Thursday, December 20, 2007
Daily SAll-Star: Rico Brogna
It's me, Rico. Rico Brogna. You remember me, don't you, my little chickadees? Of course you do. Who could forget Sexy Rico?
Ain't never been a two-sport athlete like the Brogna, baby. I was recruited to play quarterback for the Clemson Tigers back in the late 80's. They play in the ACC, Sharon.
But I turned them down like every ugly chick that ever wanted to try the Brogna Balogna. I said sorry, babe, but the Brogna had himself a date with the Detroit Tigers of the Major League Baseballs. Perhaps you've noticed I like tigers. Rawr, says the Brogna.
Hey, Meredith, come feel my flexed bicep. Did I ever tell you that I deflowered Coors Field? Yeah, plenty of guys like to brag about how they were some girl's first, but did they ever pop an entire stadium's cherry like the Brogna did? Say, Meredith, why don't we go back to my hotel room?
Don't let anyone convince you that the Brogna wasn't the best players in baseballs during his career. I had 655 strikeouts and 106 home runs in nine years. You think that ratio is easy? The Brogna had so much ass waiting for him in the clubhouse that he simply had to end his plate appearances quickly. The manager always saw it Rico's way.
Did I tell you the story about my spinal arthritis, Gertrude? It's really sexy. You see, just as Brognamania was starting to sweep the globe, I got hit with a mad nasty case of ankylosing spondylitis. It means my balls were so huge that they bent my back.
So I retired. But all was not lost. The Brogna Balogna is still in fine form, ladies.
Once you go Brogna, you never go back.