Tuesday, January 22, 2008

All-Terrible Indian Music

Well, Monday's posts were total disappointments--articulate, well-researched, and in-depth. This is simply intolerable. We at Sal Fasano's All-Stars strive to give you nothing but pure, unadulterated crap, from improper capitalization to run-on sentences. If you're like me, you're shaking your head in outrage at the sickening quality of yesterday's columns.

But fortunately, I've come to my senses and returned to the friendly confines of Pissville, Ohio. In dishonor of Ben's meticulous list of the greatest baseball players of the 1990's, I present to you: The Best Terrible Indian Pop Music of the Ever!

10. We start things off with Techno Indian Jews. Fitting.

9. "So Indian James Dean walks into a bar..."

8. I honestly think this is the only song ever released in India where the producers didn't artificially raise the female singer's voice by thirteen octaves. Don't these people ever dance indoors?

7. Excitement! Hayfields! Cheesy finger-snapping choreography! That mullet dude from Dil Se! This piece of shit has it all!

6. Indian Sonny Crockett wants you to keep your fucking hands inside the boat.

5. Blonde Indian outlaw is saved from hanging at the hands of terrible white actors by expert marksman girlfriend. Dancing ensues.

4. Apparently nipples are a delicacy in parts of India.

BRONZE: You simply can't listen to this song without dancing like a Punjabi marionette on crystal meth.

SILVER: Apparently multiple people died whilst filming this music video. But, oh, was it worth it. Shitty Indian pop music is worth a few human lives any day.

GOLD: Now poop on them Oliver!

Some of you may be wondering why I did not include Indian Thriller. The answer is simple: It is overqualified. Indian Thriller does not need a list to verify itself as the most abhorrent and Satanic work of art in human history. Therefore I will not show you Indian Thriller.

Okay fine.

1 comment:

Benjo, the one without pants said...

i have never been more proud or ashamed to be part Indian