Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Daily SAll-Star By Request! Baron Davis and his Infathomably Majestic Beard
Baron Davis has the greatest beard in sports today. A bold statement, to be sure. But although there may have been a mustache or two that has superseded the majesty of Baron's facial hair, among today's athletes, I have no qualms whatsoever awarding Baron Walter Louis Davis the crown.
In fact, most modern sports beards are downright ugly. A lot of foreign ballers simply allow their neck-pants to grow like wild shrubberies across the vast deserts that are their faces. But not Baron.
The luxuriant quality of Baron's beard is paramount to his good mood. As a rookie, Glen Rice and Vlade Divac shaved some of Baron's beard during a nap as an initiation prank. Baron did not get the joke.
What makes Baron's beard so great is not its size or complexity but its simple boldness. It is a dark, thick, full-coverage beard. One cannot look upon The Beard without being reminded of Ancient Greece.
Finally, his beard undoubtedly fueled his spectacular playoff performance last spring. Poor Baron had been hurt and exhausted by the toils of the regular season and his Warriors had the unenviable task of trying to defeat the team with the best record in the NBA: The Dallas Mavericks. Luckily for the Bay Area, Baron's beard was enough to overpower anyone.
With all of that in mind, it is only fitting that Baron Davis be named today's SAll-Star. Congratulations, you Spartan hoplite you.