Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Daily SAll-Star: Wayne Cochran

Now that is a head of hair. A pompadour like that can only belong to a funktacular groove machine like Wayne "Magneto" Cochran whose album titles include "Get Down With It!," "Cochran," and "Wayne Cochran!" (Don't forget! To put! Some exclamation points! Baby!) Yet our good buddy Suitcase Head made his biggest mark on the music scene in 1962 when he wrote the music and lyrics to the freakishly moribund pop song, "Last Kiss."

Remember "Last Kiss?" It's about two teenagers deeply in love who get into a huge bloody car accident because some douchebag in oncoming traffic (who is obviously not in love) decided to let his engine stall in the middle of the road. The gravely injured boyfriend (whose fucking eyes are bleeding) crawls desperately towards his shattered lover's body, which is bleeding uncontrollably. She smiles, kisses him, and dies in his arms from her injuries. Woo! Top of the charts! Somebody get Wayne some pomade, because that shit is about to levitate off his head and devour a small dog.

Anyway, Wayne is still alive somewhere, being the funkiest white pompadour bandit on the face of this earth. I'd like to think that Wayne is (for whatever reason) incapable of conversation, and is forced to answer people's questions in song.

"That'll be $27.50, Mr. Cochran. Cash or credit?"

"Oh, where, oh, where, can my Visa be?
Alzheimer's took it away from me.
It's in my dresser, so I've got to pay cash;
Now I cannot afford to cure my scrotum's...rash."

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