Friday, February 8, 2008
Daily SAll-Star: Barry White
Barry White is the largest, most soulful, love machine in the history of the universe.
Disagree? That's because you're a moron.
His band was called the Love Unlimited Orchestra for crying out loud!
"Funky-love-machine-#1" White is also an inspirational story in that he joined a gang at age 10, was in prison at age 17, heard Elvis steal black people's music, and turned his life around.
Unfortunately though, His Not-So-White-ness was severely obese and had very high blood pressure and he died on July 4, 2003. Everyone agreed that he would be missed. If you didn't agree with that I will hunt you down and fight you. And you'll be lucky if I beat Nick to you because he would murder you.
Barry's music inspired love for so many that zookeepers have been known to play Barry's music for gorillas who weren't mating. Needless to say, it worked and we now have more baby gorillas.
Also, look for the Definitive Biography on Barry coming out whenever Nick realizes that his true purpose in life is to exalt the virtues of Barry White as relentlessly as possible.