Monday, February 18, 2008

Daily SAll-Star: Hashim Thaçi

Hashim Thaçi has huge balls. For those of you uninterested in Eastern European politics, Thaçi is the 38-year-old Prime Minister of the brand-spanking-new Republic of Kosovo, formerly a region of the armpit known as Serbia.

In case you need a brief refresher on the ass-kicking awesomeness that was the Balkans during the 1990's, ethnic Albanians in Kosovo started to grumble about the minority Serbs' asshole occupancy of the region roundabouts 1988. This was mostly the fault of noted dirtbag Slobodan Milošević, who imposed a curfew, established a police state, and kind of sort of committed genocide because he didn't want the Albanians getting too uppity. Even though they were there first.

After Croatia beat the shit out of Serbia in the Croatian War of Independence, the homies in Kosovo started to take notice. Because it was at this same time, around 1995, that Milošević went into Super Asshole Mode. He shut down the only Albanian-language newspaper in the region and outlawed radio and television broadcasts conducted in Albanian. He liquidated Pristina University, Kosovo's best institute of higher learning, putting 800 teachers out of work and destroying the education of 23,000 students. He replaced the Albanian Security Forces with his own Yugoslav goons. 80% of the region's Albanians lost their jobs. So you can understand why they were a little pissed off. Keep in mind that 92% of the region is populated by ethnic Albanians.

So skip forward to Sunday, when Thaçi delivered Kosovo's declaration of independence. You might think, "That's great, especially after so many years of Serbian injustice, but it would have been nice to see it announced by someone who was at the front lines of combat. Somebody who knows what it was like to fight the Serbs and win."

HA! That's exactly what Thaçi is. At age 25, Thaçi was one of the leaders of the People's Movement of Kosovo. He was directly responsible for accruing funds in secrecy as well as training and arming recruits. During this time he abandoned his real name and went only by the nom de guerre "The Snake." Milošević labeled him a terrorist and probably would have chopped his head off if he had ever caught him.

And so, we congratulate Kosovo on their newfound independence by honoring their new leader. Hashim Thaçi, you are the Daily SAll-Star for February 18th, 2008.
PS. I didn't really need to mention the Croatian War of Independence. But it's not every day that a viable excuse to mention Croatia's unmatched ass-kicking skills comes along.

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