Thursday, May 15, 2008

Arlen Specter is an ass...

...who also happens to be named Arlen. The joke really is on him.

But now Specter is calling for a special investigation for the New England Patriots' "Spygate" Scandal. Why? Specter claims that, like the baseball steroid investigation, this is an attempt to uphold the integrity of a nationally treasured institution.

A few issues:

1) I love football. It's a truly wonderful sport, rivaled by few for it's combination of action, intensity, teamwork, and athletic feat. But no matter what it does, football is not nationally treasured in the same way that baseball is. Baseball is and always has been held to a higher standard than other sports. It was only a few years ago that football rewarded Shawne Merriman with a Pro Bowl trip and being named the runner up for defensive player of the year despite his having violated the league's steroid policy and being suspended for doing so. In addition, the overall fan base of baseball is far less crass and more intelligent than the football fan base. Don't believe me? Watch a football game. Ever seen a retarded beer commercial during one? Football is also constructed as such that it keeps the attention span of the viewer because of it's constant action (if Clinton Portis breaks off a 42 yard touchdown run, everyone knows who succeeded and they know that a star did it) whereas baseball's action is sometimes more subtle (nobody would confuse Miguel Cairo for a star, but his RBI bloop single turned out to be the winning hit for the Mariners yesterday). Basically, baseball is held (unfairly or not) to an absurdly high standard.

2) Specter is an Eagles fan. That's the first sign he is not to be trusted. But if one remembers not too long ago, it was the New England Patriots who defeated the Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl XXIX. So, Arlen, are you really acting on behalf of America or are you hoping that your shitty sports city can retroactively get a championship it didn't earn? (Sidebar: Arlen Specter is a pandering turd.)

3) How is this an issue Congress should be worried about? There is a war in Iraq. There is a gargantuan housing crisis. There are plenty of secondary issues out there like global warming, social security, and healthcare that could quite easily be top-billing issues were it not for the previous two. In the top 100 issues facing America today, one team possibly cheating in their sport after they've already been dealt with pretty well by their sport should rank about 4192nd. Baseball was investigated because the steroid issues were possibly violating the league's substantial anti-trust exemptions. (Although it's about the easiest thing to pursue if you're a politician..."I'm for baseball and against drugs that harm you!" is not exactly the most controversial stance out there)

Summarily: Arlen Specter, blow it out your ass. Leave football alone to let it handle itself. It's done very well so far without your crusty grundle interfering.

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