MANLY

Beard, ice, wolf pose: manly.

This article should be three words: Ovechkin is better.

A follow-up article could be even shorter: Ovechkin dominates.

Toothlessness: manlier.

Alexander Ovechkin is arguably the manliest active athlete in the world. He just turned 23, he is built like an NFL linebacker (6-3, 245) who can skate backwards like it ain't no thang, he can't speak English and he hasn't missed a single NHL game in three seasons. Crosby is a prepubescent dandy who pisses and moans at every available opportunity and has missed 33 games due to injury despite being the resilient and uninjurable age of 21. Also, and most importantly, he's not awesome.

The good news is that hockey is back in any capacity. Manliness reigns.

Hoisting up the lasses whilst toothless: Manliest.

You know who agrees with me?

Of course you do.