Sal Fasano's All-Stars

Do you like ham?

2009-08-01T15:23:00.004-04:00

Of course you do.

Also, here's Wilt Chamberlain, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Andre the Giant on the set of Conan the Destroyer.

A really good article about a really good player

2009-07-24T11:01:00.004-04:00

I would encourage anybody who likes baseball or likes good sports writing to read Howard Bryant's recent piece on Pedro Martinez, found here.

Bryant is an excellent writer. In my opinion, he's the best writer at ESPN, the Worldwide Leader. His recent pieces on former players' union chief Donald Fehr, greatest closer of all time Mariano Rivera, the recently released Michael Vick, and keeping PED users out of the Hall of Fame have all been very good reads and well-written and researched articles. I don't always agree with Bryant (for example, his stance on PED users being banned from the Hall), but at no point have I ever said "he doesn't know what he's talking about" or wanted to punt an infant as retribution for his heinous writing (Gene Wojciechowski). Anyway, I encourage all of you to follow him.

Now, his subject, Pedro. Pedro Martinez, at his peak, was a better pitcher than just about anybody else that's toed the rubber in history. The numbers back it up. Wins and losses aren't the most important factor in determining overall value, but there must be something said for Pedro's absurd career winning percentage of .684, behind only Whitey Ford and Don Gullett amongst post-WWII pitchers, and both of those guys pitched in much less offensively challenging eras for pitchers. Pedro's 3117 career strike outs has him at 13th on the All-Time list, tied with Bob Gibson (a number which he'll undoubtedly pass when he begins pitching for the Phillies later this year), and the folks he is behind are all either Hall of Famers or future Hall of Famers (barring the exclusion of Roger Clemens for PEDs or the exclusion of Bert Blyleven for the idiocy of Hall of Famer voters). It should also be noted that everybody in front of Perdo on the Ks list pitched at least 1000 more innings...which is the equivalent of 5 or 6 more seasons by todays standards. And of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention his inhuman 1.051 career WHIP, good enough for 6th best all-time. Those who have bettered him? Addie Joss, Ed Walsh, and John Ward, who all pitched before 1920, and Mariano Rivera and Trevor Hoffman, who are both relievers and thus less susceptible to high WHIPs. So really, the guy has been absurdly good.

Many will point to Pedro's lack of cumulative numbers to discredit him as anything other than greatness. Indeed, some numbers, namely his 214 career wins, aren't as great as some others, it would be foolish to think that Pedro wasn't one of the most dominant pitchers of the steroid era when he, clearly, wasn't doing any. One pitcher that many olde-tyme fans like to point to as the standard bearer of excellence is Sandy Koufax. Now Koufax was a great pitcher, but was he better than Martinez? Let's examine. Now because Koufax was a victim of injuries that likely would have been fixable these days, we'll go only on average-based stats, not cumulative. Koufax's career ERA: 2.76, Pedro's: 2.91. Certainly that's advantage, if negligible for Koufax, until one remembers that Koufax played in a pitching dominant era and Pedro is playing in a offense and power dominant era. So we look to ERA+ [100*(ERA/league average ERA)], a tool which measures how much better one is compared to their respective league including a ball park adjustment, in this instance, higher is better. Koufax: 131, very good. Pedro: 154, even better. As previously discussed, Pedro's WHIP of 1.051 is better than Koufax's still impressive 1.106. In addition, Pedro's BB/9 and K/9 of 2.4 and 10.1, respectively, are better than Koufax's rates of 3.2 and 9.3. Also, they possess the same HR/9 of 0.8, even though, again, Koufax played in a era dominated by big ballparks, smaller and weaker players, and pitching while Pedro pitched in the most homer-happy era in baseball history. Of course, none of this comparison is done to take away anything from Koufax, one of the finest pitchers ever and a deserving Hall of Famer, especially for his unreal performance from 1962-1966 (though it may be done to spite some Olde-Tyme fans...they can't use the internets so I'm not really worried). Rather I make these comparisons to illustrate how good Martinez has been.

But if stats simply aren't enough for you, simply read Bryant's piece. Other major league players, trained professionals and the absolute best in the world, were in awe of the man. People will, rightly, remember Curt Schilling as one of the keys that put the Red Sox over the top and ended their 86 year World Series drought. But those same people should remember that Pedro was every bit as good as Schilling that season, and had, by far, his worst season with the Red Sox. It was Pedro who brought legitimacy and an edge back to the Red Sox and started the rush of perennial contending that Boston has enjoyed in the past decade.

As a younger fan, I never cared too much about who was pitching for any team other than the Orioles, but I did care about Pedro. I remember seeing him throwing in the outfield before a Red Sox-Orioles game that he was not scheduled to pitch in and thinking, "This guy is no-bigger than me...how does he do it?" And that's the thing; there is no explanation. Pedro was simply better. I don't know if he'll be successful with this comeback stint with the Phillies, but I really hope he is.

Perfection

2009-07-23T16:48:00.004-04:00

Both of your authors, for whatever reasons, don't have much love for the Chicago White Sox. I don't think we really hate them, but we certainly dislike them. But one player that both of us have always loved is Mark Buehrle.

Buehrle is an efficient pitcher who throws tons of strikes, generates lots of ground balls, and works quickly. He threw a no-hitter on April 18, 2007. And now he's thrown the 18th perfect game in major league history. He used just 116 pitches and a spectacular catch by Dewayne Wise to thwart any offensive attempts by an imposing Rays' lineup.

So congratulations to Buehrle. He will undoubtedly be a key cog in the White Sox' playoff hopes and will continue to be the most likeable player from the South Side.

Well this is great news

2009-07-23T16:00:00.002-04:00

I've always liked Phil Mickelson. He's a nice guy. He's left-handed. He has a beautiful wife and kids. He finally got that no-major monkey off his back. He's pudgy. What's not to love?

Well, it turns out that Lefty is even cooler than we thought. That's right, Phil Mickelson is trying to buy 105 Waffle House "restaurants".

Seriously, the Waffle House serves horrendously greasy food that has caused more than one person to reconsider their religious affiliation and question why there is evil in the world. But like any good diner, dive bar, or brothel worth its salt, it's about the atmosphere with Waffle House. And that atmosphere says, "I'm drunk, high, or too poor to care."

So Phil, I hope this works out for you.

In an effort to maintain our usual standards...

2009-07-20T23:59:00.003-04:00

Nick's recent review was entirely too professional and good. So I counter with this:

Review: The Hurt Locker

2009-07-20T21:25:00.001-04:00

Kathryn Bigelow does not care what you think.

She is not interested in your flag-waving git-r-done jingoism, and she is not interested in your left-wing apologist psychobabble. What Kathryn Bigelow is interested in is delivering one of the greatest war films ever made. And with The Hurt Locker, she has succeeded.

Most people agree that World War II was the apex of American heroism. At no other time in human history has the USA been held in such high esteem by its allies. As such, films depicting American deployment, combat, and experience in Nazi-occupied France all have the saccharine, yet historically accurate, undercurrent of unshakable bravery amongst its American protagonists.

Thirty years later, America was embroiled in the Vietnam War, a warped return to the battlefield that seemed to turn World War II's noble conquest of evil inside out. Clean-cut PFC Johnny from Iowa City didn't want to serve his country and make it home to his young wife anymore; he wanted to make Charlie bleed and get laid and smoke his painful memories of home away. Americans, just a generation removed from their collective identity as the world's saviors, were killing innocent people, killing women, killing children, killing their own college students in Ohio. As before, the American public educated itself of its country's servicemen through Hollywood, but now, the images were darker, bleaker, angrier. The Thousand-Yard Stare of Colonel Nicholson's heroic lads gave way to Travis Bickle's sociopathic monologue in front of his mirror.

Today, the world--with America invariably entrenched within it--is at war once more. And, as before, the mood has shifted with the passage of time. The recurring theme of the Iraq War, begun in March 2003, is the ebb and flow of emotion and trust. The physical threat to the American soldier is greater than ever--there is no gentleman's agreement between combatants on the battlefield--and the downtime is more customizable than ever. GIs can have protein powder shipped to their bunks, play Xbox 360 off-shift, call their wives at any time. There is no particular routine or arrangement or schedule to military life in the Middle East. And with this new purgatory of the constant switch between duty and simple self-preservation has arisen a new kind of soldier, a new kind of man.

That man is Staff Sergeant William James, our rapscallion hero in The Hurt Locker. He is not charming, he is not particularly handsome, he does not have a snaketongued quip always at the ready. He is a dude, a dude who drinks and swears and defuses bombs, because it's all he's got, dude man. James has a wife and son thousands of miles away, but we do not care about them, because he does not care about them. The compound simplicity and gripping terror that comprise James' life in Iraq also comprise our film experience. The Hurt Locker has two settings: on and off. Movies do not work this way. But this one does, and flawlessly.

The plot of The Hurt Locker revolves around the aforementioned Staff Sergeant James (Jeremy Renner) and his three-man Explosive Ordinance Disposal (EOD) unit during their final 30 days in the stir. James has only just arrived to the unit, and his unorthodox and extremely dangerous style immediately puts him at odds with his two subordinates, Sergeant Sanborn (Anthony Mackie) and the increasingly distraught Specialist Eldridge (Brian Geraghty).

There are more than three people in this film, but you will not be blamed if you only pay attention to Renner. It is difficult to imagine a performance more challenging than one which requires the actor to convey complete sincerity in his boredom and angst. We rightfully praise actors who take on the "difficult" roles--Harvey Milk, Idi Amin, Andrew Beckett--but Renner's task is equally as tall, for nothing--not a covertly wired stash of six IEDs, not a stone-faced suicide bomber, not an unseen sniper--fazes him. Not because he is a one dimensional action hero, like Rambo or the Terminator, but because he is caught somewhere between apathy and insanity. Maybe he doesn't care if he lives or dies; maybe he is just as frightened as Eldridge. He simply has his game face on at all times because he can't afford to remove it, and even if he could, it's likely he's forgotten how to do so. It's truly a brilliant, understated performance that cannot receive enough praise.

The Hurt Locker would be nothing without its sensory accomplishments. You can include all the expository dialogue and giggling drunken bromance you want, but if you make a movie about defusing homemade bombs and you can't pull off a credible explosion, well, you have yourself a worthless film. Fortunately, director Bigelow and English cinematographer Barry Ackroyd beautifully present a dusty land of mistrust and danger. In an filmmaking era in which the mantra seems increasingly to be "make it grittier," Bigelow and Ackroyd have done a simply masterful job of balancing the heat, sand, and wind with the audience's need to actually see what is taking place on screen.

Do not be confused: The Hurt Locker can stand shoulder to shoulder with the grittiest of films. But it doesn't do so at the expense of its stark, exceptional imagery. It won't make you want to visit Baghdad anytime soon, but the photography is beautiful nonetheless. Ackroyd is on an impressive streak, having helmed cinematography duties on the Oscar-nominated United 93 and the Irish independent film The Wind that Shakes the Barley, which won the Palme d'Or at the 2006 Cannes Film Festival. Though Bigelow employs a Canon Phantom HD for the film's handful of slow-motion shots, the bulk of The Hurt Locker was shot on 16 mm Fuji Eterna 250D film stock, which was popular about 25 years ago, through Aaton A-Minima cameras--also about a quarter-century past their peak usage. This unheralded choice of equipment makes a huge difference; the film is crisp and frenetic, like so many modern nailbiters shot on video, but still looks like it belongs on a 30-foot screen.

The lasting image of The Hurt Locker, perhaps, is that of James' bomb disposal suit; it is enormous, bulky, hot, and green; it requires three men just to suit James up; when the camera is inside it, you can hear James breathing heavily, struggling to take his next lumbering step. There is nothing manly or enviable about this suit. Your son will not want an action figure of this suit. Much like that suit is the war which necessitates its use. The camera flits over dead-eyed locals weary of the American occupation of their home and over Eldridge's panicked face as he desperately tries to clean blood off of his rifle's bullets so that he can reload in the middle of a firefight. The Hurt Locker is not a depiction of heroism or cowardice, of nobility or shame. It does not ask its audience to reevaluate its reception of the American military's presence in Iraq. It offers no one dimensional characterizations of villains or champions of justice. It simply invites us to witness and experience the harrowing, exhausting, terrifying, yet encompassingly simple existence of the new American soldier. And that experience just so happens to be one of the greatest films you will ever see.

FIVE STARS

Kudos

2009-07-17T10:04:00.005-04:00

...to Ryan Howard, who yesterday became the fastest play to reach 200 career homeruns in terms of games played, needing a mere 658, breaking the record of Hall of Famer Ralph Kiner.

This certainly an impressive achievement and I don't mean to detract from it (yes I do), but I am puzzled at how many are touting Howard as destined for all-time greatness. Now Howard is a good player. His power is impressive and he gets on base pretty well and his defense is improving. But Howard is already 29 years old. Will he end up being an all-time great? Time is not on his side. Players tend to hit their primes in the 27-33 year old range. That is not to say their primes are 6 years, but rather that their peak will be reached in that time period. In reality, most players generally only have about 3 years that could be called a prime. After that a decline is expect. Now obviously some players buck this trend, but unless we are to believe that Howard hasn't reached his prime, which is possible but unlikely, we can expect Howard not to continue this rate of production.

In contrast Ken Griffey, Jr. had 398 homers by the end of his last full season as a 29 year old. And Alex Rodriguez had a whopping 429 by his last full season as a 29 year old. In addition, those guys were superior defenders at much more demanding positions and provided good baserunner and better on-base numbers. Hell, Albert Pujols is 29 and he has 351 already. And you don't need me to tell you how much better at everything Pujols is than Howard.

So is Howard a very good player who could help almost any team he'd be on? Yes. Is it ridiculous to already start thinking of him in terms of the great and Hall-worthy players of All-Time? Absolutely.

Second Half Preview

2009-07-16T17:43:00.001-04:00

Baseball just completed its all-star game and we head in to the second half of the season. Here is one man's take on what has happened, what is about to happen, and what some might not notice happening.

There was a good piece from the legendary Peter Gammons on ESPN.com today about the future of the game. I encourage you to take a read right here. The biggest point to note is that the steroid era, as we know it, is practically over...indeed, there are still and will always will be PEDs or other methods of cheating, it's just the way sports are. But many of the big, power-hitting names of just 5 to 10 years ago are on their way out and the game is getting faster, more athletic, and younger. There will still be a place for the hulking brute who can mash 40 HRs a season, but the days of every team having a couple of those guys is coming to a close, at least for the time being. As such, I encourage the fans of baseball to move on and embrace this new track. There is no need to forget the transgressions of players past, but let's take their actions with a grain of salt and look to the future.

Even though All-Star Weekend ultimately means nothing (home field advantage at the World Series, I guess...but if you're a good team, you should be able to win anywhere), I always enjoy it. Perhaps because I'm a baseball junkie or perhaps because my team seems to be in a constant state of rebuilding, but I always love the futures game. This year was no different. We got a chance to see the finest prospects the minors have to offer and they didn't disappoint. Some guys who will be making an impact in the bigs sooner rather than later: Neftali Feliz, RHP Texas, the guy can gas and it looks like he's not even trying, expect him with the Rangers very soon; Jason Heyward, of Atlanta, the consensus number 3 prospect (after David Price and Matt Wieters) at the start of the season, Heyward continues to tear things up and it will soon become tough for ATL to keep him out of the big league lineup; Chris Tillman and Brian Matusz, RHP and LHP Baltimore, the two studs of the Orioles' system performed well, while the team wants to keep the two and fellow star prospect Jake Arrietta in the minors for the rest of this season, they may get a call up in September and take the Orioles one step closer to 4th place.

The Home Run Derby is always fun. I have nothing more to say on the matter.

The All Star game started off well enough. I always enjoy the introductions to see the reactions of some players to hearing their names called. Some guys like Derek Jeter who have been there before and/or know how to handle the public eye react appropriately. Some don't. It's also always fun to watch whenever All Stars from some teams (such as the Nationals) have their token All Star announce and nobody in the crowd reacts. Anyway, President Obama threw out a solid first pitch. It wasn't a strike, but he got it to the plate and Adam Dunn probably would have swung at it so really one can't complain. Say what you will about O-Bams, negative or positive, but I appreciate his sports fan-hood, just like I appreciated George Bush's. Anyway, the game was quite entertain. Lots of defense to go around, including a great catch by Carl Crawford. Adam "Don't Call Me Pacman" Jones drove in the winning run. And it was proven again that the AL is the superior league. (Undefeated since 1996...really?)

I've never been a big fan of the idea that every team should get at least one All Star. But I understand the reasoning behind it, it keeps every market involved and watching out for their representative so ultimately I'm not too upset about it, especially as the Orioles have benefited more than a few times because of this. But I just wish that the managers would get it right with selecting players. For instance, Ryan Zimmerman was the Nationals' All Star. Zimmerman is a perfectly fine player and could play for a championship team (though definitely not in Washington), but he was not the team's best player, not by a long shot. Adam Dunn should have been the rep. Zimmerman holds a line of 14 HRs, 37 BBs, a .354 OBP, and a .473 SLG and good, not great defense. Again, a solid line. But Dunn provides 23 HRs, 68 BBs, a .398 OBP, and a .544 SLG, and average defense. Those are better numbers. When managers are filling out the rest of the rosters, they should first look at filling each team, then working on the rest of the rosters, instead of filling the roster then saying "oh, the Nats need a player, let's give it to Zimmerman because he's the only National who's sold any jerseys."

Some notes to start the 2nd half:

Many of you already know this, but we are witnessing something special with Albert Pujols this season. The man has always been really, really good, but this season is blowing everyone else away. The only guy I can remember doing something similar was early 2000s Barry Bonds. All anyone can do is be in awe and just be absolutely appalled that the Cardinals have refused to surround Mr. Pujols with anyone resembling a talented hitter to bat behind the man.

Teams I expect to stick around and make a serious run at the playoffs: Boston Red Sox, New York Yankees, Tampa Bay Rays, Detroit Tigers, Minnesota Twins, Los Angeles of Anaheim, Texas Rangers, Philadelphia Phillies, Milwaukee Brewers, Chicago Cubs, Los Angeles Dodgers, San Francisco Giants, Colorado Rockies. There are even more folks still within striking distance, but these are the folks who I think are actually legitimate threats to make the playoffs...though realistically the only ones I could see winning it all are the Red Sox, Yankees, Rays, and Dodgers.

Where will Roy Halladay go? A team with money and top prospects. Who fits that? Uhh...The best bets would be the Angels, Yankees, Red Sox, and Phillies, but I wouldn't be surprised if some darkhorse team rolled the dice and came up huge a la the Brewers last season with CC Sabathia. My top pick for the darkhorse? I'd say the Rangers as they have a little money and they have a great farm system, but they seem content to build from within and they'll be getting some pitching help from said farm system in the form of top prospects Neftali Feliz (hey! I mentioned him earlier!) and Derek Holland and the bat of first baseman Justin Smoak. So I'm going to, once again, pick the Brewers. Because why not.

Other folks on the move potentially include Matt Holliday, Freddy Sanchez, Orlando Cabrera, Nick Johnson, Aubrey Huff, the Orioles' bullpen, any Pirate not named Andrew McCutcheon, Garrett Atkins, and any Seattle pitcher who isn't Felix Hernandez. Holliday is the biggest name because although he's had a down season away from the confines of Coors Field, he's still a 5 tool player who is an immediate asset for most teams and should command a pretty hefty salary in free agency. That being said, if Billy Beane doesn't get a solid package in return, he could just hold on to Holliday, whose free agency departure will garner his team a supplemental first round draft pick. Johnson and Huff are being pursued by the same sorts of teams as their similar players who have some pop and can work a count. Garrett Atkins is being pursued by the Mariners who can't decide if they're actually contenders or not. A word of advice: they're not. The Mariners have some good pieces, but a lot of bad pieces. Rebuild for a season or two more and then you'll be there. As such, deal Jarrod Washburn...yes he threw a one-hitter and has pitched well this season, but what possibly would make you believe that this will continue. If you remember correctly, Sidney Ponson once won 18 games in a season...send Washburn away now while his value is beyond its peak. Erik Bedard? I might hold on to him. But what do I know?

Why is Joe Torre batting Matt Kemp 8th? He's hitting .320 with 11 HRs, a .384 OBP, .495 SLG and 19 steals. Come on, Joe! My fantasy team needs help!

The Nationals are epically bad. I count exactly 4 major-league caliber players on that team (Adam Dunn, Cristian Guzman, Ryan Zimmerman, and Jordan Zimmerman). This is an affront to baseball fans everywhere. So naturally, I'm super excited to see if they can lose the most games ever in a season. In addition, I hope they don't sign Stephen Strasburg...because that would cause riots...oh wait...Nats fans don't care.

Matt Wieters can and will pick things up. He was heating up before the All-Star break and should only continue to rise. Should be awesome. Bring an extra pair of underwear.

Normally, I don't care too much about Hall of Fame induction speeches. I think they're nice and I have no problem with them, but I just don't care. So far the only speech I've cared about is that of Cal Ripken Jr. because it isn't very often that deities speak to us mere mortals. But I and everyone else should be ready for Rickey Henderson's speech. Even Matt Wieters will be impressed.

Review: Public Enemies

2009-07-15T10:36:00.000-04:00

About thirty minutes into Michael Mann's first film since 2006's Miami Vice, John Dillinger tells his stickup partner, Red Hamilton, "We're having too good a time today to worry about tomorrow." Dillinger lived exclusively in the present; he had no grand ambitions or schemes beyond his next robbery, and he did not dwell upon dark unspoken moments of his past. He was simply a charming guy with a notorious talent for robbing banks. In Public Enemies, director Michael Mann does not take any historical liberties with Dillinger. He is precisely as uncomplicated as he was in real life.

I begin with this important clarification because a number of negative reactions to the film have all revolved around the same gripe: this film has no emotional depth. Johnny Depp's John Dillinger oozes charisma and confidence, but lacks a hole in his heart or a chip on his shoulder in which the audience can take a firm foothold and invest themselves. His pursuer, Christian Bale's Melvin Purvis, is similarly uncomplicated but with the added disinterest of a wooden personality.

To a degree, these complaints are accurate. Christian Bale, somehow, is still stuck in Batman mode, though this time with an authentic Old-Timey accent. Billy Crudup gained about thirty pounds of neck flesh to portray J. Edgar Hoover, and although the added weight does not prohibit him from matching Bale's Depression-era speech patterns, Crudup is all but unnecessary. Marion Cotillard performs admirably as Dillinger's girlfriend Billie Frechette, although, like so many other characters, there is simply nothing wrong with her. Oh, you rob banks? That's cool. Yes, I'll sleep with you. The real star, obviously, is Johnny Depp, who radiates cool in every scene. Ever since he transcended mere fame as Captain Jack Sparrow, Depp has not so much acted as he has glided. The real challenge at this point would be to cast him as someone with severe Social Anxiety Disorder.

In a departure from Mann's previous films, Public Enemies is thematically extremely simple. John Dillinger robs banks for a living; along the way, he acquires a girlfriend; various men attempt to thwart him. As Al Pacino said in Mann's Heat: "Cut and dry. That is it."

If anything can claim to steal the screen from Depp, it is Dante Spinotti's cinematography. Mann has always been at the cutting edge of camera work, and this film is no different. From lingering close-ups of beautiful people to gun battles shrouded in the dark of night, Public Enemies might just be the best-looking film you'll see this year. The production also had 32 crewmembers dedicated to sound, and you can definitely hear the difference. I would be surprised if Public Enemies didn't receive a handful of technical Oscar nominations.

The final word is this: If you demand pathos in your film experience, you won't get much out of Public Enemies. It will probably leave you feeling hollow and uninspired. But if you go to the movies to be entertained, to marvel at the technical wizardry of one of the finest filmmakers of all time, you will love this film.

THREE STARS

What the Hell Is Going On

2009-07-11T18:52:00.005-04:00

2009 shall forever be remembered as The Year Everyone Awesome Died. Arturo Gatti, one of the finest boxers of my lifetime, is dead at age 37.

Thunder was singlehandedly responsible for introducing me to boxing; when I was 14 years old, during Spring Break, I arbitrarily ordered his first of three unbelievable fights with Micky Ward, and have been hooked ever since.

Gatti was never the best boxer in the world--or even, arguably, in his weight class, considering he won only two titles in his career in an era when even Dingaan Thobela won the lightweight belt--but he was always the toughest. No one can ever claim to have worked harder or taken more brain-swelling cranium shots than Thunder. He was the most exciting boxer since Mike Tyson's heyday in the late 80's.

Two of my favorite boxers are now dead (Gatti and Diego Corrales). Miguel Cotto had better watch himself.

Now this is just piling on...

2009-06-28T16:24:00.003-04:00

Another huge blow struck to your authors, my friends. Just days after the passing of Michael Jackson, it is being reported that pitchman and generally beardy fellow Billy Mays has passed away at the age of 50, same as Jackson.

Mays was known for his intense sales pitches on TV. Everything he sold, he did so with an incredible enthusiasm and gusto. But what set him apart was that Mays seemed like a good dude. You felt like you could trust him to give it to you straight. Unlike some salesmen, such as Vince Shlomi, you knew that Mays would never beat up a hooker for biting him.

Here's a fraction of the list of products that Mays had successfully sold over the years: OxiClean, Orange Glo, Kaboom, Hercules Hook, The Ding King, Impact Gel Insoles, What Odor?, SIMONIZE Fix It!, and of course, the Samurai Shark.

I, and many others as well I'm sure, have said on numerous occasions "Well if it's good enough for Billy Mays, it's good enough for me!" The familiar strains of "Hi! Billy Mays here for (insert awesome product name here)" will be missed.

The Saddest Day of the Year To This Point

2009-06-25T18:48:00.003-04:00

The recent passing of TV Legend and big check giver Ed McMahon wasn't a surprise. Indeed, it was very sad, but the guy was 86. Still, we here at Sal's send our deepest condolences to his family and friends.

The same can absolutely be said of the passing of Farrah Fawcett. Fawcett lost her lengthy battle with cancer earlier today at the age of 62. Fondly remembered by many as the ultimate 70s pinup girl and one of Charlie's Angels (the original brand that didn't make me want to punch myself in the face so I wouldn't have to look at them), Fawcett will definitely be missed by many. Again, our condolences to her family and friends.

But ladies and gentlemen, all this, while extremely sad, pales in comparison to the sadness that Nick and I feel about the passing of THE King of Pop. Michael Jackson is dead at age 50.

Jackson was one of the finest musicians and entertainers to ever grace us with his presence. We owe the man an incredible amount of gratitude for the music he blessed us with. He sold over 750 million albums and won 13 Grammys. Perhaps never before and possibly never since has a nickname so fit its owner. Did Michael have his share of issues? Absolutely. Should that cloud our judgement of his incredible career? Not a chance.

There is not much else to say, so I'll leave you with a few clips of his music. Rest in peace, Michael. Today, we all moonwalk with one glove on.

Couldn't find an embeddable version of the orignal Thriller video, so this will have to do.

Some funny

2009-06-24T20:27:00.004-04:00

Sorry about the infrequency of posts recently. Both Nick and I are working full-time during these summer months or being sick (as I am right now). Soon we'll have a few posts on things such as tomorrow's NBA draft, the hockey Hall of Fame selections (Nick is probably writing a 500-page opus on the legend of Stevie Y), and other goings-on.

Until then, please enjoy this clip I got from With Leather, the gold-standard for sports blogs on the internets.

Here it be.

Almost makes me like T.O.

An interesting article

2009-06-18T17:39:00.004-04:00

Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy, is one of those writers that people either love or hate. I don't really belong to either, though if I had to pick one, I'm much closer to love. I read just about every column he writes, and his style of presenting facts interspersed with humorous anecdotes and pop culture references is something that I try to emulate (it should be noted, Simmons didn't invent this style and I wouldn't say he's perfected it, nobody has, but he turned me on to it). Simmons often gets too caught up in his own stories that occasionally detracts from his article and he's often asked to write on things he is not an expert in (only Rick Reilly, a legend in his own right, and Gene Wojciechowski, who sucks, are asked to cover and comment on as many sports as Simmons). Simmons is limited as a hockey (because of his absence from fandom) and baseball (because he only follows the AL) writer. He's a decent football writer. He's an excellent basketball writer; one of the most informed and engaging about the sport. In addition to his writings, he's a very funny and entertaining podcaster.

Really, this has little to do with why I'm posting, I just felt like I should give some background on my views of the man. The reason I'm posting is Simmons' recent article posted online and to appear in the June 29 issue of ESPN the Magazine. Here is the article. It's a very interesting examination of baseball and the "purity" issue that is so frequently brought up during conversations about steroids. I believe it also provides an interesting commentary on the pious nature of the sports fan; that is, they should stop freaking out about steroids. The problem is being address through tougher testing and more legitimate enforcement. No era of baseball is fully clean.

Also it's funny that the Red Sox' first black player was named "Pumpsie." That is great stuff. And if you disagree, I will kill you.

Some Nepotism

2009-06-17T14:09:00.003-04:00

I won't subvert ESPN's Insider feature and post the entire article, but Keith Law, my favorite baseball writer, recently posted an article discussing 2010's MLB Draft Class. Here is the first sentence:

The 2010 draft class isn't as stacked right now as the 2011 draft appears to be -- the latter group includes cover kid Bryce Harper as well as Sonny Gray, Alex Meyer, Anthony Rendon, Gerrit Cole and Danny Hultzen.

For those of you who have been following Sal's for a while, you'll recognize that final name. Hultzen is currently the ace (as a freshman) of the UVA pitching staff. He's also one of the best guys around and both your authors are proud to say we know him.

Two Championship wrapups

2009-06-15T16:56:00.002-04:00

As any sports fan worth his (or her) salt knows, both the NHL and NBA seasons have come to a close with the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Los Angeles Lakers, two of the more storied franchises in their sports, hoisting the respective trophies of their leagues.

First, hockey. As much as it hurts to say, congrats to the Pens. As a Caps fan, I'm bound by law to hate Sidney Crosby, and that hasn't changed. Crosby though has made his mark by being the youngest Captain to ever hold Lord Stanley's Cup. Of course, it should be noted that it was Evgeni Malkin who won the Conn Smythe trophy as the MVP of the playoffs. While I would be lying if I said that Crosby was not a good or even great player, because he clearly is, certainly one of the 5 best non-goalies in hockey right now, I would be remiss if I didn't say that I think Malkin might be better. Malkin is tough-as-nails and a true force offensively and the two complement each other very well in a nearly-unstoppable fashion. I had picked the Red Wings to win it all in the beginning of the year, and they almost made me look very smart, but ultimately the injuries, the 1-2 punch of Crosby and Malkin, and the excellent goal-tending of Marc-Andre Fleury were all too much for the ancient wonders to overcome. The hockey playoffs proved once again that it's such an awesome sport that deserves so much more than it gets in terms of recognition. I can only look forward to another great season next year, where I fully anticipate Alex Ovechkin to abuse the league. Now if only he could get a little defensive help...

The Lakers, on the other hand, did make me look very smart as my preseason pick took care of the surprising Orlando Magic in 5 games. The Magic played out of their minds versus the Cavaliers with everything breaking their way and not much going the way of LeBron James whose teammates decided to take a vacation during the series. Unfortunately, just about everything went the wrong way for the Magic in the finals as they were ultimately out-talented by the Lakers. The Magic also killed their chances by playing Jameer Nelson (oddly, as he is the team's 2nd best player) who was rusty and completely out of rhythm with his teammates. This also affected the fragile psyche of Rafer Alston. Of course, it would be foolish to not congratulate the Lakers who were the better team and played like it, instead of last year where they seemed to sleepwalk during the finals against the Celtics.

This leads to two persons to discuss: Kobe Bryant and Phil Jackson. Let me be up-front: there is not a single thing you can say that will convince me that Kobe is the best player in the league. I might accept 2nd best, but LeBron James is still better. There is no way around it. Kobe's only advantage on LeBron is rings, something it takes a team to win. If the Lakers and Cavs matched up, the top 5 players in the series would be 1. LeBron, 2. Kobe, 3. Pau Gasol, 4. Lamar Odom, 5. Trevor Ariza...Kobe simply plays with better players. That being said, Kobe deserves a lot of credit. By winning his fourth title, he has cemented himself among some of the best to ever play. He also finally won a title without Shaq (though I would say that Gasol is one of the best big men in basketball right now, so that helps). But Kobe was on a mission this year and it payed off. Few players can match Kobe in terms of intensity and desire to win and when he's on, he's impossible to contain. Perhaps the best play of the finals and perhaps the entire playoffs was Kobe's pass to a trailing Gasol to avoid Dwight Howard in Game 4. It was a perfect summation of where Kobe is as a player: he is still the leader and the man, but when he's willing to let his teammates help him out, he becomes a legendary player. Doesn't change the fact that he raped that chick in Colorado...

Phil Jackson is probably the greatest basketball coach in history. He just won his 10th title. People will point to Jackson always having great players such as Kobe, Shaq, Gasol, Dennis Rodman, Scottie Pippen, and Michael Jordan. But if you look at other G.O.A.T. candidates, you'll find similar talent levels. Having players like Bill Russell, John Havlicek, Bob Cousy, Sam Jones, KC Jones, and Tommy Heinshon probably didn't hurt Red Auerbach's chances. And Pat Riley never won a title without some combination of Dwyane Wade, Shaq, Magic Johnson, James Worthy, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the lineup. No Jackson simply has won every where he's been. As ESPN's Chris Broussard pointed out, the 1993-1994 Bulls won 55 games, two fewer than the previous year despite losing Michael Jordan to his first "retirement" (GAMBLING SCANDAL!). The Zen Master has been able to run the complicated and highly prolific triangle offense, manage the sizeable egos of players like Kobe, Jordan, and Shaq (both Jordan and Kobe got to the point where playing for anybody else was out of the question), he's probably the best in-game adjuster ever, and, perhaps most impressively, he made Dennis Rodman seem to be an almost acceptable citizen.

So now that these two seasons are over, we can turn our attention to the upcoming NBA Draft, the NFL training camp season, and, of course, baseball.

Congratulations

2009-06-05T11:20:00.003-04:00

...are in order for one Randy Johnson, who last night picked up his 300th career win against the hapless Natinals.

300 is a magic number for a pitcher. It's one of the most sacred milestones in baseball, and with the recent release of Tom Glavine, Johnson is now the only active 300-game winner. The advent of the bullpen and the increase in professionalism in baseball has made it more and more difficult to amass that many wins, and it is not completely ridiculous to say that we may never see another 300 game winner, at least not for a very long time, as it would take 20 seasons of averaging 15 wins to do so. In fact, the closest active pitcher is Jamie Moyer with 250 wins, and he is all kinds of ancient. 300 is such an elusive number, that you'd have to go all the way to Mark Buehrle to find the winningest pitcher who is 30 or younger and he has only 128 career wins, not even half way. The pitcher who seems to have the best short would be CC Sabathia, who at age 28 has 122 wins and plays for the Yankees, where he will undoubtedly rack up a lot of wins. Of course, that means that Sabathia will have to stay as healthy and effective as he has been for the first 9 seasons of his career for likely at least another 10 seasons, a tall order.

Simply put, Randy Johnson is one of the finest pitchers to ever step on a mound. He is second all-time in strikeouts. He's thrown two no-hitters, including one perfect game. He's a 10-time all-star, a 4-time league leader in ERA, a 9-time league leader in strikeouts, and a 5-time Cy Young award winner. In addition, he sported one of the most fantastically ugly sports mullets of all time for much of his career. While Johnson still has the stuff to stick around for at least a few more years, it is unlikely that he will do so. Obviously he will be finishing the season with San Francisco, but if this is in fact his last season, it will mark the end of the career of arguably the greatest left-handed pitcher in baseball history. About six or seven years from now, the Hall of Fame is going to have plenty of awesome first-ballot pitching talent with Greg Maddux, Mike Mussina, Tom Glavine, John Smoltz, Pedro Martinez and Randy Johnson. Congrats, Randy.

A few thoughts

2009-06-04T11:35:00.002-04:00

It's Thursday and I don't have too much work to do. Time for a random collection of sports (or not) thoughts.

Tony Dungy is one of the best people to ever be associated with football. Not only was he a talented player, but he also was one of the most successful coaches in NFL history. A man who turned the Buccaneers from the most pathetic professional sports franchise ever to a perennial contender, Dungy became the first black head coach to win a Super Bowl ever with the Colts after the 2006 season. In addition, Tony Dungy is one of the most genuinely sincere and pleasant folks to be around. So all this being said, when Tony Dungy says that the Jay Cutler trade was a risk, folks should take a listen. Here's the thing: Cutler isn't a great QB. Is he good? Yes. Perhaps even very good. Can you win a championship with Cutler at the helm? I think so. Worse QBs have done so. But was Jay Cutler worth all the offseason drama? Not a chance. Culter, in his 2 and a half year career as a starter has put up some impressive stats. His 62.5 completion percentage is good as are the 54 TDs he's thrown in that time. However, his 87.1 QB rating is nothing special. And perhaps most importantly, Culter hasn't won. A quarterback's job is to run the offense so that his team is in a position to win. The NFL has proven, time and again, that the teams with the best QBs are the ones who often make the playoffs (with some obvious exceptions, namely teams with overwhelming defenses). In 2008, Culter was 8-8 and the Broncos collapsed down the stretch to allow the chronically under-achieving Chargers to earn the AFC West playoff bid despite at one point being 5-8. The previous season, 7-9. The season before that, Cutler was 2-3 after taking over for Jake Plummer, who had led the Broncos to a 7-4 record. That puts Cutler's record as a starter at 17-20, hardly world beating, especially while playing in a division where you get to play the Chiefs and Raiders, two of the worst teams in the NFL, twice a year. As a point of comparison, Jason Campbell of my Washington Redskins is 15-19 as a starter. Almost exactly the same, except that Campbell plays in either the best or second best division in football and has played in a predominantly run-based attack, rather than the Broncos' offense, which has been tailored for Culter since they drafted him. In addition, Campbell has never had the same offensive coordinator for two consecutive seasons. Now here's the question: If Jason Campbell had bitched and moaned like Cutler and asked to be traded, would any team out there, any team at all, have given the Redskins a league-average starting QB (Kyle Orton), two first round draft picks and a third rounder? If Cutler isn't the second coming of Johnny Unitas, the Bears royally screwed up this one.

The Atlanta Braves have made a bit of noise the last few days. Three moves to examine: the acquisition of Nate McClouth, the call-up of Tommy Hanson, and the release of Tom Glavine. The Braves picked up McClouth from the comically inept Pittsburgh Pirates. McClouth was the Pirates All-Star last season. He had the best season of his career last year with a .276 avg, 26 HRs, 94 RBI, 23 SBs, and an .853 OPS. However, McClouth is not a particularly patient hitter and, despite his good speed and tremendous athleticism, he takes terrible routes in the outfield. Still, he does present an immediate upgrade for the Braves in the outfield, an area that hasn't done anything for a team that thinks it can contend either now or quite soon. In addition, McClouth is under contract at a reasonable rate until 2011 with an option for 2012. The Braves did give up quite a bit however in pitchers Charlie Morton and Jeff Locke, and one of their system's top prospects in Gorkys Hernandez. In all, the Pirates probably got the better end of the deal. Both pitchers could be servicable big leaguers and Hernandez has the potential to be a star. Tommy Hanson was considered by many to be the top pitching prospect in baseball after David Price at the start of the season, and so far he has justified that claim. At 6'6" and 220 lbs, Hanson has big frame that generates mid-90s heat. He also possesses a awesome curveball and a pretty good changeup. In addition, his delivery is near-flawless, so Hanson is essentially as much of a sure-thing as you can have amongst pitching prospects, especially if he can further develop his work-in-progress slider. The release of Glavine leaves me torn. On the one hand, I've always been of the school of thought that you always do what's best for your team's record, keeping a mind toward the future. As such, it would be foolish to give Glavine any playing time. That being said, it's Tom Glavine. Outside of Randy Johnson, one would be hard pressed to find a better lefty in baseball than Glavine since the start of the 90s. Always a consummate professional, Glavine was often overshadowed by the legendary Greg Maddux or the flame-thrower John Smoltz, but was every bit as important to the incredible success of the Braves during the 90s, especially after years of terrible-ness. If this is the last we've seen of Glavine (and I believe it is, unless he signs a contract for the rest of the season with some very desparate team), then baseball will say good bye to one of the finest pitchers of his generation, a man I believe is a shoo-in for the Hall of Fame.

In a bit of sad news, actor David Carradine passed away. Carradine was best know for his roles in the TV show Kung Fu, where he was Bruce Lee before Bruce Lee was cool (though not nearly on the same level of martial arts skill as Lee) and as the titular character of the Kill Bill movies. It should be noted that Carradine passed in a hotel room in Bangkok. Seems fitting.

The NHL's Lord Stanley's Cup finals are under way with the Detroit Red Wings leading the Pittsburgh Penguins 2-1 in a rematch of last years series. I don't have much commentary other than my strong Michigan ties and the fact that, as a Caps fan, I hate the Penguins, and, as a hockey fan, I hate Sidney Crosby, who, while supremely talented, is a whiny bitch, mean that I'm cheering for the Red Wings all the way. I'd be surprised if the extremely deep and talented and experienced boys from Hockey Town, USA don't lift the best trophy in the history of trophies. Hockey is awesome.

The NBA Finals start tonight. To be sure, I'm more surprised than just about anyone that it is the Magic instead of the Cavaliers who are playing the Lakers for basketball supremacy. I was completely wrong about the Fightin' LeBrons. Kudos to the Magic for stepping up their game immensely. I fully expect the Lakers to win, but if the Magic keep shooting as well as they have been (a tall order, but not completely ridiculous), Orlando has the athleticism to out-play Los Angeles. This series should be interesting because of what it means to the stars of both teams. Dwight Howard has gone from a physical freak who was either wildly overrated or wildly underrated depending on whom you asked to a true superstar this playoffs. If he can dominate this series, he will officially have taken the torch from the Big Shaqtus as the NBA's resident hilarious big man who happens to be completely better than you in every way. On the flip side, Kobe Bryant can finally lift the notion that he needed Shaq to win all his rings. (Shaq is somehow involved in both plots, proving once again how genuinely awesome at life he is) If Kobe does win, he'll have established himself as one of the finest to ever play the 2 position.

One of the best songs ever

2009-06-02T14:11:00.001-04:00

I love me some Steve Winwood. Happy Tuesday.

Pulled Pork Breakfast

2009-05-30T15:03:00.003-04:00

So Mr. Wieters went 0-4 yesterday, as many will do, but he called a very good game (thought to be his biggest weakness coming in) and he looked solid. In the words of a friend of mine at the game, "Kid is gonna be nasty."

So I leave you with two things to brighten your day.

1st: Matt Wieters Facts

2nd: I cannot stop laughing at this picture:

Greatness Debuts Tomorrow

2009-05-28T08:47:00.004-04:00

The most hyped Orioles prospect since Jeffery Hammonds (ugh...) makes his debut tomorrow against the Tigers. Matt Wieters is what the Good Lord envisioned when he was creating the perfect catching prospect.

Wieters' potential is through the roof after hitting .355 with 27 HRs and 91 RBIs between A and AA last year and hitting .305 with 5 HRs and 30 RBI at AAA through Tuesday, all while playing very good defense. Simply put, the guy is a stud.

If it sounds like I have a man-crush, it's because I do. Truly great players don't come around very often and come around even less regularly at catcher, a position dominated by low-hit, good glove stocky guys instead of 4 and a half tool gents who are great athletes. The arrival of Wieters (who needs a good nickname...I'm open to suggestions) now means the Orioles have potentially 3 great players in Wieters and outfielders Nick Markakis and Adam "Don't Call Me Pacman" Jones. In addition, top pitching prospects Brian Matusz, Jake Arrieta, and the absurdly young Chris Tillman (just turned 21, making him younger than both of your reasonably young authors) give the Orioles some hope.

Of course, the Rays have an even stronger young core and the Red Sox and the Yankees will be able to outspend just about everyone. So really the Orioles are progressing toward fourth place. I hate myself.

Carl knows...

2009-05-22T14:35:00.001-04:00

There Is No Fate

2009-05-19T17:22:00.001-04:00

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines was not very good.

Actually, that's not true. On its own merit, as a generic action movie, it was quite good. It was exciting, it had believable performances, it had cool characters, it even had a discernible message. But do you notice the "3" in the title? That means it was preceded by two Terminator movies. And unfortunately for T3, its predecessors were two of the best and most influential "action" films ever released.

The Terminator, released in 1984, was the first starring vehicle for the now-ubiquitous Arnold Schwarzenegger. In a not-so-subtle way, this film is directly responsible for Arnold's governance of California. But more importantly, it effectively invented a new form of action cinema.

The second half of the twentieth century saw innumerable developments in genre reconstruction beginning with the spaghetti westerns of Sergio Leone in the late 1960's. Filmmakers--and their audience--were getting smarter, and it shown through in even the most Neanderthal of genres, the action-adventure. By the 1980's, the high-concept film was in full effect thanks to the likes of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. In 1981, Raiders of the Lost Ark--an archetype of adventure cinema now considered one of the best films of all time in any genre--was nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards.

And so we come to 1984. Arnold Schwarzenegger is famous only amongst bodybuilding fanatics for his seven Mr. Olympia titles. James Cameron is a 29-year-old filmmaker with only Piranha II: The Spawning under his directorial belt. Michael Biehn and Linda Hamilton are in their early twenties, their only experience coming in soap operas and, in Biehn's case, as an extra in Grease. Together, on a budget of $6 million, they will make the cornerstone of one of the most lucrative and popular film franchises in history.

The Terminator was released on October 26, 1984--not exactly blockbuster season. By the end of its theatrical run, it had grossed $38 million in the United States and $50 million overseas. Cameron and Co. had...something. But it wasn't yet clear what. The answer would come seven years later.

By 1991, the global film community had been saturated with the sweaty, tongue-in-cheek explosionfests of the late 1980's, many of which were Arnold's fault (Commando, Predator, The Running Man, Total Recall), and the rest of which were Stallone's fault (Rambo: First Blood Part II, Rambo III, Rambo: Fourth Sandwich Part XVI, Rocky IV, Over the Top). The announcement of Terminator 2: Judgment Day probably didn't arouse any scholarly types across the country. "Another Schwarzenegger movie," someone probably sighed in June. "The studio is just capitalizing on his fame and they're going to ruin all of the promise of the original."

Which is precisely what didn't happen. The first Terminator introduced the iconic "character"--awesomely--as a silent, methodical, merciless killer. As our ill-fated hero, Kyle Reese, said laconically: "It can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear, and it absolutely will not stop. Ever. Until you are dead."

So the second one would be more of the same, wouldn't it? Somehow James Cameron took his one-dimensional killing machine and twisted it into the father figure in the most warped version of the mid-1950's nuclear family of the 20th century.

This wasn't merely a fun popcorn movie; this was spectacular filmmaking--Adam Greenberg's cinematography is often cited as the best in the history of color film. Terminator 2's legacy as arguably the best and most transcendental action film of all time stands to this day, even as we approach the 18th (!) anniversary of its theatrical release. Considering the release and popularity of films like The Spirit, Punisher: War Zone, and Max Payne, it often seems as though filmmakers concede that they cannot even approach the level of nuance and skill that Cameron and Co. displayed in 1991, and therefore do not even try.

Which leads us to Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. When compared it to other action films of this decade, T3 shows us just how spoiled we were by its predecessors. It was a fine action vehicle. Arnold was in top form, Nick Stahl delivered a sincere performance as John Connor, and it even had the nihilistic ending we have come to expect and love of the series. But...it wasn't T2. It wasn't T1. It simply went through the motions so that it might emerge unscathed from the box office. It delivered, with near-chemical precision, no more than the audience asked for. Perhaps it was the non-involvement of James Cameron, whose absence may have yielded the dearth of originality. Perhaps it was Nick Stahl, who confused the vulnerability of Edward Furlong's John Connor with pedantic whining. Perhaps it was Claire Danes' Kate Brewster character, who could have been excised from the entire film without anyone noticing.

In a few days, the fourth installment of the Terminator franchise will be unleashed upon the early summer masses. It will make mad bank, as the childrens say; box office revenue is almost certainly not a concern in the Warner Bros. offices. Some are even predicting Salvation will outgross Michael EXPLOSION Bay’s Transformers sequel, also due this summer.

No, the execs are happily anticipating Salvation’s opening weekend for exactly the same reason that I am afraid of it: they got what they wanted. Say this out loud: The fourth entry in the Terminator film franchise is a PG-13 May release directed by McG. That sounds undeniably less than promising, doesn’t it?

The first Terminator accomplished its meager aspirations because nobody cared about its financial prospects. It was shot cheaply and marketed even cheaper (cheaperly?). The second Terminator succeeded because 1991 was a time before (but only just before) America turned into a giant conservative racist grandmother and you could make a 3-hour, R-rated awesomefest for $200 million and still turn an enormous profit. If Terminator 2 came out today it would maybe, maybe, crack $80 million domestically.

The facts of Terminator Salvation keep us living on a knife’s edge. It has undeniable positives. Its lead is Christian Bale, who has over the past nine years crafted one of the five best active careers in Hollywood. Its script was rewritten by Jonathan Nolan, who penned Memento, one of the cleanest examples of experimental storytelling, and The Dark Knight, the new and future benchmark in quality action filmmaking.

But it has one terrifying, inescapable pitfall. A pitfall that consists of only three letters: McG.
Yes, Terminator Salvation, with its Hall of Fame cast and crew, is helmed by Joseph McGinty Nichol, a man with a perfectly normal name who has professionally christened himself as a fast food combo meal. How many Oscars would Schindler’s List have won if it had been directed by “The Spielz?”

McG is still young enough—40—that his brightest days are still ahead of him. The obsession with youth does not inhabit the area behind the camera as it does in front of it. But his existing body of work is enough to make you cringe at the notion of handing him one of action cinema’s most beloved and important enterprises. McG has directed, in total, three films: Charlie’s Angels, Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, and We Are Marshall. That’s it.

Before all you McG fans (if you’re out there) rush to his defense, I shall make the inevitable statistical concession: Yes, I am fully aware that the first Charlie’s Angels film has a totally respectable 68% “Fresh” rating at Rotten Tomatoes. And yes, to some degree, you can color me impressed that McG was able to make 68% of a good film out of one of the most vapid concepts to ever come out of 1970’s network television—the foremost authority on vapidity.

But we are not asking him to deliver The Transporter 4, nor Predator 3, nor Commando 2. This is a film franchise featuring two flawless entries (according to their professional critiques) and a third which, while considered abysmal compared to its predecessors, is still better than McG’s best effort to date.

I don’t want to sound unenthusiastic or hopeless; on the contrary, the film’s teasers and previews have left me almost bewildered by the potential for quality. Salvation might just be a superb addition to the franchise.

It would be inaccurate to say that I have faith in McG and his ability to reproduce the stirring combination of intimacy and exhilaration of T2. I don’t. What I have is cautious optimism in the pieces surrounding McG to overcome his directorial shortcomings and deliver something of high, but not ethereal, quality. There is nothing that would make me happier than for McG to prove me wrong about him. That might not be a ringing endorsement, but it’s the best we can do.

McG of all people should know by now to heed the words of Sarah Connor. The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves. Here’s hoping McG took her words to heart and crafted a film that any director could be proud of.

This pretty much sums up where I am on this take home final

2009-05-16T06:50:00.001-04:00

Oh Dear

2009-05-16T05:48:00.002-04:00

Well the sun is beginning to rise and the birds are chirping and I'm still not done.

Alas.

In the meantime, I give you some of the sweet sounds of Metallica, who have helped me through my evening.

25 things

2009-05-16T04:57:00.000-04:00

You've seen it on facebook/myspace/stalkers.com...

Now enjoy these 25 things that may or may not have anything to do with me but are items I felt like I should write down. Remember, these are all facts.

1. The last two songs that came up on my iTunes shuffle are Wait and Bleed by Slipknot and Lucky by Britney Spears...no joke

2. Osman and Joe's Steak and Egg Kitchen is the greatest eatery ever.

3. Say what you will about Mike Tyson, but boxing has had exactly zero entertaining heavyweights since he retired

4. Caron "Tough Juice" Butler has the best nickname in sports. Dmitri "Da Meat Hook" Young has the second best. David Eckstein is terrible.

5. http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1813541

6. Bacon makes everything better.

7. Coaching little league baseball sounds cute and rewarding. It is. Until the kids show up.

8. The thing Nick and I disagree on most is music. We simply have very differing tastes. However, we both agree that Muse is one of the most awesome bands ever.

9. The John Basedow tsunami rumor ranks as the greatest hoax of all time, just ahead of KISS drummer Peter Criss being a homeless alcoholic.

10. If I was capable, I would immediately grow a Wannstache

11. Please take a listen to Night Moves by Bob Seger. You're welcome.

12. One of my many life goals is to get into a fist fight with Lex Luger. He knows what he did.

13. 13 is my favorite number, but probably the most boring entry of this list.

14. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSpCf8-AE94

15. Michael Jackson's body of musical work almost makes it ok to touch kids. Almost.

16. Chris Dane Owens.

17. The 5 best ESPN personalities, in no particular order, are: Barry Melrose, Scott Van Pelt, John Buccigross, Jon Miller, Barry Melrose's mullet

18. http://beautifulackbar.ytmnd.com/

19. My diet over the past semester has consisted almost entirely of Hot Pockets, frozen chicken, cereal, and Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. I think I'm going to die soon.

20. The 1997 Orioles might have been the best team to not win the World Series. Some key players: Chris Hoiles, Rafael Palmeiro, Roberto Alomar, Mike Bordick, Cal Ripken Jr, Eric Davis, Brady Anderson, BJ Surhoff, Harold Baines, Jeffery Hammonds, Pete Incaviglia, Jeff Reboulet, Lenny Webster, Mike Mussina, Jimmy Key, Scott Erickson, Scott Kamenicki, Randy Myers, Arthur Rhodes, Armando Benitez, Jesse Orosco, Alan Mills, Rocky Coppinger. And yes, I got those all off the top of my head.

21. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqeqsBQ0wq0

22. It is clearly very difficult for me to care about this class.

23. Danny Trejo might be the most awesome person alive.

24. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa7ck5mcd1o

25. Here's a fun fact for you: Thomas Ian Griffith, who played Terry Silver in Karate Kid Part III, is a few months younger than Ralph Macchio, who played Daniel LaRusso.

Yes.

2009-05-16T02:53:00.001-04:00

No further comment necessary.

Bring the Thunder!

2009-05-16T01:03:00.003-04:00

This is going very poorly for me...I'm off to purchase some caffeine from ye olde vending machine.

So I leave you ravaged and in shambles by the Black Viking of the Hardwood himself, Mr. Shawn Tiberius Kemp.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

2009-05-15T23:42:00.001-04:00

Right up there with South Park as the funniest TV Show out there now.

Go find it online right now...there are places.

Pooped Pants

2009-05-15T22:44:00.002-04:00

So I'm partaking in an all-nighter for finals tonight...I might be posting a couple videos, links, etc. that keep me going throughout the night, at least until I finish my take-home final.*

We'll start with this from Derrick Comedy. Pooped pants is always funny. Until it happens to you.

*If I don't follow through...what are you going to do?

Playoffs??!?!?!??!!??!?!?!!!

2009-05-11T14:54:00.002-04:00

Guest Review: David Hankla on X-Men Origins: Wolverine

2009-05-06T13:38:00.006-04:00

David Hankla is a Gonzo journalist and Halifax Sex Knight with an assload of undergraduate and postgraduate degrees in film from Duke, NYU, and USC. So you should trust his judgment. For future reference, this site will grade films on a five-star scale.

If you’re going to scrap 30 years of carefully crafted history, at least have the courtesy to make the end result entertaining.

What an utter waste of talent. What a waste of potential. Worst of all, what a waste of time. Not just the audience’s time either, but the time of so many countless people who clearly worked very hard to make those trucks blow up, or that nuclear power plant fall down, and even those dozens of people who worked on the simple moments, like when Logan’s claws spark as they touch each other. Ah, what a great scene: straight out of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, both in the quality of the CGI and the laughability of the moment. The sad difference though, is that Roger Rabbit wanted to make us laugh.

How did no one ever stand up and shout out, “PEOPLE, DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT WE’RE DOING?” Someone had to wonder. A lot of people had to wonder. This movie cost close to two-hundred-million dollars to make. That’s a number with eight zeroes. That’s like winning the mega-millions lottery twice. When you play with that kind of money, shouldn’t someone demand that a script be written that wasn’t scrawled in the back of a limo during rides to the set? There were more groan-inducing lines in this butcher’s slop than in Spider-Man 3. And Spider-Man 3 was terrible. How did nobody demand a rewrite?

This script felt as if it had been coddled together from a series of web comics written by people who neither knew comic book history nor ever spoke to one another. There was no storyline, no emotional development, and no character arc, very little logic and the closest thing to range shown was behind the characters, when silence often was compared, then broken by sounds of massive explosions. Talented actors appeared and were wasted, characters who could have been major components or even carried films of their own were cast aside in five-lines or less. Entire centuries of history bearing limitless potential for multiple, independent Wolverine origin films were thrown aside during the opening credits alone. Talented people worked on this film. A lot of talented people. Award-winning people. How did nobody care that what they were making was garbage?

Normally, paragraph four is where the critic is supposed to describe the plot of the film so that the potential viewer reading sed review can decide whether the film is really the kind of story he/she might like. Well, as previously stated, the story is a half-coddled mess, so let me summarize in bullet point so as to save us all time.

a) Wolverine starts as a boy. He kills his first person.
b) Then he grows up. He is played by Hugh Jackman, who is fit, but looks old.
c) He kills a lot of people.
d) Then he grows tired of killing people and falls in love in Canada.
e) Creed, his brother, kills Wolverine’s girlfriend. He is played by Liev Schreiber.
f) Wolverine gets mad, then gets metal grafted to his bones. He kills a lot of people.
g) A lot of things blow up. Nothing is resolved.

That was fun. Much more efficient too. And wow, no details wasted. Back to the viscera.

To ignore so many years of talented, painstaking effort is more than just laziness: it is arrogance. It isn’t hard to adapt a comic book well. Comic books are storyboards already. Just take the dialogue and stories that have already been written and combine them in a linear fashion. If the film is done well, the original writers will be proud that their stories and words made it into such a well-done film. The only real way to mess this process up is to either have bad material to being with (not the case here), or to rush the work and assume that the audience will be dumb enough not to care if the story presented to them is boring, effects-driven tripe.

In the final moments of the film, during the rolling of the unending credits, came the hidden scene. This is after the great pay-off that made no sense and the burning of the digital world, of course . . .but there it was. It appeared suddenly out of that black-and-white Courier font simplicity and lasted only four lines, but was meant to whet our appetite for the obvious sequel. As the scene ended, a fellow audience member promptly shouted out “Are You Serious?!?!?” with both gusto and horror. Whoever you are, honest teenager, you put it perfectly. If only you’d been on set for this production as well.

One Star

Directed by Gavin Hood
Written by David Benioff and Skip Woods

Starring:
Hugh Jackman – Logan/Wolverine
Liev Schreiber – Victor Creed/Sabretooth
Danny Huston – William Stryker
Will.i.Am – John Wraith
Lynn Collins – Kayla Silverfox
Kevin Durand – Frederick J. Dukes/The Blob
Dominic Monaghan – Chris Bradley/Bolt
Taylor Kitsch – Remy LeBeau/Gambit
Daniel Henney – David North/Agent Zero
Ryan Reynolds – Wade Wilson/Deadpool
Scott Adkins – Weapon XI
Tim Pocock – Scott Summers
Julia Blake – Heather Hudson
Max Cullen – Travis Hudson
Troye Sivan – James
Michael-James Olsen – Dog (Young Creed)
Peter O’Brien – John Howlett
Aaron Jeffery – Thomas Logan
Alice Parkinson – Elizabeth Howlett

David Hankla owns and operates BranniganRants.com. He is a bad enough dude to save the president. Are you?

Let's Be Honest

2009-05-05T23:38:00.000-04:00

Let's get the concessions out of the way first. Beyonce is a terrible actress on par with Madonna in Dick Tracy. Ali Larter is not nearly hot enough, and I mean by a galaxy of hotness, to make the idea that a super-handsome black man would consider leaving his wife Beyonce for her work. And, sadly for him, Idris Elba will probably never be able to make a film without at least thirty percent of the audience ask, "Why is Stringer Bell in this movie?"

Obsessed probably has some other problems, too, like a terrible script with ham-fisted dialogue, a total zero for a director, Jerry O'Connell is in it, and perhaps most overlooked is the fact that it was released by Screen Gems. Screen Gems is awful.

You are waiting for the "but!"

BUT!

I honestly don't care. This movie looks so awesomely terrible I can barely contain my exuberance. Allow me to elaborate.

1. Idris Elba is the male lead of this film. Idris Elba is notable for two things: playing Stringer Bell on The Wire and being supremely good-looking.

2. The plot, while contrived, formulaic, and stale, manages to toss some taboo sexcellence into the mix: interracial intercourse!

3. This movie has the potential to be one of the best crappy guilty pleasure films of this decade. Do you remember the first time you saw The Boondock Saints, and you thought to yourself, "Wow, that movie was fucking awful! No one with a brain stem could enjoy that pile of shit!" And then you found out that four of your friends ABSOLUTELY LOVE The Boondock Saints? That is about to happen to me with Obsessed.

In six months when I come skipping home from Best Buy with an enormous smile on my face and a small rectangle tucked lovingly under my arm, and someone asks me what I bought, and I reply that I bought Obsessed, they will punch me in the face, but I will still be happy, because I will know the truth.

The Boutros on A-Rod

2009-05-05T23:20:00.002-04:00

I agree with some of my man Bearfight's most recent post on Alex Rodriguez, his steroid use, and the newly-released book about the former by Selena Roberts. Like Bearfight, I hope Rodriguez performs poorly statistically and I hope the Yankees' season suffers because of his detrimental on-field efforts. This is because I root against him and his team as a baseball fan. In that regard, there is no animosity in my antagonism of the man.

But! The first item I must point out as potential falsehood is Bearfight's description of Rodriguez as "the greatest baseball player in the world right now." This is simply not true. He is not the most talented, he is not the most clutch, he is not the most feared, he is not the most productive. By no definition of talent or output is Alex Rodriguez the best baseball player in the world. Albert Pujols is the best baseball player in the world. And if it's "right now" you want, it would be hard to argue against Zack Greinke.

More importantly, though, I take issue with Bearfight's defense of Rodriguez's...soul, I guess? His argument is that because Rodriguez never hurt anyone else through his steroid use, he does not deserve the unilateral scorn he receives from the mass media, the fans and general public. But I totally disagree. I don't give a shit if he didn't hurt anyone else. He is paid over $20 million per year--about $45,000 per at-bat--to play baseball. He is at your disposal and my disposal and the disposal of every asshole out there who pays to see him play. He is meat. He is a commodity. He is goods and sundries. (And he obviously sees himself in the same way, considering what he is willing to do to his body to get ahead.)

People aren't so stupid or naive anymore that they decry steroid use as counter to the American wholesomeness of what baseball should stand for. That is a crock of shit. Everyone's on something these days; to call Rodriguez out as a taint upon the pristine crystal castle of nice fluffy innocence is bunk, bunk I say! But that doesn't mean you have to like it. And in a sad, sad way, it changes the self-aggrandizing reaction of the fan. It doesn't matter if you do steroids; it matters if you are a dirtbag, and it matters aun mas if you're a dirtbag who gets caught.

The fan has absolutely, positively no obligation to make excuses for the athlete. This is the life that they signed up for, because most of them are smart enough to know how to stay in the cut without committing some atrociously stupid crime or other mistake. If you are a superstar multimillionaire athlete in the sports-lunatic United States and you break the rules--the rules of the game, the rules of the road, the rules of your nuptuals--not only should you prepare to be caught, you should prepare to be skewered for the rest of your life. And you will deserve it.

Yes, Bearfight, most people are assholes. The ratio of asshole to not-asshole is depressingly high across the world. But do you know where it's even higher? In professional sports. These men do not care about you. They would not protect your image if it were in jeopardy. Why should you try to protect theirs? Alex Rodriguez is not going to send you a bouquet of flowers just because you rushed to his defense.

Ultimately, I don't care about Alex Rodriguez. His fate will not determine mine. I don't think he's evil and I don't think he should be imprisoned or suspended or whatever. But I also don't think people like Bearfight and Jim Caple should waste their breath coming to the defense of a man who means nothing to them and to whom they most certainly mean nothing. Perhaps I'm too cynical or apathetic to be a "true" sports fan, the kind that forms a one-way symbiotic nurse shark relationship with my favorite professional athletes.

An addendum: I'd like to point out to all five of you that yes, this is a most rare occasion on which Bearfight and I are not in full tandem-bass agreement. It's worth noting that in the three years since we entered college, Bearfight and I have arrived at different places with regards to our relationship with sports and the athletes that play them. As a staff writer in the sports department at the Michigan Daily, now the only newspaper in Ann Arbor thanks to the death of the Ann Arbor News, I have been on the receiving end of some undeservedly poor treatment at the hands of various athletic department staff and students. When you are blown off by an eleventh-string volleyball player on the second-worst volleyball team in the Big Ten, you cannot help but develop a thick skin. As a result of my three years of begrudging access to occasionally unwarranted elitism, my default perception of athletes is a negative one. I am this way for my own protection; this way, when a pine-riding chump on the diving team tells me I am not worth his time, my feelings are not hurt and I remain unfazed, and when a member of the women's gymnastics team smiles at me and answers all of my questions I am all the happier for it. Perhaps Bearfight has been in similar situations; perhaps not. The last thing I want to do is put words in his mouth. All I can tell you is that athletes presently exist in my life as disposable amenities, because I am no more to them. I would be foolish not to admit that this undoubtedly affects my opinions of professional athletes as well.

Please read

2009-05-04T14:56:00.002-04:00

An excellent piece today on ESPN.com's Page 2 by Jim Caple (a fine writer who deserves to be read) concerning the ridiculous standards which the public holds ARod and, by extension, other baseball players.

You can find the piece here.

With the release of Selena Roberts' new book about ARod, there has been and undoubtedly will continue to be even more scrutiny on the greatest baseball player in the world right now. Now don't get me wrong, I don't like ARod. In fact, I hope he fails, because that means that the Yankees will be failing giving my Orioles a better chance. In fact, to varying extents, I hope every single player not employed by the Orioles fails. If you feel any differently about the players who are not on your team, you are, quite frankly, a terrible fan of that team. In addition, I don't condone ARod's steroid use or some of his extra-curricular activities. But the fact is that ARod, and Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire and so on and so on before him, are being held to an impossibly high standard. Think about it. How many of you wouldn't have taken steroids? It's an injection that could make you earn millions of dollars more a year and, at the time, there were little to no consequences for doing so. Why did he do this? Because, like everyone else, Rodriguez is human. Nobody is perfect and for him to simply wish to be better to satisfy the cravings of the hordes of fans out there who want nothing less than greatness is a natural and encouraged desire.

Here's a fact for you: most people are assholes. Think about the people you know. Your family, your friends, your coworkers. There's a least a few assholes in that group, unless you live in a monastery (in which case, you're probably the asshole because you're breaking the rules and using the internet). People cheat on their taxes, they cheat on their spouses, they don't pay parking tickets, they buy an extra lunch on their company's tab, they promise to do something and then completely neglect it. ARod hasn't beaten his wife. He hasn't exploited sweat-shop labor. He hasn't raped anyone. He hasn't been caught in a huge embezzlement scam. Quite literally nobody has been directly harmed by his actions. And yet we crucify him as though he were the second coming of Pol Pot. Folks, I'm not saying we leave ARod alone, I'm just suggesting we criticize him when he actually deserves criticism. If the man goes 0-4 during a playoff game, let's rip on him (sidebar: Derek Jeter's post-season stats in 25 series: 17 HRs, .377 OBP, .469 SLG; ARod's post-season stats in 10 series, less than half: 7 HRs, .361 OBP, .483 SLG...essentially the same player except Rodriguez has always played better defense). If the man has taken steroids since the implementation of the new drug policies, let's rip on him and penalize him appropriately. If the man does something truly egregious (like, say killing your wife and then playing the race card to get out of it, OJ) then we can rip on him. But otherwise, treat him like anyone else you know.

Hottest Jam of the summer

2009-04-29T12:09:00.003-04:00

Is it just me? Or could you replace any reference to food in this track with hooker and it still works?

Professional Wrestling: The Apex of American Sport

2009-04-28T12:59:00.003-04:00

The following is my submission for a paper in my KNES287 class at the University of Maryland-College Park. I don't mind if you choose to use it, but know that if you do without crediting me and you submit it as your own, that is plagiarism. I'm just saying. Hope you enjoy it. If not, I don't care.

Sports in America have transcended having a game of catch in the back yard. Of course there are still episodes of that quaint simplicity; in fact that is where most Americans are indoctrinated into the colossus that is sport. But main-stream sports have become a massive cluster of inter-twined icons and ideals. Sport is a spectacle. Fans see it in the larger-than-life athletes who play the game. They see it in the modern marvels of architecture where the games are played. They see it in the advertising that pays for the telecast. And there is no spectacle greater or more exemplary of this transformation in sport than professional wrestling. The objective of this research is to further examine the influence and connection of professional wrestling to the greater society.

Wrestling is fake. Everybody knows this. The outcomes of each match are predetermined and, in that sense, wrestling is not a true competition. When most think about viewed sport, they think competition. Whether it is baseball, basketball, football, soccer, tennis, golf, or swimming, there is a competition that gives the sport an inherent excitement. If competition is what qualifies a sport as a legitimate spectator sport, then professional wrestling falls far short. However, one would be hard-pressed to find better examples of what the sociological imagination of American society deems as athletes. One brief look up and down the roster of the WWE, by far the largest and most successful promotion in professional wrestling, will reveal a bevy of modern-day marvels; as if they were chiseled from stone.

Wrestlers such as Triple H and Batista made careers before their wrestling careers on body building circuit. Wrestler Mark Henry was an Olympic power-lifter before his time in the “squared-circle.” Vladimir Kozlov was once an accomplished mixed martial arts fighter from Russia. Wrestlers like The Big Show and John Bradshaw Layfield starred as college athletes in other sports. And countless wrestlers such as Shad Gaspar, R-Truth, and Ezekiel Jackson made a living as body guards and bouncers. All of these backgrounds, and certainly their current profession, rely almost exclusively on being the “male ideal” in terms of physique. What is the male ideal? For the answer, we turn to society’s sociological imagination. The ideal male, at least in the eyes of the common male, professional wrestling’s target demographic along with children, is a muscle-bound freak who is abnormally large. As Kacey M. Lusk of Western Kentucky University discusses, men believe that it is more attractive to be heavily muscular despite the fact most women find ideal attractiveness to be less so. (Lusk, 2005) In theory, this means that men idolize the builds of physical freaks of nature and true anomalies such as body builder Ronnie Coleman, former baseball player Jose Canseco, or professional wrestler John Cena. On the other hand, women would find the much more attainable and leaner physique to be most attractive. (Lusk, 2005)

However, because wrestling is geared to entertain males, with their own conceptions of the ideal body, and children, who like to view their TV heroes as super-human, the vast majority of professional wrestlers are behemoths and unrealistically muscular. This feeds and furthers the sociological imagination of the populous. This has spurred many to emulate their favorite superstars, looking for any way possible to get to that size and shape. For many, this means steroids and other mass-building drugs. While steroids have proven to be potentially quite harmful, they do appear to have fully integrated themselves as a tool in the fulfillment of the sociological imagination. Major sports such as baseball and football certainly have their own issues with performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs), but rarely are the results of PED use as visible as they are in professional wrestling. In fact, while PEDs might not necessarily improve the skills required to perform in baseball or football, because professional wrestling is a determined show, those who look the part and meet that ideal physique are more successful. It should come as no surprise then that many professional wrestlers are users of PEDs. As discussed in a Sports Illustrated interview from 2007, as many as 11 WWE superstars were connected with ordering PEDs including stanozolol, HGH, and testosterone from just one source. (Sports Illustrated, 2007) This does not include other superstars who ordered PEDs from another source or the numerous independent circuit wrestlers working for smaller companies.

The use of PEDs and mass-building drugs is so prevalent in professional wrestling because of the simple reason that if the wrestler is bigger, then his popularity is bigger. Perhaps the two finest examples of this are former wrestlers Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit. Both broke into professional wrestling as smaller competitors, relying on their in-ring abilities to impress a crowd. However, after many years as nothing more than “mid-carders” (mildly popular wrestlers, but never the top draw and therefore never making top dollar), both began using anabolic steroids. In March 2004, both Guerrero and Benoit won the WWE and World Heavyweight Championships, respectively, at Wrestlemania XX; an indicator that these two were at the top of the heap in terms of popularity. Just over a year later, Guerrero was found dead in his hotel room due to complications because of an enlarged heart, caused by his past anabolic steroid use; Guerrero, at age 38, weighed 230 lbs of pure muscle while standing only 5’8”. (SI, 2007) Less than two years after that, Benoit was found dead in his home in Georgia after he had killed his wife and son and then hung himself. His actions were in part attributed to his mental instability derived from years of steroid use plus numerous concussions suffered on the job that caused his brain to swell; Benoit was a muscular 220 lbs at just 5’10”. (SI, 2007) These two incidents, plus other early deaths of former professional wrestlers due to complications associated with steroid use have brought the wrestling industry under scrutiny. However, a lot of this worry has passed as the sociological imagination of society calls for their heroes to be mountains of men. In fact, one only need look at the current (as of 4/27/09) champions in the WWE to see the sociological imagination at work. WWE Champion Randy Orton, World Heavyweight Champion Edge, and Intercontinental Champion Rey Mysterio we all mentioned as users of PEDs. (wwe.com, 2009 and SI, 2007) In addition, United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter is a former gang member who had served time in prison, a prime example of the macho and hardcore image the sociological imagination aspires to, before becoming a professional wrestler. (wwe.com, 2009)

But wrestling appeals to the masses not only because of its macho participants. Wrestling, dubbed as “sports entertainment” by WWE CEO Vince McMahon, is a true American spectacle. Every week, the WWE puts on at least three televised programs, RAW on Monday nights, ECW on Tuesday nights, and Smackdown on Friday nights, all of which are highly rated (RAW routinely wins its time slot amongst cable viewers and occasionally beats out network television programs). In addition, numerous “house shows” are performed as untelevised, lower-key opportunities for generally smaller venues to get a glimpse at their favorite wrestlers. One need only take a look at the standard setup of one of these televised shows to begin to understand the spectacle that is professional wrestling. Depending on whatever city the wrestlers will be performing in that evening, the event will be held in generally the largest indoor arena in the city and the event is usually sold out. (Lipscomb, 2005, page 125) The ring is situated in the center of the arena and seating is on three sides. (Lipscomb, 125) On the fourth side, usually to the left for the television viewer, a large stage with a giant video screen as well as hidden speakers and pyrotechnics. (Lipscomb, 125-126) These all become very apparent during the entrances of each wrestler as they enter the arena to do battle. Highlight videos of past accomplishments are accompanied by blasting, aggressive music and often venue-shaking pyrotechnics as each wrestler makes his way down to the ring. As Lipscomb puts it, there are both elements of “a rock concert and a boxing match” in play at every show. (Lipscomb, 126)

The big-fight feel is augmented by the actions of the wrestlers before any actual wrestling takes place. The announcing team will repeatedly hype up-coming matches by relaying stories of the competitors’ past histories as and individuals and versus each other. (Lipscomb, 135) Their general overall tone is one of excitement and anticipation, in an effort to get the crowd and especially the viewing audience at home into a frenzied state for the following match. (Lipscomb, 136) In addition to the hype created by the announcers, backstage cut-scenes that feature the wrestlers in their locker rooms or walking the hallways of the arena, much as a prize fighter would, generates even more eagerness for the impending matches. (Lipscomb, 129)
In addition, every wrestler gets his opportunity to channel his inner-Ali with a lot of pre-match microphone work. Wrestlers often take these opportunities to berate their opponent or opponents and boost their own popularity, highlighting some aspect of their wrestling persona, such as the quick wit of the Rock, the work ethic of John Cena, or the ruthlessness of Triple H. (Lipscomb, 131) These promos build up not only the popularity of the wrestlers but also generate interest in the fabricated feud between wrestlers which helps generate more interest in the product as the entertainment aspect of sports entertainment. (Lipscomb, 131-132) While in-ring prowess makes for a respected wrestler, it is often these promos where a performer’s popularity, and therefore, money, is made. Wrestlers with better microphone skills and catchphrases are the ones who are the most popular, win the most championships and matches, and make the most money. (Lipscomb, 135) Some of the most successful professional wrestlers of all time can be summed up by their catch phrases: Hulk Hogan’s “Whatcha gonna do, brother?”; Ric Flair’s “Woo!”; Stone Cold Steve Austin’s “What?”; Shawn Michaels and Triple H as Degeneration X’s “Suck it!”; and the Rock’s “If ya smell what the Rock is cooking!”.
On a wrestler-by-wrestler basis, promos serve to build popularity, but as far as the company is concerned, they build the tension of a storyline or feud that culminate in a monthly pay-per-view event. (Lipscomb, 131-132) Often given names that conjure up images of aggression and pain, further filling the sociological imagination of the alpha male, such as “Armageddon” or “Unforgiven”, these pay-per-views generate millions of dollars in revenue and serve as the time to highlight the wrestling abilities of the performers often in gimmick matches that amp up the brutality and violence of an already brutal and violent profession. This is also the place where most championships change hands, marking a change in who is at the top of the popularity scale. (Lipscomb, 132) By far the biggest and most important of these pay-per-views is Wrestlemania.

Usually held in late March or early April of every year, Wrestlemania is now in its 25th consecutive year as the absolute pinnacle of professional wrestling. Generally priced higher than other pay-per-views throughout the year, Wrestlemania is the Super Bowl of professional wrestling, with not only the best of the best performing but also the popular culture tie-ins that often overshadow the sport itself. From the very beginning, Vince McMahon, the creator of Wrestlemania, envisioned a cross-culture entertainment spectacular and certainly has delivered to a level rarely seen. The very first Wrestlemania included celebrity appearances by Yankees’ manager Billy Martin, Liberace, Mr. T, and Muhammed Ali. (wwe.com, 2009) Since then, a wide range of pop culture icons have appeared in association with the event, including champion boxers Mike Tyson and Floyd Mayweather; models and actors and actresses such as Pamela Anderson, Jenny McCarthy, and Mickey Rourke; business mogul Donald Trump; and musicians Ray Charles, Robert Goulet, Willie Nelson, Motorhead, Ice-T, and Kid Rock, to name a few. (wwe.com, 2009) This list does not include countless celebrities who appeared solely in attendance. This universality has led to Wrestlemania routinely being one of the most watched events on television year after year in spite of its price tag. In addition, Wrestlemania generates hundreds of millions of dollars in economic stimulus for whatever city it is being held in that year. It is estimated that Wrestlemania 23, held in Detroit in early 2007, generated nearly $1 billion with its ticket and merchandise sales plus sales and events held in association with the event such as hotels, fan-fests, etc. (wwe.com, 2009)

Of course, the universality of sports entertainment is not limited to wrestling-based events. The greatest example of this crossover appeal is, without a doubt, Dwayne Johnson. Johnson, long known to wrestling fans as the Rock, is the epitome of a multi-talented persona. Johnson, the son and grandson of professional wrestlers, was once a member of the Miami Hurricanes football team, where he won a National Championship in 1991. He then went on to have one of the most decorated (popular) and successful wrestling careers of all time and was consistently one of the greatest merchandise sellers in the industry despite often playing the “heel” or bad guy. (wwe.com, 2009) While Johnson had become wildly successful as a wrestler, he soon moved on to a much more lucrative and less dangerous profession as a movie actor. Since 2001, Johnson’s films have made $791.9 million at the box office and he has become one of the most recognizable persons on the planet. (rottentomatoes.com, 2009) Known for his model looks, his impressive physique, and quick wit, Johnson has dominated the entertainment scene as a whole both as a wrestler and an actor. Of course, Johnson is not alone in his crossover success, especially in the realm of acting. Wrestlers such as Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, and John Cena have starred in numerous films as something other than a wrestler. While critically these films have been a mixed bag, all have generally done well at the box office.

When posed with the question as to what is the ultimate American experience in sport, professional wrestling, with its appeal to the sociological imagination of the ideal male physique, its spectacle of production, its economic impact, and its cultural appeal and influence, must be considered. Professional wrestling, while not necessarily a sport in the truest, competition-based sense of the word, blends athleticism and entertainment to levels that can be matched really by only the four major sports (football, baseball, basketball, and hockey) in America. Wrestling has that working-class appeal in its base physicality but also has a cross-over value thanks to its incredible revenue generation that makes it attractive to members of all classes. (Kreit, 1998) From the research conducted here, one can tell that professional wrestling has a unique grasp of sportainment and what it means to American society.

Auto-Tune the News

2009-04-27T20:17:00.003-04:00

Real posts about real movies coming soon from the Boutros.

In the interim:

Llamas with Hats

2009-04-22T13:49:00.001-04:00

I mean...I laughed.

NOW JUST ONE MINUTE!

2009-04-16T13:30:00.002-04:00

...

...

...

...

Barry Melrose.

And while we're at it...

...
...

...

...

...Barry Melrose.

Big Surprise

2009-04-14T23:10:00.002-04:00

Can't....stop....flexing....Playgirl....offering....millions...

Middleweight Oscar De La Hoya is 39-6 over the course of his 16-year boxing career, but has lost four of his past seven decisions, the most recent of which was his December 6th embarrassment at the hands of Manny Pacquiao, who stands nearly four full inches shorter than the Golden Boy.

And way more ripped.

It came as no surprise, then, that De La Hoya announced his retirement from the ring this afternoon, although in contemporary boxing, nonsensical behavior is probably more common than smart business decisions.

De La Hoya's supporters will herald him as the modern face of pugilism, a handsome and affable leading man who kept the sport afloat while the heavyweight division turned into a nightmare used car auction. His detractors will decry his accomplishments as nothing more than straw men, paper victories over glass-jawed opponents embellished by De La Hoya's salesmanship. The truth, as always, lies somewhere in between.

De La Hoya has won ten championships in six different weight classes and has generated more money (in PPV sales, etc.) than anyone in the history of the sport. Those are the facts. Where the discussion enters the world of gray is the inspection of his opponents. Yes, he has fought Pacquiao, Mayweather, Hopkins, Mosley, and Trinidad--but he has dropped a decision to all of them. De La Hoya is 0-for-5 against those elite fighters.

He went 2-0 against Julio Cesar Chavez--but he won the first fight only because Chavez's corner was unable to close a wound suffered during training and the second one because he was three inches taller and eleven years younger than Chavez. He beat a great fighter, don't get me wrong, but let's not pretend as if Oscar pummeled Roy Jones for eight rounds until he quit.

I don't consider his victory over Ricardo Mayorga to be all that prestigious; Mayorga is the Ryan Howard of boxing, an overdecorated powerbeast who only shows up every once in a while to knock his opponent's head clean off of his shoulders. You should know that personality-wise, I'm a huge Mayorga fan--he makes fun of dead mothers and wives and children--I just don't think he's a great boxer.

He also beat one of Sal's favorites, Arturo Gatti, in five rounds in 2001; that fight preceded Gatti's borderline-fictitiously awesome trilogy of fights with Mickey Ward, so Thunder could not cry fatigue. There. There is one fight against an elite opponent which Oscar won soundly. With no title on the line. Is that a career?

So awesome it hurts

I don't know. Obviously, I'm in the anti-Oscar camp; I think he's been a stellar self-promoter (the numbers don't lie) but a total wimp when it comes to honest pugilism. Perhaps Oscar will craft a new legacy for himself promoting, considering Golden Boy Promotions has become one of the most powerful firms in the sport.

OH MY GOD

2009-04-14T22:30:00.002-04:00

DONALD BRASHEAR HAS A WEBSITE

BOOM

YES

READ IT OR BRASHEAR KILLS YOU

IT'S A TRAP!!!

2009-04-14T14:02:00.000-04:00

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T09:18:00.002-04:00

Happy Easter if you celebrate it like myself.

If not, enjoy your Sunday.

In memoriam

2009-04-10T13:08:00.002-04:00

Most of our readers have probably heard already, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim pitcher Nick Adenhart was killed in an automobile accident yesterday. Adenhart had just pitched an excellent game against the Oakland Athletics the night before and was looking to be a very important piece of the Angel's AL West title hopes. He was 22.

Sadly, life is very fragile and it is a true tragedy when someone so young passes. No doubt this will be a hard season for the Angels and indeed all of baseball.

We here at Sal's All-Stars send our deepest condolences to all of Adenhart's friends and family.

July 1st Cannot Come Soon Enough

2009-04-09T21:14:00.001-04:00

Alex Ovechkin Is Preposterously Awesome Part XXIV

2009-04-07T20:39:00.002-04:00

Excitment and poop

2009-04-07T19:05:00.002-04:00

I'm sure many of you have already seen the trailer for the upcoming Spike Jonze adaptation of Maurice Sendak's Where the Wild Things Are. Needless to say, both your authors are excited. Jonze is the perfect director for this beloved children's story. Below is the trailer, sporting the music of the Arcade Fire, a favorite band of mine.

Also, there is poop.

Greatness in music

2009-04-07T00:35:00.004-04:00

Just wanted to post a few clips of some truly masterful works of music from many genres.

You may not like these pieces or artists, but to deny that these works don't possess an impressive musicality is true folly.

Please Stand By

2009-04-02T22:53:00.002-04:00

Epic posts coming soon

Cissy Strut - The Meters

Apologies

2009-03-30T00:39:00.002-04:00

I've been busy and sick, so I haven't gotten a chance to put up the NL portion of my baseball preview. But I promise I'll get on it soon.

Until then, enjoy the only man to ever legitimately be a threat to Billiam, Razor Ramon:

A nominee for the best thing ever

2009-03-26T15:18:00.002-04:00

Ok, I know I've already posted a random clip for today and generally we don't do more than one a day. But this clip surpasses just about everything.

Seriously.

This is from Exterminator City which can be summarized by two things: topless women and killer robots. Don't believe me? Watch the NSFW trailer here. Otherwise just sit back and enjoy the best/worst scene in movie history.

That's why he's Roddy Piper...

2009-03-26T14:00:00.000-04:00

...and you're not.

Part 4 of Ben's Uber Baseball Preview 2009

2009-03-25T18:10:00.000-04:00

The AL West, baseball's smallest division, has been pretty much the same for the past couple of years. The Angels have won with an anemic offense and butt loads of pitching. The A's have been rebuilding. The Rangers can't pitch at all but can hit. And the Mariners trot out Ichiro and a bunch of homeless guys.

Will it be different this year? Maybe just a little. The Angels and Mariners should still be the same, but watch out for the rebuilt A's and the improving Rangers.

All AL West Team:
C- Mike Napoli, LAA
1B- Chris Davis, TEX
2B- Ian Kinsler, TEX
3B- Adrian Beltre, SEA
SS- Orlando Cabrera, OAK
OF- Ichiro Suzuki, SEA
OF- Josh Hamilton, TEX
OF- Vladimir Guerrero, LAA
DH- Jack Cust, OAK
SP- John Lackey, LAA
SP- Ervin Santana, LAA
SP- Felix Hernandez, SEA
SP- Justin Duchscherer, OAK
SP- Joe Saunders, LAA
CP- Brian Fuentes, LAA

Shall we look at some sausage? Nay! Team previews!

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim:
It's been the same old story for the Angels. Vlad the Great continues to lead an otherwise unimpressive offense. The defense is great. And the pitching is deep and talented. They win 95 to 100 games and feel really good about their chances. And they get knocked out by the Boston Red Sox. Will this happen this season? I wouldn't bet against it as the team is poised for another great regular season but, barring any major moves, won't make too much noise in the playoffs.

When catcher Mike Napoli is healthy, he's one of the best in baseball. He only played in only 78 games last season but still managed to hit 20 homeruns, 4th most in the majors. He also had a .586 SLG, a full 53 points higher than big league leader Brian McCann. In addition to being very skilled at the plate, Napoli is good behind it. His backup, Jeff Mathis, actually was long-considered a better prospect than Napoli and, although he's been surpassed, is certainly capable as a backup. At first, the unproven Kendry Morales will get his first extended shot at the majors at defecting from Cuba a few years ago. The switch-hitting Morales is very talented but clearly wasn't ready for the show when he was signed to a major league contract just before the 2006 season. He's displayed solid power and an adequate glove, but is too antsy at the plate. Perhaps the coaching staff and the stability of a full job will calm him down. Chone Figgins is listed as the starting 3rd baseman. Figgins can play almost anywhere on the field and routinely gets on base and can work a count. He doesn't have much power, but he has speed to burn, never having stolen fewer than 34 bases in a season in which he played at least 100 games. While Figgins has the talent and has forced himself into a full-time role, he might actually be better suited playing 4 or 5 times a week at whatever position needs some time off. If that does happen, or if Morales can't cut it, expect long-time uber prospect Brandon Wood to finally be given some playing time. It seems like Wood has been around forever (indeed, he's been Baseball America's top Angel's prospect since 2006) but he's still only 24 years old. Wood tore it up in the minors last year, as he always has. He seemed to reverse the trend of becoming less patient at the plate, robbing him of his tremendous power. Wood is a great athlete who came in the system as a shortstop but has the arm to play third. Up the middle is a young pair of homegrown talents. Both shortstop Erick Aybar and second baseman Howie Kendrick missed time due to injuries last year, but both should be healthy for Opening Day. Aybar is a slick fielder who can run a bit but needs to be more patient at the plate. Kendrick? A better hitting, worse fielding version of Aybar but not by much in either direction. The outfield is showing a little gray bush but should be the core of the Angels' offense. New acquisition Bobby Abreu could be a steal for the team. At his peak, Abreu was a 5 tool contributor. Now? Abreu is a 5 tool contributor but at a reduced rate. He had a 20-20 season for the 8th time in his career and continued to be a good right fielder. Moving to left now, he should be a plus left fielder. Torii Hunter's first season away from Minnesota was a success last year. His power numbers did drop a bit and his glove will continue to decline from its once incredibly level, but Hunter was often the only other threat in the Angels' lineup until the mid-season acquisition of Mark Teixeira and he was everything the Halos could have hoped for. Since signing with the Angels just before the 2004 season, Vladimir Guerrero has been more banged up than just about anybody. That being said, at no point has he not been the team's best player. Vladdy is still, despite being robbed of his once prodigious speed by back and knee issues, one of the most dangerous hitters in baseball. Guerrero has averaged 34.5 HRs a season since 1998 and routinely gets high on base numbers despite the propensity to swing at any pitch thrown in the general vicinity of the west coast. He still has a cannon for a right arm and plays sound, if limited in range, defense. It's a shame what injuries have done to Vlad, who has been one of my favorite players since his early days in Montreal. Much like Ken Griffey, Jr. the reader should dig up some older highlights of Vald to see just how awesome he used to be. Whenever an outfielder needs a rest, the Halos turn to the most expensive 4th outfielder in the world, Gary Matthews, Jr. Matthews parlayed one really good season with the Rangers into a big payday and hasn't really lived up to the hype. Still, he plays like a poor man's Hunter and he's good enough to start for many teams, so there are plenty of worse options. DH will likely be filled by the powerful but impatient Juan Rivera. Rivera plays like a much less talented Guerrero and, if he's healthy, could hit 20 or so HRs. The biggest strength for the Angels year in and year out is their depth on the pitching staff and on their bench. This year should be no different with a great second squad that will include Mathis, Wood, Matthews, Robb Quinlan, Macier Izturis, and the white-Chone Figgins (read: less athletic), Reggie Willits.

Once again, the largely home-grown depth of the Angels pitching staff is what carried the team last season. Big John Lackey continues to pitch like an ace. He gets great downward action on his pitches that causes a lot of groundballs for the Angels great defense and a lot of swings and misses. He did miss some time last year and did give up a lot of HRs (26 last year compared to 18 the previous season in 9 fewer starts). Still, this likely isn't an issue and one can expect Lackey to be right back in the swing of things in 2009. Ervin Santana is a pitcher who will miss some time at the start of the season. That being said, when he comes back he should continue his development into one of the better pitchers in the AL. Santana has filthy stuff and strikes out a lot of hitters. He finally seemed to harness his talent last year as his ERA dropped over 2 runs per 9 innings. This was in no small part thanks to his decrease in walks allowed, as he gave up 11 fewer than in 2007 despite pitching in 69 more innings. Joe Saunders pitched very well as the number 3 last year. Saunders isn't the hardest thrower, but he places his pitches well and mixes up his selection to be effective. He's improved every season of his career and his 1.21 WHIP indicates that he should continue to be very solid for the team. Jered Weaver should probably be the number 2 in the rotation based on talent alone, but he's never put it all together. Weaver's numbers have actually gotten worse the past three years as he's pitched more. At 6'7" and a lanky 205lbs, he can have trouble repeating his motion correctly and that leads to control issues and his pitches flattening out. Still, at worst he's one of the better 4th starters in the league who's capable of producing a gem every now and then. The last spot in the rotation will be filled by the duo of former reliever Dustin Moseley and youngster Nick Adenhart. Moseley doesn't have great stuff and is probably best suited for a relief role, but he's had a very good spring and has enough talent to merit a look. Adenhart is projected as the 5th starter to be, though at 22 years old, he may need some more seasoning. He didn't pitch well at all in his first taste of the bigs last year, but he is generally considered the Angels best prospect and has a devastating changeup that could take him far. The bullpen, like the rest of the Angels, should prove to be quite deep. Losing record-setting flame thrower Francisco Rodriguez will no doubt hurt the Angels, but signing Brian Fuentes should ease the transition. Fuentes managed to compile a sub-4.00 ERA in 7 seasons in Colorado, no small feat. Fuentes does walk a lot of hitters for a reliever, but he also strikes out a bunch. Fuentes doesn't give up many hits and does a good job of utilizing his defense. If Fuentes should falter for whatever reason, Scot Shields is and has been the best setup man in baseball for the past few years. Shields doesn't waste any pitches and has a great slider that has allowed him to compile a 2.93 career ERA and a 1.19 career WHIP. In front of Fuentes and Shields will be a bevy of talented pitchers including Darren Oliver, Justin Speier, and Jose Arredondo.

Oakland Athletics:
No matter how many times the A's have to rebuild, they seem to do so. It seems to have happened yet again as the A's look locked and loaded to once again challenge for western supremacy. With a deep squad full of talent, Billy Beane's squad should at least stick around for most of this season though they may be another year from truly being a threat.

Catcher Kurt Suzuki provides good defense and a solid stick for Oakland. He doesn't have a lot of power but he shows good patience at the plate, striking out only 69 times in 530 ABs. His backup will likely be the untested Landon Powell. Powell is a big guy who plays pretty good defense. The corner infield situation is a little unsettled but has some talent in play. The one sure thing will be that if he's healthy, a big if in recent seasons, Eric Chavez will be the starter at third base. Chavez has good power for the position as he's never hit fewer than 22 HRs in a season where he's had at least 400 ABs. His patience at the plate has waned in recent years, but again, he has been hurt. Chavez still doesn't lefties particularly well (his career batting average vs LHP is over 40 points lower and his career OPS is almost 180 points lower), but he's talented enough with the bat and still plays great defense at third that if he's healthy, the A's should have one of the finest 3rd basemen in the AL on their team. At first, it appears as though Jason Giambi will get the opportunity to play. Giambi returns to his old stomping grounds in Oakland after seven up and down years with the Yankees. The Giambino certainly isn't the player he once was but still has a lot of power in his bat (32 HRs and a .502 SLG in 2008). Giambi's best asset though has always been his patience at the plate, however he's become a more free swinger in recent years. Never, great with the glove, Giambi will likely spend a lot of time at DH too. If/when one of those two go down, expect to see Daric Barton and Nomar Garciaparra step in. Barton was projected as the first baseman of the future this time last year but disappointed in his first full season, hitting like a good-fielding shortstop instead of a powerful first base option. Still, Barton is young, athletic, and a far superior fielder than Giambi, so he'll get his opportunities to show his stuff. Garciaparra hasn't been healthy in years and his skills are starting to diminish. He doesn't have the great bat speed he once did and he has been robbed of much of his athleticism by various injuries. Still, he's versatile and a professional hitter who is still very tough to strike out (only once has he struck out more than 63 times in a season, his rookie year). New shortstop Orlando Cabrera joins the A's as one of the most steady performers in baseball. Cabrera doesn't walk a lot and doesn't have great power (though it's adequate for a shortstop), but he does everything else pretty well. This includes playing very good defense, a necessity for Oakland's young pitching staff. His double play partner will be Mark Ellis. Ellis is very similar to Cabrera in that he does a lot of things pretty well. He cut down on his strike outs last year and increased his number of walks, which indicates that he'll have another useful season. Ellis is capable of knocking a few balls out of the ballpark too, being just a year removed from hitting 19 HRs. The mystery of the team will be Bobby Crosby. Since being named AL Rookie of the Year in 2004, Crosby has been completely unable to stay healthy, until last season. However, any time on the DL seems to have hindered any possible growth as Crosby's OBP has been below .300 the past three years and he only hit 7 home runs, one fewer than in 2007 despite taking over 200 more at bats. Crosby clearly has some talent, but it's debatable as to whether or not he'll be able to ever realize it. There was some talk of a trade that would send him to the Yankees as a temporary replacement for ARod, but those talks appear to be dead. The outfield should be young and talented. Travis Buck was hurt much of last season, preventing him from building upon a very solid rookie campaign in 2007. Buck showed much less patience last season but did hit 7 homeruns in 38 games, matching his 2007 82-game total. Buck clearly has some pop and is a pretty good fielder, so one would expect that if he's healthy he should continue to develop into a very good outfielder. Youngster Ryan Sweeney should be manning centerfield. Acquired for Nick Swisher last offseason, Sweeney played very well in his rookie season. A very good athlete with developing power, Sweeney showed impressive abilities in the field and should only continue to improve. In left, Matt Holliday immediately becomes the A's best player after being acquired from Colorado this offseason. Holliday is a 5 tool star who may have been helped by the Coors effect slightly but not as much as some might expect. Holliday did miss some time last year and his HR total dropped, but his stolen base total jumped dramatically from 11 in 2007 to 28 last year. Holliday is a free agent-to-be next offseason and will likely command top dollar, something the A's can't afford, so if the team falls out of contention, expect Holliday to be traded for some big time prospects. The DH should be the powerful Jack Cust. Cust is the type of player Billy Beane dreams about. He can't play defense, he can't run the bases, and he strikes out a lot (197 last season). But Cust is a hitter. In 2007 and 2008, his only two full seasons, Cust has hit 26 and 33 HRs, walked 105 and 111 times, had an OBP of .408 and .375, and had a SLG of .504 and .476, respectively, all at an absurdly low price. A strength for the A's has always been their organizational depth and that should show again with a strong bench this coming season that will include players like Powell, Barton, Garciaparra, Crosby, Cliff Pennington, Eric Patterson, and Rajai Davis.

Oakland pitching is often known for having a plethora of talented young pitchers, and that should be no different this year as only Russ Springer and Justin Duchscherer figure to be significant pitchers over the age of 30. Duchscherer, despite having a ridiculous last name, made the transition from effective reliever to effective starter tremendously last year. He doesn't have great stuff but he possesses good control of all his pitches, walking only 34 batters last year, en route to a specatcular 0.995 WHIP in 22 starts. Duchscherer is expected to some time early in the season due to a minor arm injury, but he should be ready to roll a week or two in. Dana Eveland and Sean Gallagher are scheduled to be the 2 and 3 in the rotation. Both are young guns who pitched pretty well last season. Eveland was acquired in the Dan Haren deal last offseason and performed well in his first season as a starter on the big league level. His WHIP was pretty high at 1.48, but he managed a respectable 4.34 ERA by scattering hits across innings and utilizing his defense to his advantage. Gallagher was acquired from the Cubs mid-season for Rich Harden. Once one of the top prospects in the Cubs system, Gallagher has never really gotten the chance to prove himself until last season. He certainly had his growing pains, walking 36 in 56.2 innings, but he also showed flashes of success, striking out 54 in said 56.2 innings. If he can get his mechanics in order, Gallagher has good enough stuff that he should be an impressive pitcher for a while. It's unclear who the final two starters will be, but it should be from the group of Dallas Braden, Gio Gonzalez, and rookies James Simmons and Brett Anderson. Braden pitched well in 10 starts last season. He's a lefty who doesn't strike out many but does a good job of keeping the ball down in the zone. Gonzalez has good stuff but had some issues in his rookies season with control (25 walks in just 34 innings). Still, he did strike out 34 and projects quite well. Simmons isn't the most talented or projectable player in the A's system, but he has been extremely successful at every level and utilizes a very good changeup to get outs. Anderson is almost big-league ready. Anderson has incredible control of his pitches and has a nasty slider that, combined with his 6'4" frame, make him impossible to hit when he's on. Still just 21, he and fellow top prospect Trevor Cahill, also 21, will likely start the season in AAA. Keep an eye out for Michael Inoa. Inoa is only 17 years old, but is already 6'7" and 210lbs. Coming out of the Dominican Republic, he was given a $4.25 million signing bonus, the largest given to an international amateur free agent ever. He likely is a few years away, but is already being compared favorably to Felix Hernandez. The bullpen should once again be very deep. It isn't entirely clear who will be the closer, but expect some combination of Joey Devine and Brad Ziegler. Devine was absolutely untouchable last season in a setup role. In 45.2 innings, he complied an ERA of 0.59 (not a typo), a WHIP of 0.83 (also not a typo), and struck out 49. Ziegler came out of nowhere last season. A former independent league player, Ziegler set a American League record by starting his career with 39 consecutive scoreless innings, just 2 short of the Major League record of 41 set by Hall of Famer Grover Cleveland Alexander in 1911. Ziegler has a funky delivery that is usually sidearm but can go up to 3/4ths or down to submarine. He doesn't strike out many, but his ability to change arm slots makes it very tough to make solid contact on him. The rest of the bullpen will be filled by effective players such as veteran Russ Springer, Michael Wuertz, Santiago Casilla, and Josh Outman.

Texas Rangers:
As usual, the Rangers hit well but were lacking in the pitching department. Still, the team didn't make too many offseason moves thanks to a few years of good player development that has left the team busting at the seams with potential stars in the minors. While the Rangers likely won't contend this season, they are poised for a great run in near future.

The Rangers are deeper at catcher than probably any other team in baseball. At the big league level, the team traded solid starter Gerald Laird to the Tigers meaning that youngster Jarrod Saltalamacchia, a former Braves' top prospect is the man of the hour. In limited playing time last year, Saltalamacchia didn't hit particularly well, but showed good patience at the plate and a knack for getting on base (31 walks and a .352 OBP in 61 games). In addition, he has power in his 6'4" and 235 lbs frame, and his defensive abilities are good. The backup will likely be Taylor Teagarden. He's got power to spare at the position (6 HRs in 16 games last season), and probably has the highest ceiling of any player in the organization. At worst, he'll be able to alternate with Saltalamacchia between catcher, DH, and first base. Also look out for Max Ramirez. Like the other two, he projects quite well and is big league-ready now. Any of the three could perhaps be moved if the right deal presents itself. First base will be manned by Chris Davis, a revelation last season as a rookie. Davis, just 23, had 23 doubles and 17 homeruns in 80 games, and played a solid first base. Davis is a good athlete (he also played 32 games at third last season) and should be a fixture in the lineup for years. Michael Young moves from shortstop to third. Young's offensive output was great at short and should still be above average at third, but his value does drop a bit. Young always has pretty good power and solid on-base numbers and he played a pretty good shortstop, so if that translates well to third he should continue to be one of the more underrated players in baseball. Young's replacement at short will be the 20-year-old rookie Elvis Andrus. Andrus is a proto-typical slap-hitting speedster. He doesn't have much power, but that should develop as he gets older and his glove and speed and ability to get on base should more than make up for it. His one weakness, as with many young players, may be his impatience at the plate. At worst, he instantly becomes one of the best fielders in baseball. The cornerstone of the infield is Ian Kinsler. Kinsler, in three seasons, has averaged 17.33 HRs, 30 doubles, 20 SBs, a .360 OBP, and a .473 SLG all while playing good defense at second. He should only continue to move into the upper echelon of MLB regulars. Centerfielder Josh Hamilton proved that his 2007 wasn't a fluke and rather just the beginning of his talent. Hamilton has overcome severe depression and major drug issues to finally realize his immense potential, potential that made him the top pick of the 1999 draft. Hamilton hit 32 HRs to go along with a 35 doubles, a .371 OBP and a .530 SLG. He's not quite as fast as he used to be but still covers a lot of ground while playing a very good centerfield. The other outfielders rightfielder David Murphy and leftfielder Nelson Cruz aren't quite as impressive but certainly get the job done. Murphy finally got the chance to be a regular for the Rangers last season and didn't disappoint. He hit 15 home runs and 28 doubles in 108 games while providing good defense. Cruz is a big guy who has long been a top prospect. He did much better in a reduced role in 2008, showing vastly improved patience at the plate. He hit 7 homeruns in 31 games, so if he can maintain that patience he should develop into a very solid player. One player to watch is Andruw Jones. Jones was arguably the worst player in baseball last season for the Dodgers before being shut down and eventually released. Jones has never had much plate discipline and his swing was too long to do anything. Plus his once elite defensive abilities have deteriorated incredibly. Still, Jones is only a few years removed from routinely hitting 35+ homers and if somebody can fix his swing (a very tall order), he could once again become at least a passable player. The primary DH will probably be former third baseman Hank Blalock. Blalock is just getting back to healthy after three injury plagued years. He came back at the end of last season and played well. If he can stay healthy, Blalock brings pretty good power to the plate and can play a good third or first base. The Rangers bench isn't the most talented group but they are quite deep, including players such as Teagarden, Jones, Frank Catalanotto, Marlon Byrd, and Joaquin Arias.

The pitching staff was a sham last season, sporting the worst ERA in baseball, but there is a lot of hope on the horizon. Kevin Millwood is the nominal ace. He doesn't have good stuff and his 1.59 WHIP was sub-par to say the least. But Millwood does throw a lot of innings and you can expect pretty much the same from him game in and game out. Number 2 Vicente Padilla is very similar to Millwood. He pitched slightly better last season but anything better than that performance shouldn't be expected. The final three in the rotation should be the young trio of Scott Feldman, Matt Harrison, and Brandon McCarthy. Feldman doesn't have great stuff and doesn't strike many out, relying instead on his control. However, that isn't that great and he doesn't project as anything more than a 5th starter or swing man. Harrison pitched fairly last season in his first taste of the big leagues. He didn't strike out many but does have pretty good stuff and should improve this season. McCarthy missed a lot of time last year. When he was healthy he pitched well enough. McCarthy, once the top prospect in the White Sox's system, has quite good stuff but at 6'7" has difficulty repeating his throwing motion and thusly having any consistency on the mound. If he can work out his mechanics he could be a very solid 3rd starter. Other than McCarthy and maybe Harrison though, none of these pitchers will keep any of the Rangers' top youngsters out of a rotation slot. Whenever the group of righties Neftali Feliz and Michael Main and lefties Derek Holland and Martin Perez are ready, they will immediately be plugged in. Main and Perez project as middle of the rotation guys, while Holland could be an ace for some teams, and Feliz is one of the top pitching prospects in all of baseball. The bullpen has a lot of arms but not many effective ones. Closer Frank Francisco is one of the better ones, but he's probably miscast as a closer. Still, he struck out 83 in 63.1 innings. Lefty CJ Wilson, the former closer, pitched very poorly after a solid 2006 and a good 2007. He gave up a lot of hits and a lot of HRs and was often trying to pitch out of trouble. Other potential bullpen arms include former closers Eddie Guardado and Derrick Turnbow as well as Brendan Donnelly, Dustin Nippert, and Kason Gabbard. Alas.

Seattle Mariners:
The Mariners were absolutely horrendous last season despite a payroll of over $100 million. Upon further review, the team didn't have that many holes...except at nearly every position. It may take years to dig themselves out of this hole, but dig they will with a few solid core players.

Catcher Kenji Johjima had the worst season of his career sporting a lowly .277 OBP and a paltry .332 SLG. In addition he played average-at-best defense and at age 34 is unlikely to get any better. In addition, the team had Jeff Clement, a former top prospect, who at least would produce similar stats, and a guy the team had invested some money in ready to go. So naturally, the team resigned Johjima to a 3-year extension. Clement did play some last year and will likely be the backup and part-time DH and first baseman. He didn't hit much better but showed pretty good power for a catcher. Clement may occasionally spell starter Russell Branyan at first base. Branyan has power, as his career .485 SLG and 12 HRs in just 50 games last season will show. But looking at his career .328 and 797 strike outs in 766 career games will also show that it's hit or miss with Branyan, more often on the miss side. On the other side of the diamond, Adrian Beltre was probably the 2nd best hitter for the Mariners last season (not really saying much, but still). Beltre hit 25 HRs last year, the 7th time he's hit at least 20 and the third straight season over 25. He also slugged a respectable .457 and continues to play very good defense at third. Beltre however has never had good OBP numbers, with a career mark of just .327. In addition, ever since he was signed (illegally) at age 15, he's been accused of dogging it and never putting forth full effort (except during his contract year of 2004). Whether this is the case or not, Beltre is a solid player and not nearly the biggest of the Mariners problems despite his hefty contract. If Beltre wasn't the second best hitter last season, then it was 2nd bagger Jose Lopez. Lopez had 191 hits including 17 HRs, 41 doubles, and a .443 SLG. He has dramatically cut down on his strike outs from earlier in his career making him much more effective at the plate. Still, his OBP was low at .322 thanks to low walks. Lopez is prone to swing at just about anything, and while he usually makes contact, he is prone to hitting weak stuff. Shortstop Yuniesky Betancourt played reasonably well and continued to have a great name. Betancourt is a pretty stereotypical light-hit, great-field shortstop. He has some decent doubles power, but his ability to get on base with enough consistency is in question. He also has some speed, but isn't a great baserunner, kind of negating that asset. Ichiro Suzuki was once again Ichiro. He collected 213 hits to tie with Dustin Pedroia for the league lead (he's never had fewer than 208 in a Major League season and has finished either 1st or 2nd in the AL each year of his career), he stole 43 bases (he's never stolen fewer than 31), and he played stellar defense (he's won a Gold Glove every season in the Majors). There isn't much to cheer about in Seattle, but Ichiro continues to be one of the very best players in baseball. To expect anything less this season would be ridiculous. Former Dodgers' and Indians' top prospect Franklin Gutierrez is expected to play centerfield. Gutierrez was once seen as a 5 tool star in the making, but he's never lived up to those expectations. Still, Gutierrez has some speed, some power, and is an above-average fielder and is still young enough that he could improve. If that's going to happen, he'll need to to become much more patient at the plate and improve upon his career OBP of .308. Endy Chavez is scheduled to be the starting leftfielder. Chavez has some speed but isn't anything more than a 4th outfielder. He has little power and doesn't get on base with any regularity and, despite his speed, doesn't have great range in the outfield, often taking poor routes to fly balls. The starting DH is scheduled to be the great Ken Griffey Jr. A shell of his former self, Griffey has finally come home to Seattle, where his best days were during the 90s. At 39 years old, Griffey has definitely lost a step or 6, but he's still an effective player. He no longer has great bat speed but can still kill mistakes. He hit 18 HRs and 30 doubles last season with a .353 OBP and a .424 SLG, not great numbers but certainly capable in the Mariners' pathetic lineup. Griffey is no longer a starting-caliber centerfielder, but he can play some left or right field in a pinch. If this is Griffey's swan song, he deserves to be remembered how he is: one of the greatest and most complete players to ever grace us with his presence. The bench, like the team, is unimpressive with players like Clement, Chris Shelton, Ronny Cedeno, and Wladimir Balentien.

The pitching staff, like the rest of the team was bad. There is some talent, but not enough. Felix Hernandez was one of the few bright spots for the team. Hernandez will turn 23 early this season and continues to get better. Hernandez has great stuff but occasionally gets caught relying on stuff alone. He struck out 175 batters but also walked 80. Still, as he matures, he should continue to learn to pitch and become better and better. Erik Bedard was the prize of last offseason but made just 15 starts before being shut down with a shoulder injury. Bedard was arguably the best pitcher in baseball in 2007 when he struck out 221 in 182 innings for the Orioles. But even that season he missed time due to injury. If Bedard is healthy, he can be expected to be a very good number 2, even possibly an ace-quality pitcher, but he has only once stayed healthy an entire season and with just one year left on his contract and being unlikely to resign unless the Mariners are willing to shell out top dollar (a possibility) the 5-for-1 trade for Bedard may go down as one of the worst in history, especially if Adam Jones and Chris Tillman live up to even 3/4ths of their potential. Brandon Morrow was probably the team's best pitcher last year, making 5 starts and appearing as a reliever 40 times. The team wants him to become a full-time starter, but Morrow was significantly better as a reliever (5.79 ERA and 1.46 WHIP as a starter, 1.47 ERA and 0.90 WHIP as a reliever). Morrow doesn't have great stuff but mixes his pitches very well and uses deception to get outs. Thus, he's much better the first time through the lineup and more suited to be a reliever. The rest of the rotation will be filled from the group of four including Ryan Rowland-Smith, Carlos Silva, Jarrod Washburn, and Garrett Olson. Rowland-Smith, like Morrow, is a convertered reliever who made 12 starts last year and 35 relief appearances. Unlike Morrow, Rowland-Smith didn't have a large difference between his starts and relief appearances. Rowland-Smith is a tall lefty from Australia whose ceiling isn't particularly high, but he'll probably get a little better than he was last season. Silva and Washburn are both wildly over-paid innings eaters who don't have good stuff. They had WHIPs of 1.60 and 1.46, respectively, last season and probably won't be any better this season. Olson is a former Orioles prospect who pitched terribly in parts of two seasons the past two years. He does have some talent and was once projected as a solid 4th or 5th starter, but it remains to be seen if he can harness his junk-ballin' lefty stuff. The bullpen? Shudder-worthy. There doesn't seem to be a set closer, but the leading candidate (other than whomever loses out on a rotation spot) would be Mark Lowe. A tall righty, Lowe got in to trouble last year when he started walking guys, but was moderately effective at times. Another option could be Roy Corcoran, who posted a 3.22 ERA despite a pedestrian 1.39 WHIP. Other bullpen arms include David Aardsma, Tyler Walker, former Nationals' closer and arm injury waiting to happen Chad Cordero, and yet another over-paided swing man, Miguel Batista. Bad news bears.

Just so you all know...

2009-03-24T20:54:00.002-04:00

Mustache

2009-03-21T02:18:00.001-04:00

I'm not kidding when I say this, I have spent the past hour or so writhing in pain from laughter over this next clip:

Part 3 of Ben's Uber Baseball Preview 2009

2009-03-20T15:16:00.000-04:00

Taking a quick look at the 2009 AL Central makes one think, "Does anybody want to win this division?" There isn't really a dominant team out there and every team has major issues. Still, every team has some strengths and the division is completely wide open.

Should be fun.

All AL Central Team:
C- Joe Mauer, MIN
1B- Justin Morneau, MIN
2B- Placido Polanco, DET
3B- Mark DeRosa, CLE
SS- Alexi Ramirez, CWS
OF- Grady Sizemore, CLE
OF- Carlos Quiten, CWS
OF- Magglio Ordonez, DET
DH- Billy Butler, KC
SP- Francisco Liriano, DET
SP- Cliff Lee, CLE
SP- Gil Meche, KC
SP- Zack Greinke, KC
SP- Mark Buehrle, CWS
CP- Joakim Soria, KC

Team previews? I think so.

Detroit Tigers:
What happened to the Tigers? Just a few years ago they were the darlings of baseball with their worst to first, multi-year turnaround playing the World Series. Then last year, they stunk up everything. The culprit? The three headed monster of injuries, aging, and pitching. There were efforts made to remedy all three. A number of bounce back years will be necessary though to have a successful season.

The lineup wasn't the issue last year as it was sixth in the majors in runs scored. The team could be even more potent this year. The team acquired catcher Gerald Laird via trade from Texas. Laird is a slightly above average catcher. He plays a little defense and can hit a little, though not with much power. His backup, Matt Treanor, is a lesser version. There isn't much organizational depth, as the only prospect of note would be Dusty Ryan, who doesn't project much higher than Laird if at all. Brandon Inge could potentially catch in a pinch, but is better utilized at third. Inge had a miserable season last year but suffered from injuries as well as inconsistent playing time early in the year. He should bounce back, but not much. Inge has a very long swing, often swinging for the fences when he should be looking for solid contact. This causes a lot of strikeouts and a lot of weak contact for a guy who isn't that big and who has only once hit more than 16 HRs. On the other side of the diamond is the Tigers' best player, Miguel Cabrera. Cabrera is an absolute monster with the bat, having only once hit fewer than 33 HRs in a full season. His OBP and batting average took dips last year, but every other number stayed steady as he clubbed 36 doubles, 37 HRs, and had a .537 SLG. He's also getting more comfortable at first and should continue to be one of the league's best players for at least another decade. The middle infield includes the veteran tandem of Placido Polanco and Adam Everett. Polanco has, for a few years, been one of the steadiest performers in the league at second base. You can pretty much expect very solid defense, a .300 BA, a .350 OBP, and 10 or so home runs. Everett, signed away from the Twins this offseason, replaces the disaster that was Edgar Renteria from last year. Everett is the quintessential no-hit, all-glove field. He's one of the best fielders in baseball at the position, but to expect anything above the bare minimum with the stick is unreasonable. Still, Renteria wasn't great last year, he was old and slow with the glove, and the rest of the lineup is good enough to cover for Everett's shortcomings. The outfield should again be a team strength. In right, Magglio Ordonez continues to plug away as one of the more dangerous hitters in baseball while his hair only gets longer and greasier. He didn't repeat the MVP-caliber 2007 numbers he had in 2008, but he was still effective when he was healthy. If he can stay healthy, the Tigers can expect 25 or so HRs and a .500+ SLG. In centerfield, Curtis Granderson's production fell way off after a spectacular 2007. His 2008 was still very good, but almost every category was down. He should be close to his 2007 levels though, so expect good numbers in all 5 tools. Left field is inhabited by Carlos Guillen. Guillen can play left, right, first, third, and even some short and second, and he's probably best suited in a sort of super-sub role, giving whoever needs a rest a day off here and there. Numbers-wise, you can expect 12-15 HRs with a .375 OBP, 30 or so doubles and 10-12 steals. The man who probably should be starting in left is former Yankee prospect Marcus Thames. Thames has impressive power, hitting 25 home runs in just 316 ABs last season. He's never been a regular for any team, which is puzzling considering his career .498 SLG. Thames does strike out a lot (95 in the aforementioned 316 ABs) and has a pitiful career .302 OBP, but his power and decent fielding ability are tough to ignore, so at worst, he'll get a lot of playing time as a 4th outfielder and part-time DH. The full-time DH will be Gary Sheffield. Sheffield is nearing the end of his impressive career and his knees and bum elbow won't let him play full time anymore, but he's still a valuable hitter. Sheffield's once legendary bat speed (second only to Barry Bonds earlier this decade) has deteriorated and prevents him from hitting more good pitches, instead relying on mistakes for most of his production. If Sheffield is healthy, you can expect 20-25 HRs with a patient eye at the plate. The bench is versatile but not particularly talented with players like Treanor, Ramon Santiago, Thames, and Ryan Rayburn.

If the Tigers are to even pretend to contend, the pitching staff needs to resemble something closer to a major league crew than in recent years. The rotation will be anchored by Justin Verlander. Verlander has top grade stuff including a fastball that consistently sits in the high 90s even deep into the game. Verlander didn't seem to be right all season as his ERA increase over a full run per game. It can be attributed to his strikeouts decreasing by 20 and his walks increasing by 20. His pitches flattened out and he seemed tired most of the season. There is no reason to think he won't revert to his 2007 form where he won 18 games and threw a no-hitter. Even if he gets only a little closer to that 2007 form, it will be a huge asset to Detroit. The number two this year will be Armando Galarraga. Galarraga was the lone bright spot of the staff last year in his first full MLB season. He uses his big frame to get a very good downward action on his pitches, keeping the ball down in the zone. He sported a 1.18 WHIP last season and did a good job of not walking guys. He should continue to develop into one of the better starters in the AL. The rest of the rotation should include Jeremy Bonderman, Edwin Jackson, and Dontrelle Willis. Bonderman was hurt last season, starting only 12 games. He has good stuff, with 5 solid pitches. But Bonderman has never put it all together and realized the potential that made him a wildly sought-after high school phenom. Edwin Jackson, acquired from the Rays for Matt Joyce, is another former super-prospect who only just seems to be coming into his own. Jackson was at one point the biggest prospect in the Dodgers system but seemed unable to find any sort of consistency, stemming from poor mechanics. The Rays' staff seems to have fixed him at least some. He probably will never live up to his prior ceiling, but if he maintains what he did last year, the Tigers will have acquired a very good number three starter for essentially a backup outfielder. Willis, as I predicted last year, struggled in 2008. He eventually was shut down for the year with an injury, but looked terrible before that walking 35 in just 24 innings for an other-worldly bad WHIP of 2.5. Willis doesn't have great stuff, instead relying on his funky delivery and control. Problem is, his control has deteriorated. If he can regain it, he can be a solid 4th or 5th starter, but if he doesn't, he could soon be relegated to the bullpen or worse. The bullpen can only get better. Brandon Lyon appears to be the closer. He throws a lot of strikes, which keeps his walks low but also means a lot of his pitches are put into play. Lyon can also suffer is he is overexposed. Setting up for him will be a collection of pitchers including lefty Bobby Seay, veteran Nate Robertson, and hard throwers Fernando Rodney and Joel Zumaya. Zumaya is, as always it seems, the wild card. He wasn't fully healthy from a major arm injury suffered in 2007 until late 2008. He pitched well when he was able to though. Zumaya has a very impressive slider, but his main pitch is the high heat. In 2006, Zumaya's last healthy season, he threw almost 200 more 100 mph+ pitches than the next closest, Kyle Farnsworth. If he can regain that form and is healthy, Zumaya is damn near unhittable. A healthy Zumaya would be a huge asset to the team. One pitcher to keep an eye on is Rick Porcello. Barely 20 years old, Porcello was thought of as the best pitching prospect available in the 2007 draft, but fell to the Tigers due to his high signing bonus demands. The Tigers gave in, giving him nearly $4 million and so far he hasn't disappointed. If he continues to progress and anyone on the big club falters, don't be surprised to see Porcello tossing at Comerica.

Kansas City Royals:
How could the Royals possibly be in contention this year? Well when you lose for so long, you're bound to collect at least a few solid prospects. Unfortunately, that hasn't really been the case for the team. However, a weak division and enough solid play plus some shrewd vet signings and the Royals could potentially sneak into the conversation as a legitimate team.

The Royals are surprisingly deep at catcher. Miguel Olivo is the nominal starter. As evidenced by his strong showing at the World Baseball Classic, Olivo has good pop for a catcher, also evidenced by last year's .444 SLG. Olivo has a pretty good glove and can swing it a bit, but has always had a comically low OBP and thus doesn't warrant a full-time starter position. Luckily for the Royals, backup John Buck doesn't represent a huge dropoff. Buck hit 9 HRs last year, only half of what he had in 2007. But that seems to be more of the norm for Buck and the team can expect more of the same from him. Thirdbaseman Alex Gordon was supposed to be the second coming of George Brett, but so far has be wildly underwhelming. Still, he is a legitimate 4-tool prospect who can steal a few bases if need be and he showed marked improvement in his second season particularly in the patience department where his walks went up by 25 in 17 fewer games. He should continue to develop into a very good player. George Brett good? Probably not, but even an All-Star would be an improvement for the Royals. On the other side of the field at first, Mike Jacobs takes over after being acquired from Florida this offseason. Jacobs clearly possesses impressive power, hitting 32 HRs last season with an impressive .514 SLG. Unfortunately his .299 OBP is completely unacceptable for a first baseman. If Jacobs is going to be a solid regular, he has to start taking more pitches and working the count better. Perhaps getting out of Florida's notoriously aggressive program will help him. The middle infield is young and relatively untested but provides a lot of hope. Second base is manned by Albert Callaspo, a slick-fielder who, until last season couldn't hit. In limited duty, Callaspo hit .305 with a .361 OBP. The key seems to be he started putting more balls into play, as his strike outs stayed the same despite taking 69 more at bats in 2008 than 2009. By putting the ball in play on the ground, Callaspo is able to use his speed to put pressure on fielders, instead of either striking out or flying out, relatively easy plays. Shortstop Mike Aviles was a revelation in his rookie season, providing 27 doubles, 10 home runs, and 8 steals while having a .354 OBP and a .480 SLG in only 102 games, essentially 2/3rds of a season. Aviles ceiling probably isn't much higher than his performance last season, but just duplicating that would put him in the second tier of shortstops in terms of production in the bigs. The outfield is manned by the athletic trio of David DeJesus, Coco Crisp, and Jose Guillen. DeJesus has been the Royals' all-around player since joining the team in full-time in 2004. A poor man's 5-tool player, DeJesus can do a little bit of everything but doesn't do anything greatly. He was banged up last year but still had arguably his best season with the stick and should continue to contribute at a high level. Crisp was acquired from the Red Sox during the offseason. He's a very good fielder and can fly around the bases. He doesn't walk much, certainly not enough for a player of his speed, but otherwise is a quite solid player and the defensive upgrade he presents should be substantial. Guillen has been pretty much the same player his entire career; a low OBP guy with decent power and a pretty good glove. He has always had the talent to be a better player, but his lack of patience at the plate has robbed him of some offensive effectiveness and he's unlikely to get any better at this point. Still, he hits with enough power to warrant solid playing time as a decent regular option. DH should be filled by Billy Butler. Just 22 years old, Butler is a big guy who can't field worth a lick but has good power and doesn't strike out that much. His batting eye is improving as well and if he can stay healthy, he should be a solid player for the Royals for many years. Should any player falter, the first guy off the bench will be the versatile Mark Teahen. Teahen can play every outfield position as well as first and third and maybe some second but doesn't play any of them well and he strikes out too much for a player who doesn't have great power. Still, as a plug-in, you could do worse. The rest of the bench will be filled out with versatile guys like Shane Costa, Willie Bloomquist, Ryan Shealy, Ross Gload, and Tony Pena.

The pitching staff has slowly improved over the past few years for the Royals and has turned into a team strength. The ace of the rotation is Gil Meche. Many balked when Meche was given big-money despite a less-than-stellar track record in free agency a few years back, but since joining the Royals he's had the two best seasons of his career and has lived up to expectations. Meche has always had pretty good stuff and has a lot of pitches to work with. He has always given up his fair share of hits but has been successful the past few years by limiting his walks and keeping the ball in the ballpark. More of the same can be expected from him this year and if the Royals improve as I predict they will, people will be talking about Meche as one of the more consistent and quality starters in the AL. The number two is the very talented Zack Greinke. After a difficult battle with depression, Greinke has finally figured out how to pitch and has had two straight years of being an above to very above average pitcher. Greinke has 3 plus pitches including a great changeup. He, too, succeeds by keeping his walk totals low and scattering hits. Like Meche, he will gain a lot of acclaim if the Royals improve as I predict. Brian Bannister, the number 3, was up and down last year, occasionally having great starts where he was nearly untouchable and then having miserable starts where similar results could have been achieved by throwing me out there. He pitched significantly better at home than on the road (3.96 ERA vs. 8.43 ERA) which suggests that his issues are simply a mental block. Bannister doesn't walk many and generally keeps the ball around the strike zone but he clearly needs to work on having a short memory and not letting mistakes compound. Kyle Davies and Luke Hochevar fill out the rest of the rotation. Davies had the best season of his career last year. The former Braves prospect doesn't have great stuff and his career 1.65 WHIP is less than desirable, but he gets by through toughness and working each batter hard. Hochevar took his lumps as a rookie last year but also showed some flashes of future success. He doesn't strike out a lot of guys but his 6'5" frame gives him solid downward action on his pitches and suggests room for improvement. Should either Davies or Hochevar falter, former Brave Horacio Ramirez or, dare I say, Sidney Ponson will be waiting in the wings. The bullpen will likely be the true strength of the team. Their leader is closer Joakim Soria. Soria is the best pitcher that you've never heard of, compiling 42 saves for a team that only won 75 in 2008. In two seasons, he's struck out 141 in 136.1 innings and compiled a fantastic 0.90 WHIP. Soria should continue to be one of the 5 or so best closers in baseball (I'd rank him ahead of everyone except for Papelbon, Rivera, and Lidge). The rest of the bullpen will be filled with effective pitchers such as hard-throwing, offseason acquisitions Juan Cruz and Kyle Farnsworth, Ron Mahay, Robinson Tejada, and Doug Waechter.

Minnesota Twins:
Every year, people forget about the Twins and every year they're right in the hunt until the very end of the season. 2008 was no different as the Twins lost a heartbreaking 1-0 tie-breaker game to the White Sox that kept them out of the playoffs on the last day of the season. I would expect them to be in the hunt once again thanks to the combination of pitching, defense, and Justin Morneau that has become the team's trademark.

The Twins have one of the finest catchers in baseball in Joe Mauer. Despite being one of the biggest catchers in the league at 6'5" and 225lbs, Mauer doesn't have great power, but he makes contact better and more often than any catcher in baseball and can run the bases pretty well. He also has a very disciplined batting eye, walking 34 more times than he struck out last year, and he plays stellar defense. Veteran Mike Redmond is his backup. Redmond has always been a pretty solid hitter for a catcher and has some skills behind the dish. He probably could be starting for a few teams and give the Twins a great option when the want to rest Mauer's valuable legs. Third baseman Joe Crede was released by the White Sox to make room for Josh Fields despite Crede routinely out-performing Fields in every category. The Twins were only too happy to sign him. Crede has battled back injuries most of his career but when healthy plays great defense and shows good pop in his bat, averaging 23 HRs in seasons where he's accumulated 400+ ABs and swatting 17 last year in 97 games. At first is the Twins' best position player, former AL MVP and Canada's favorite son, Justin Morneau. Morneau is arguably the most dangerous hitter in Twins' history after the great Harmon Killebrew and a force every time he steps to the plate. His homerun total dipped a bit last year, but his doubles increased by 16, indicating that he just missed a few extra homers. In addition, his eye at the plate is constantly improving as his walk totals have increased every year of his career. Morneau also plays very good defense at first with a career .995 fielding percentage. Up the middle, the duo of Nick Punto at short and Alexi Casilla at 2nd provides consistent play. Punto is a very good fielder who has almost no power. Punto doesn't get on base very well, but is a solid option in a good lineup, making him more suited as a backup. Casilla developed some power last season hitting 7 homeruns in 385 ABs and he also got on base at a higher rate than before. If he continues to develop he should become on of the better secondbasemen in baseball. If either falter, expect Brendan Harris, a Punto clone, or prospect Tervor Plouffe, a thirdbaseman usually, to step in. Centerfielder Carlos Gomez was the centerpiece of last offseason's Johan Santana trade and performed about as expected. Gomez can fly and is one of the fastest players in the big leagues and has developing power as he grows into his 6'4" frame. That being said, he needs to get on base more often (.296 OBP last season). Rightfielder Michael Cuddyer missed a lot of time last season due to injury (only 71 games played in 2008). When he's healthy, Cuddyer does provide good power and solid defense. Only twice has he had an OBP of more than .350 (.362 in 2006 and .356 in 2007), so clearly that's an issue for him but there are certainly worse options. Left field will probably be manned by Denard Span. Span's rookie year was the best of any Twins outfielder in 2008. Span is a speedy slap hitter who does a good job of working the count. He should continue to develop though his ceiling isn't much higher than where he already is. Jason Kubel will be the DH. Kubel brings a powerful bat but has never been able to stay healthy or put it all together. He can play the outfield if need be but is clearly the worst fielder of all on the Twins roster. The big mystery of the Twins is Delmon Young, the centerpiece of the Matt Garza trade last outfield. On potential alone, Young should be one of the best players in baseball right now. But he has never shown the ability to utilize his vast potential. If he can get his head on straight (an incredibly tall order), Young could be come a monster. Will that happen? Probably not. The rest of the Twins bench is deep with players such as Brian Buscher, Matt Tolbert, and Jason Pridie.

As seems to always be the case with the Twins, pitching should once again be a team strength. Francisco Liriano will be the team's ace. Liriano has absolutely dominating stuff, perhaps even better than his former teammate Johan Santana's. He missed all of 2007 and a good portion of 2008 thanks to Tommy John surgery, but his rehab has gone well and he should be back to full strength come Opening Day, a scary thought for all who oppose him. Keep in mind, his last healthy season, 2006, he struck out 144 in 121 innings and had a WHIP of exactly 1.00. Expect similar things this season. The other candidate for ace-dom is Scott Baker. Baker has gotten better every full year in the league and that should only continue. Baker is a big guy at 6'4" and 220 lbs who generates good downward action on 4 solid pitches. The rest of the rotation will be filled by the trio of Kevin Slowey, Glen Perkins, and Nick Blackburn. Slowey is developing much like Baker and one can expect a similar ceiling. Perkins is a left-handed junk-baller who doesn't strike out many but also doesn't walk many in the mold of Jamie Moyer (though not to that extreme). Blackburn is a right-handed version of Perkins. If all 5 starters can stay healthy, you'd be hard pressed to find a more effective quintet, top to bottom, as Perkins had the worst ERA of the lot at 4.41. The bullpen will be deep and effective. Closer Joe Nathan has continued to quietly be one of the best in baseball since coming over with Liriano and Boof Bonser from San Francisco for AJ Pierzynski (what a terrible trade...honestly, one of the worst ever). Nathan struck out 74 in just 67.2 innings and had the lowest ERA of his career. In front of him will be the squad of Jesse Crain (who can start if need be), Matt Guerrier, Craig Breslow, and Luis Ayala.

Cleveland Indians:
The Indians went from World Series contender, to last-place losers, to dangerous .500 team in a matter of months last season. The traded off their best player in CC Sabathia, but found a new ace in Cy Young winner Cliff Lee. They relied on young hitters to develop, but they woke up and the hitters weren't that young any more and hadn't developed as planned. This season will be a watershed moment: can this team compete, or is it back to the proverbial drawing board?

The Indians have an embarrasment of riches at catcher. Victor Martinez is the starter for now. He brings a potent bat to the equation but was injured for much of last season and was never fully right. When he is healthy, you can expect 20-25 HRs with a .375+ OBP and a .475+ SLG. He doesn't play great defense, which, combined with the depth at catcher, suggests a full-time move to first base is imminent. His backup is the very talented Kelly Shoppach, the former Red Sox and Diamonbacks' prospect, who could be starting for a number of teams. Shoppach never had the opportunity to be a full-time starter until last season when Martinez was injured and he didn't disappoint. 21 homeruns, a .517 SLG and a .348 OBP are great numbers as a catcher and would play out to most positions on the diamond. In addition, Shoppach provides better defense than Martinez. If Martinez does become the full-time 1st baseman or if somebody gets moved for another part (such as pitching) look for top prospect Carlos "Black Magic Woman" Santana to step in. Santana is one of the top catching prospects in all of baseball and was acquired for Casey Blake from the Dodgers around last year's trading deadline. At first base, assuming Martinez isn't moved there, Ryan Garko provides standard power with a moderately patient eye and a good glove. He can also play in the outfield, so even if he's out of the starting loop, he's a very useful player to have. At third, Mark DeRosa, an offseason acquisition from the Cubs, had probably his best season in 2008. Generally a super-sub-type player most of his career DeRosa played at least one inning at every position last year except for pitcher and catcher. That versatility should prove to be invaluable and his bat, which is improving its power, should only be an asset. Up the middle, the duo of Jhonny Peralta and Asdrubal Cabrera is humorously named. They also are pretty good. Peralta, the better of the two, has good power for a shortstop (21+ homeruns 3 of the past 4 seasons) and plays solid defense but has kinda low on-base numbers and he strikes out a ton. While it's unlikely that he'll change that at this stage in his career, he is certainly an asset to the team. Cabrera is a speedy slap hitter who seemed to be over-exposed as a regular last season. It doesn't appear as though he should be a starter, but there is still room for improvement. In the outfield, Grady Sizemore is a legitimate 5 tool star. Sizemore does everything well and although his OBP and batting average dipped a little in 2008, he should continue to be one of the game's premiere centerfielders. The rest of the outfield is a little less of a sure thing but shows a lot of promise. Right fielder Shin-Soo Choo played in 94 games last season, more than doubling his previous career total, and responded very well. He clubbed 14 homeruns sporting a very high .549 SLG and a more than respectable .397 OBP. He's a hitter who's very willing to work the count and he plays plus defense in right. While it's possible this was just a fluke, the Indians are certainly hoping that he'll continue to progress. In left, Ben Francisco is another player who got his first real shot at regular playing time and performed above expectations. He did hit 15 homeruns in 121 games, but his OBP was a bit on the low side at .332. Still, at worst he should be a very good 3rd outfielder option. Should either Choo or Francisco stumble the team has solid depth in the form of David Dellucci. Dellucci is the consummate 4th outfielder; has a little pop, plays solid defense at any of the positions, and hustles his ass off. However, at any moment, any of these players or any of the first basemen could be replaced by top prospect Matt LaPorta, acquired from the Brewers as the key to the Sabathia trade last season. LaPorta can't field. But the guy can straight rake. He's dominated every professional stop he's been too and that should only continue when he finally gets his shot at the bigs. The Indians' bench is solid with players like Shoppach, Dellucci, Jamey Carroll, and Josh Barfield.

The pitching staff was a weakness for the team last year outside of Cliff Lee. If the Indians are looking to contend, the staff will have to step it up. The rotation will be anchored by Lee. Less than two years removed from being sent down to the minors, Lee was absolutely lights-out last season en route to winning the AL Cy Young award. Lee is a big lefty with a lot of different pitches who had always been about league average. Something clicked last season as he began to use his changeup more and stayed down in the zone more frequently and it showed as he posted his best numbers across the board. Is Lee really this good? Probably not, but if he sticks with these positive changes, he, at worst, would be a solid ace. The only other sure-thing for the rotation is righty Fausto Carmona. Carmona went from absolutely dominating in 2007, when he won 19 games and posted a 3.06 ERA, to pathetic in 2008 before being shut down with a hip injury. The Indians are hoping and assuming that his ineffectiveness can be attributed to the injury. In all likelihood, that is the case in addition to the added pressure of being that young stud for the team. If Carmona is healthy and has his head on straight, expect numbers similar to 2007. The rest of the rotation is a mystery. One strong candidate is Carl Pavano. Many forget that Pavano was once considered one of the best prospects in baseball (indeed, he was once the key piece in the trade that brought Pedro Martinez to Boston) and did once win 18 games in a season. But Pavano has almost never been healthy. When he has been healthy, he's been a pretty good pitcher, using his 6'5" and 240lbs frame to generate a lot of power and downward action on pitches. If he can be healthy for the Indians, he could be an offseason steal. But he probably won't. The other four top candidates for the rotation include Anthony Reyes, Aaron Laffey, David Huff, and Scott Lewis. Reyes is the most experienced of the four but also has the least amount of talent. Acquired mid-season from the Cardinals last year, Reyes was excellent in 6 starts, allowing only 7 runs in 34.1 innings. But his track record, does not bode well. Still, he may just have needed a change of scenery and at worst should be a solid swing man. Laffey was pretty good in 16 starts for the Tribe last season and fits the mold of a "crafty lefty" who has good control but doesn't strike out many. Lewis is another smaller lefty but he does strike out hitters more frequently. David Huff has the highest ceiling of the bunch. A big lefty, Huff has good power on his pitches and should make an immediate impact whenever he's given the ball. The bullpen was a disgrace last season but should be vastly improved this year. One such improvement can be found at closer where Kerry Wood was signed away from the Cubs to shut the door. Wood, a former starter with the Cubs, was a phenom if there ever was one, but Dusty Baker (secretly one of the worst managers in baseball) overworked his young arm (as well as Mark Prior's) and killed any hopes of sustained stardom. Still, Wood has battled back and found his niche in the bullpen. Wood has always had awesome stuff and he struck out 84 in just 66.1 innings last year. Assuming he can stay healthy, a big assumption, Wood should be one of the finer closers in baseball and would provide a huge boost for the Tribe. The rest of the bullpen will be filled with a few vets but mostly youngsters in a complete overhaul. One of the few veterans who'll get a shot is Rafael Betancourt. Betancourt was one of the better relievers in baseball from 2003-2007 and in 2007 was possibly the best non-closing reliever in baseball as he recorded 80 strike outs in 79.1 innings and having an other-worldly 0.76 WHIP, riding his very good cutter. But last season, he fell off a cliff as his ERA ballooned by more than 3.50, he allowed 50% more hits, and his walk and homeruns allowed totals almost tripled. If last season were an abberation, and statistically it would seem so, then Betancourt should be back among baseball's best relievers again. But if this a trend, then he could quite quickly be out of a job. Other key relievers this year should include former Japanese League star Masahide Kobayashi, and youngsters Jensen Lewis, Joe Smith, John Meloan, and fire-balling uber-prospect Adam Miller.

Chicago White Sox:
The White Sox had another successful season, winning the division in a one-game playoff versus the Twins giving GM Ken Williams his 3rd Central title in his 8 years at GM. While there was a lot to be praised about, the offseason hasn't been particularly promising and there seems to have been little in the way of improvement and there might even been some drop off this season. Still, with a very solid core, the team should at least hang around for a while.

Catcher AJ Pierzynski is a douchebag. Don't believe me? Ask, well, just about anybody. Pierzynski does have some good power for a catcher and is capable of hitting 15 homeruns with 25 or so doubles. But otherwise he doesn't bring much else to the table. His OBP is low and he doesn't play good defense. But he's a favorite of manager Ozzie Guillen because, like Guillen, he's a loud-mouthed asshole who "plays hard". The problem also is that the White Sox have absolutely no depth in the franchise at catcher. The only possibility seems to be big youngster Cole Armstrong, who does play very good defense but is a little bit of a liability with the stick. At third base, former-uber prospect Josh Fields finally gets a clean shot at starting. Fields, despite hitting 23 HRs as Joe Crede's injury replacement in 2007, was sent back down to the minors due to a near-impossible regression. Fields clearly has power but strikes out far too often (150 times in 125 career games at the big-league level) and his on-base totals are sub-par plus, unlike the very good Crede, he doesn't play good defense. Still, there was a reason he was a top prospect for so long and if he can get his act together he should be one of the better 3rd basemen in the AL. 1st baseman Paul Kornerko was abysmal for most of last season and only an incredibly strong August and September could save him from having arguably the worst season of any regular in baseball. While it's unlikely that he could have fallen off that much, Kornerko is clearly in decline as his homerun totals (historically his best asset) have dropped every year since 2004. For the sake of the White Sox, Kornerko needs to bounce back and play at least to his 1999-2002 days if the team is going to compete. Shortstop Alexei Ramirez was phenomenal last season. The 27-year old Cuban defector is a great athlete and provided in all 5 tool categories last season. If he's going to continue to develop into one of the better players in baseball, he will need to increase his OBP numbers, but even as is he is a solidly above average shortstop. His double play counterpart should be rookie Chris Getz. A disciplined slap-hitter, Getz should provide enough offense and some good defense in his first season. The outfield was a team strength and the core of the offense last year and that likely won't change. Left fielder Carlos Quentin was the steal of the offseason last year as he was acquired from the Diamondbacks for marginal prospect Chris Carter and turned into an MVP candidate before going down with a broken hand in early September. Quentin has great power (36 HRs, 26 doubles, .571 SLG in 2008) and a pretty good eye at the plate (66 walks vs. 80 strike outs and a .394 OBP in 2008). In addition, he is a plus left fielder who could be an average centerfielder if need be. Right fielder Jermaine Dye continues to be one of the quietest producers in baseball. Dye hit 34 HRs last season, the second highest total of his career and had a very impressive .541 SLG. Dye has always stuck out at high rates, but generally makes very strong contact thanks to his powerful lower body and very good bat speed. Center field is a little up in the air. As of now, Brian Anderson is the starter. Anderson is really suited better to be a 4th outfielder as he has some power and can field a little but doesn't get on base enough to warrant a full-time gig. His potential replacement is former super-prospect Jerry Owens, who can fly and has some power but, like Fields, has regressed mightily and can no longer be considered a prospect. If neither are the solution, look for defensive dynamo Jordan Danks to step in and be given a shot. At DH, Jim Thome plugs along as one of the finest power hitters of all time. The massive Thome is getting up there in years but can still mash, having only once hit fewer than 30 HRs in a season with more than 450 ABs (he hit 25 in 1995). Thome has always been extremely patient at the plate, but his OBP did dip a little last season and he doesn't hit breaking stuff like he once did. Still, you can expect another Jim Thome type season from him for at least a few more years. The bench has some solid players including Owens, Wilson Betemit, Jayson Nix, Brent Lillibridge, DeWayne Wise, and Ben Broussard.

The rotation should be strong at the top and questionable at the bottom for the 2009 season. Ace Mark Buehrle has consistently been one of the better pitchers in baseball. An incredibly fast worker who doesn't throw or waste many pitches, Buehrle has thrown over 200 innings every year since 2001 and only once has his ERA risen above 4.15 (4.99 in the abberation year of 2006). Buehrle doesn't really have great stuff, though it certainly is good, and he doesn't really strike out a ton of hitters. However, this seems to actually aid Buehrle as it keeps his pitch counts low and forces a bunch of weak ground balls to the waiting infielders. The number two and three slots will be occupied by the emerging John Danks and Gavin Floyd. The 24 year old Danks showed great improvement in his second big league season. He kept his walks down (only 3 more than in 2007 while pitching 46 more innings) and actually reduced his homeruns allowed total by 13 (again, in 46 more innings). Danks has good stuff and uses his arm slots well in deceiving hitters. Floyd, a former Phillies prospect, finally managed to straighten out his mechanics and put together his immense talent. At 6'5", Floyd is an imposing power pitcher who is prone to the big inning and giving up the long ball (30 allowed in 206.1 innings in 2008). Still, it appears as though he has learned to pitch and to keep his motion repeatable and that should make him a solid to very good starter in the AL for a long time. Jose Contreras is scheduled to be the number 4. Few pitchers have been more up and down than Contreras has in his career since defecting from Cuba. In six seasons, Contreras has been very good in two (2003 and 2005), abysmal in two (2004 and 2007) and slightly above average and slightly below average in the two others (2006 and 2008, respectively). If he's healthy, and he did miss some time last season, he should be an above average innings eater who can go the distance on any given start. Or he could be a Cy Young candidate. Or he could be the worst pitcher in baseball. The number 5 slot is currently in an competition between former University of Michigan quarterback Clatyon Richard and former Cy Young winner Bartolo Colon. Richard, currently a Mormon, was unimpressive in his big league debut last season but is clearly a superior athlete and does have good stuff. His powerful 6'5" 240lbs frame generates good power and downward action on pitches but his mechanics could use some cleaning up. Colon, currently a fatty, actually pitched pretty well in 7 starts for the Red Sox last season. But he didn't have the same zip on his pitches as earlier in his career and gave up a lot of homeruns, always a weakness for him. Still, Colon averaged 16.875 wins and over 200 inngings pitched per season from 1998-2005 and if he can get to about 75% of that, he could be one of the year's surprises. The bullpen should be deep this year, led by closer Bobby Jenks. Jenks can light up the radar gun with his fastball but his strikeouts have plummetted the past two years (80 in 69.2 innings in 2006, 56 in 65 innings in 2007, 38 in 61.2 innings in 2008). This is a troubling trend for a 6'3", 275lbs, power pitcher like Jenks. Still, he has been effective his entire career and his WHIP last season was an impressive 1.10. Setting him up will be the tandem of Octavio Dotel and Scott Linebrink. Dotel is a former closer who has battle arm injuries in the past. He strikes out hitters like it was his job (which it is) including 92 in just 67 innings last season. Linebrink is a little more finessed than Dotel but still is very effective. Both can close if called upon but neither has a great track record as Dotel has only a 69.7% save rate and Linebrink has a terribly horrendous 14.7% save rate in their careers. In front of them should be an effective group including former closer Mike MacDougal, lefty Matt Thornton, journeyman DJ Carrasco, and the 6'7", 260lbs Franklyn German.

Out of Context Clip of the Day

2009-03-16T19:41:00.003-04:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Just a suggestion...

2009-03-16T17:35:00.000-04:00

do the stanky leg...that's all I ask.

Part 2 of Ben's Uber Baseball Preview 2009

2009-03-16T02:30:00.000-04:00

The AL East is the best division in baseball.

You can attempt to debate this, but if you do, you are a moron. There is no questioning this simple fact. 3 of the 5 best teams in the Majors reside in the AL East. A fourth team is the a threat to win 90 games and should win at least 85, and would run away with 3 other divisions and would likely win a 4th. And the Orioles. Yeah...

If any team other than an AL East team is the AL Wildcard, I will be at a loss for words in utter shock.

All AL East Team:
C- Dioner Navarro, TB (keeping this spot warm for Wieters)
1B- Mark Teixeira , NYY
2B- Dustin Pedroia, BOS
3B- Alex Rodriguez, NYY (go ahead, I dare you to justify anybody as better)
SS- Derek Jeter, NYY
OF- BJ Upton, TB
OF- JD Drew, BOS
OF- Nick Markakis, BAL
DH- David Ortiz, BOS
SP- Josh Beckett, BOS
SP- CC Sabathia, NYY
SP- Scott Kazmir, TB
SP- Roy Halladay, TOR
SP- Jon Lester, BOS
CP- Jonathan Papelbon, BOS

On to the team previews!

Boston Red Sox:
The Red Sox have entered the same zone as the Yankees were in during the late 1990s: build from within, purchase a few superstar free agents, and make some really smart mid-level free agent pickups. This was another offseason doing just that, as the BoSox didn't spend or make any splashes like their Bronx-based rivals, but improved just as much and made some very intelligent pickups. Once again, the Red Sox are loaded and anything less than a deep playoff run should be considered a disappointment.

There are All-Stars and former All-Stars (and maybe a future All-Star or two) all around the Boston field. Their weakest position is catcher, where Jason Varitek is a shell of his former self. Varitek has lost nearly all of his bat speed and doesn't move as well behind the plate as he used to. To make matters worse, there doesn't seem to be a suitable replacement on the horizon, as backup Josh Bard is nothing more than that, and top catching prospect Mark Wagner is an asset defensively but doesn't hit that well. Still, Varitek should be servicable along with Bard and Wagner and their bats can be hidden in that awesome lineup. The corner spots should be set even with Mike Lowell's health in question. Lowell missed 49 games and played in only 2 postseason games thanks to a hip injury. If Lowell's healthy, he's a good defensive 3rd baseman with a very solid bat whose skills are in decline. If Lowell can't go or his skills have dimished too much, Kevin Youkilis can play third. Youk is an above-average 1st bagger and an average 3rd baseman, but his bat plays out anywhere on the diamond. A legitimate MVP threat, Youkilis hits for power and average and has one of the most patient and discerning batting eyes in baseball. If Lowell can't go and Youkilis is forced over to third, expect top prospect Lars Anderson to step in. Anderson is a ideal Billy Beane/Theo Epstein player: big, powerful, and patient. Only 21 years old, Anderson is probably ready for the bigs this year, but may start the year at AAA. The middle infield is anchored by last year's MVP, Dustin Pedroia. Pedroia is a 5-tool player. He does a little bit of everything well and there should be no drop off from last year at all. At shortstop, with Julio Lugo hurt and likely to have major surgery, the job is Jed Lowrie's. Lowrie was pretty good in his first half-season in the bigs and showed himself to be a great fielder with a developing offensive game. The outfield should once again be a strong point for the team. JD Drew missed 53 games due to injury, but when he was healthy he was very effective. Hitting 19 homeruns with a .408 OBP and a .519 SLG in 109 games, Drew is a four and a half tool player who doesn't run as well as he used to, but does everything well. Jason Bay played very well down the stretch after coming over in the Manny Ramirez deal, and should continue to do so. Bay has hit at least 30 HRs, with a .370+ OBP and a .520+ SLG every year with 500+ ABs in his career except for 2007 to go with above average defense. Jacoby Ellsbury didn't live up to the hype created by his 2007 postseason but was still quite good. Ellsbury could become a legitimate star in the bigs if his power game continues to develop, but otherwise, his ceiling looks to be that of a very good player and maybe even an All-Star who fields well and steals a butt-load of bases. David Ortiz is the DH. A terrifying hitter when he's on and healthy, Ortiz has been banged up recently and some wonder if his bat is starting to slow down. Even if that is the case, he's too good a hitter to be kept out of the lineup and should once again hit 35+ homeruns and drive in over 100. The bench is very good with players like Bard, Rocco Baldelli (an All-Star if it weren't for his medical condition), and Mark Kotsay.

The pitching staff may be more impressive than the lineup. The 1-2 punch of Josh Beckett and Jon Lester might be the best in the game. Beckett is an ace in every sense of the word. At 6'5", he gets excellent downward action on his pitches and works off his impressive heat to strike out a lot of hitters (172 in 174 innings last year). Lester blossomed into one of the game's top pitchers last year, even throwing a no-hitter. Lester doesn't strike out as many as Beckett, but he uses an arsenal of pitches to baffle hitters. Daisuke Matsuzaka is a lock in the third rotation spot. He had a fantastic season last year and would be the ace on many staffs. Dice-K has about a million and a half pitches and uses all of them to confuse hitters to no end. The back end of the rotation is a little unsettled, but in a good way. Clay Buchholz was long considered the better prospect than Lester and has excellent stuff, good enough to no-hit the Orioles in just his second career big-league start. If Buchholz has his head on straight, he should become, at absolute worst, a solid mid-of-the-rotation starter. Other candidates for the rotation include Ol' Rubber Arm Tim Wakefield, Brad Penny, Junichi Tazawa, John Smoltz, and Michael Bowden. Everybody knows exactly what to expect from Wakefield and his knuckleball. He can fill in anywhere he's needed. Tazawa and Bowden are young guns with high ceilings. Bowden has dominated every minor leage stop he's been and it shouldn't be long before he forces himself onto the roster as either a starter or reliever. Tazawa comes over from Japan but shouldn't be ready immediately despite having good stuff. Tazawa could be only a few months away or two years away, but whenever he does make the big club, he should be an impact pitcher. Penny and Smoltz are both coming off of injuries. Penny, just two years removed from starting the All-Star game has been bothered with shoulder problems but has had an excellent spring and at worst should provide some solid innings. Smoltz won't be ready until June because of his injuries, but when he is healthy, Smoltz is one of the gutsiest and prolific pitchers of the past 25 years. The kind of pitcher who can thrive in any situation, Smoltz should be a wonderful shot-in-the-arm for the team mid-season. The bullpen is loaded. Led by Jonathan Papelbon, the best closer in the game, pitchers like former closer Takashi Saito, Manny Delcarmen, Hideki Okajima, Javier Lopez, Justin Masterson, and young flamer-thrower Daniel Bard should prove to be a tough code to crack for any hitters to create some late-inning drama.

Tampa Bay Rays:
The Rays had one of the biggest turns around in history last season. But it was no fluke. Years of smartly drafting and building from within finally paid off and the Rays should only continue to be exceedingly competive, especially as their market and fan base continues to grow.

The Rays have young talent every where on the diamond. Much like the Red Sox, their biggest weakness is probably at catcher. Dioner Navarro, a former top prospect in the Yankee and Dodger systems, plays good defense and has a slightly above-average bat for a backstop. While still fairly young at 25, Navarro's ceiling probably isn't much higher than where he is now, but given the team's strength elsewhere, that isn't really a huge issue. Backup Shawn Riggans is solid, if unspectacular. The corner tandem is probably the second best in the bigs (after the Yankees') with Carlos Pena and Evan Longoria. Pena is a force in the power department at 1st base. You can pretty much be assured of 30+ homeruns from the former Rangers' uber-prospect. Evan Longoria was last year's Rookie of the Year and is a legitimate superstar-in-the-making. He does everything well; a great fielder, he possesses a patient and powerful bat and, while he's not the fastest guy out there, is a smart baserunner. The middle infield lacks power but does everything else well. Jason Bartlett was somewhat of an afterthought in the Garza-Young trade of last offseason, but he turned out to be an invaluable piece of the puzzle, providing slick fielding, good speed on the bases, and just enough with the stick, including 25 doubles. His time as the starter may be up soon though as top prospect Reid Brignac is just on the horizon and last year's top draft pick, Tim Beckham, is just behind Brignac. Akinori Iwamura is like Bartlett on steroids (hmmm...nah). He does a little bit of everything and should continue to be solid though he too is a candidate to be replaced by Brignac or Beckham in the future. Should either Bartlett or Iwamura falter and neither Brignac nor Beckham are ready, look for super-sub Willy Aybar, a similar player, or former Angel and Cardinal Adam Kennedy to step in. The outfield/DH situation should be even better this year than last. BJ Upton has blossomed since moving to centerfield. He has a cannon for an arm, runs down tons of balls in the outfield, and can do absolutely everything on the offensive side. As his plate discipline improves, he should become even more dangerous, a scary thought. Carl Crawford is the greatest Ray of all-time. He's been a little banged up the last few years, but he's still a good outfield who can run and has good bat speed. Expect a return to form this season. The third outfield spot will be filled by a combination of the Gabes (Gross and Kapler) and Matt Joyce. Gross and Kapler are solid players with pretty good athleticism and decent skills. Joyce, acquired in the offseason for Edwin Jackson, has the potential to be quite a pickup. Joyce hit 12 HRs in what amounts to essentially half a season as a backup in Detroit. That power potential is enough that the Rays may give him a starting job out of spring training, hoping that a full-time job will allow him to improve. The DH spot should be filled by, arguably, the best acquisition for money of the offseason, Pat Burrell. Burrell, a key part of the Phillies' World Series team that defeated the Rays last season, is a big dude who just hacks away. He strikes out a lot and can't play a lick of defense, but he draws a lot of walks (106 last season) and has great power (33 doubles, 33 homeruns, .507 SLG last year). He was never fully appreciate in Philadelphia, but they'll find out very soon how big an asset he was. The bench is deep and a big asset with players like Riggans, Aybar, Kennedy, Gross, Kapler, Morgan Ensberg, and Ben Zobrist, another super-sub type.

The pitching staff was the biggest key to the team's turnaround last season, and their continued development will help cement the Rays atop baseball. The rotation was healthy and consistent last year, and the top four all return and should be just as good. Scott Kazmir, who has seemingly been 25 for 87 years, is perhaps a bit undersized at just 6', but few have better stuff. Kazmir is one of the best strike out artists in the game (783 in 723 career innings) and he continues to make the Mets look stupid for trading him for Victor Zambrano. James Shields had a second straight season as an All-Star caliber pitcher. Shields gives up his fair share of hits, but walks almost nobody (only 40 in 215 innings last year) and does a great job of stranding runners. Matt Garza, acquired last offseason for Delmon Young, lived up to the hype he'd faced as a Twins prospect. He has great stuff and is a threat to go the distance any time he takes the hill, he should only continue to develop in Tampa Bay. Andy Sonnanstine is the least talented of the four, but he's probably the most consistent. Sonnanstine doesn't have overpowering stuff, but he doesn't walk many and works the edges of the plate very well. His ceiling isn't much higher than his current level, but he should be a solid long-term option for the Rays. The 5th starter should be the supremely talented David Price, last season's postseason darling. Price, the top draft pick of 2007, is a big lefty who can really hum it in there with 3 strong pitches. He should be absolutely dynamic in his rookie season. Another potential starter, and certainly one for the future, is top prospect Wade Davis. Davis, like Price, has three plus pitches and only a little ways off from making an impact. The bullpen is loaded with talented arms. Veteran Troy Percival leads the group. His stuff isn't nearly what it used to be, but he's a good leader and gets by with pinpoint control and guile. Other arms include Lance Cormier, JP Howell, Dan Wheeler, submariner Chad "The Chadford" Bradford, and flame thrower Grant Balfour. Two arms worth watching are veteran Jason Isringhausen and youngster Jacob McGee. Isringhausen has dealt with arm issues the past few years but is a highly accomplished former closer who could be a big asset if he's healthy. McGee has been a highly touted prospect since day one. Not quite the level of Price and Davis, he still has good stuff and should make a solid impact.

New York Yankees:
The Bronx Bombers failed to make the playoffs for the first time since 1995 last season. Obviously, this was unacceptable for the most storied and proud franchise in baseball. So what did they do? Spent. And spent. And spent. In theory, it should work. By signing CC Sabathia, AJ Burnett, and Mark Teixeira, the Yankees acquired the three best players available this offseason and spent over $400 million in the process. But with issues with age, pitching depth, and now Alex Rodriguez being injured, it may be tough for the team to keep up in the super-competitive AL East.

Once again, the Yankees should score a lot of runs. And once again, the weakest position is arguably catcher. Jorge Posada suffered a shoulder injury, played in only 51 games, and left the Yanks scrambling for a suitable replacement. Posada is old and clearly starting to break down. A borderline Hall-of-Famer, it is unlikely he'll be able to replicate what he was in his prime, but he could probably be a decent option for a contending team such as the Yankees. Backup Jose Molina is terrible. There is some good news looking forward though, as two of the better prospects in the Yankee system are catchers, Jesus Montero and Austin Romine. However, both are likely 2 or more years away. On paper, you'd be hard pressed to find a better corner tandem in history than Alex Rodriguez and Mark Teixeira. Teixeira, the biggest signing of the offseason, is a true switch hitter who has great power. In addition, he is a great fielder, one of the best in the league. While he may start slowly and draw the ire of the Yankee faithful, he should prove to be one of the smarter investments the team has ever made. ARod, despite all the talk of PEDs, despite the pussy-footing, despite Cousin Yuri, despite the "playoff woes", despite the lip gloss, despite allegedly having an affair with Skeletor's uglier cousin, is one of the greatest players to ever step on a baseball field. He is still a 5 tool player. ARod's worst season ever was his second season where he had a line of .300, 23 HRs, .350 OBP, .496 SLG, 40 doubles, and 29 SBs, plus Gold Glove-caliber defense at shortstop. You're right, he's a douchebag who should be kept out of the Hall of Fame. I have nothing more to say on this subject except that the Yankees are royally screwed now that he's had hip surgery and won't be available until May. Candidates for a "replacement" include Angel Berroa, Cody Ransom, and Shelley Duncan. Let's put it this way, if you combine the best performances of those three players into one, you might have a guy who could take a big ol' whiff of ARod's jockstrap. This is like trying to replace Marlon Brando in the Godfather with a three man rotation of Steven Seagal, Hayden Christensen, and Paul Walker. Up the middle, the Yankees should be solid. Derek Jeter continues to be Derek Jeter: overrated in some places, underrated in others. He's still one of the top shortstops in the game and would be an asset to any team. Where did you go, Robinson Cano? Cano took a huge step backwards last season after receiving a hefty extension. Every single number got worse for Cano. If he can bounce back, he's one of the better 2nd basemen in baseball; if he can't, he'll just be another overpayed Yankee. The outfield/DH situation is old and rapidly becoming less productive. Hideki Matsui was hurt most of last year and, combined with his age, he's lost a step and some bat speed. Still, he could be productive in a slightly reduced role. Johnny Damon is another aging veteran who can't really play defense anymore and but is still pretty effective with the stick. However, his speed, one of his biggest assets, is in the decline. Xavier Nady is probably the most sure-thing of the OF/DH guys. Acquired at mid-season from the Pirates, Nady is a solid fielder with good power and patient eye. Certainly not a star, Nady is the kind of lunchpail player the Yankees used to gobble up. Nick Swisher could either be a steal or continue to suck. Swisher did hit 24 homeruns last year for the White Sox, but that was about it. Swisher's star was once bright out in Oakland, but it looks as though Billy Beane once again bought low and sold high. If (when?) any of these players falter or get hurt, the top replacements are youngsters Melky Cabrera and Brett Gardner. Cabrera was miserable last year, even been sent back to the minors for a time. Is he as bad as he was last year? Is he as good as he was in 2006? Probably not, he's probably at his 2007 level: a solid 4th outfielder. Gardner didn't play particularly well during his brief stint last year but he does project pretty well and as a player who could be a third outfielder on a contender. One to watch for is Austin Jackson, the Yankees' top prospect. A 5-tool stud, he could be ready by mid-season, which would be a boon for the Yankees.

The pitching staff was pretty miserable last year. So what to do? Sign big name free agents. There was no bigger name (or belly) than CC Sabathia. A true ace, Sabathia is a big (BIG) lefty who has thrown more innings than anyone the past few years. He almost single-handedly got the Brewers into the playoffs last year with a string of clutch performances down the stretch. While his contract may have been a bit excessive, if any pitcher has earned it over the past few years, it has been Sabathia. The other big signing was AJ Burnett. Probably not worth the sizeable contract he received, Burnett has been very erratic over his career. His stuff is undeniable and when he's on and focused, he's almost untouchable. But that doesn't always happen. If the Yankees can keep him focused and healthy, he'll be a huge asset to the team. If not, he could be the second coming of his former Florida teammate, Carl Pavano. The rest of the rotation should be filled by some of last year's suspects. Chien-Ming Wang was injured for much of last year and it really hurt the Yankees. Wang has been consistently near the top of league pitchers since his arrival from Taiwan. He has great sinking action on his pitches that produce a lot of ground ball outs. Fireballer Joba Chamberlain was pretty darn good as a starter and again damn-near-unhittable as a reliever. Manager Joe Girardi wants to keep Chamberlain in the rotation this season and while he probably won't be quite as dominant, he should provide a bunch of quality innings and assloads of strikeouts. Andy Pettitte will probably be the number 5. Pettitte has had a long and illustrious career but his stuff is starting to flatten out and he's losing some velocity. Still, he should be an effective pitcher for another year or so and isn't a bad option at all for a 5th starter. If any injuries should occur, youngsters Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy will be ready to step in. Both failed miserably last season and were routinely shelled. But both have a lot of talent and should at least become league-average, with Hughes projecting quite well in most circles. The bullpen is deep albeit a little mysterious. Closer Mariano Rivera continues to dazzle and will once again be one of the best in the business. Other arms include Damaso Marte, acquired from the Pirates along with Nady, Brian Bruney, Edwar Ramirez, Phil Coke, and perhaps Kei Igawa

Toronto Blue Jays:
What to do for the Jays? They had a season last year that most would consider successful but they missed the playoffs. They spent heavily but didn't get quite the intended results. It will continue to be difficult to succeed in the AL East, but the Blue Jays seem to have the lineup that could be a contender if enough piece fall into place.

Rod Barajas does the catching for the Jays. Barajas has some skills including some decent pop in his bat, but otherwise he's a pretty average catcher. His immediate backup should be veteran Michael Barrett, a fiery competitor who can start in a pinch. Both appear to be keeping the seat warm for top prospect JP Arencibia. Arencibia, a Tennessee product, has good power and is pretty good with the glove but he's probably still a year of season or two away from making an impact. At the corners, the tandem of Lyle Overbay and Scott Rolen is a solid veteran duo. Overbay had another Overbay-type season last year, providing 15-20 homeruns, a .275-.300 average, and solid defense. Expect more of the same. Rolen was hurt again last season, missing almost 50 games. Injuries have derailed what was once thought of as a Hall-of-Fame career path. Still, Rolen is a pretty good fielder and is still very capable at the plate, so if he's healthy, he should be an asset. Aaron Hill played in only 55 games last year after having played in no fewer than 155 the previous two. Predictably, his numbers were down across the board, but if he returns to his 2007 form, he should be one of the better 2nd basemen in baseball, providing good power and a solid glove. The Blue Jays quickly realized that David Eckstein sucks and sent him packing last year (I told you so!). So now they rely on the tandem of Marco Scutaro and John McDonald. Neither is particularly impressive but both can contribute. Scutaro has a decent bat while McDonald provides very good defense. The outfield and DH spots should once again be a strong point for the Jays. Alex Rios started off very slowly but caught fire toward the end of the season to reassure the Blue Jays of his immense talent. Rios is a very good fielder with an excellent arm who hits for good average and pretty good power. He's also very capable of stealing some bases (32 last year). But Rios is robbed by his lack of patience at the plate, walking only 44 times last season and garnering a paltry .337 OBP. His neighbor in center is Vernon Wells, who bounced back after a dismal 2007, surpassing all his numbers despite playing in 41 fewer games. If Wells is healthy, he's one of the better all-around outfielders in the AL. The new addition will be super-prospect Travis Snider. Snider isn't much with a glove and doesn't run all that well but the boy can mash. Only 20 years old when he debuted last season, Snider projects to be a mainstay of the Jays outfield for many years to come. Because of Snider's emergence, Adam Lind gets moved to DH. Lind is a solid hitter who spent time hurt last year. Should he be healthy, expect 20 or so homeruns and the ability to fill in for any outfielder. The bench, a strength for the team last year, should be solid again with players like Barrett, Jose Bautista, Joe Inglett, and Kevin Millar.

The rotation last year was decimated by injuries, but good organizational depth provide a bright future. Still, it will be tough to replace AJ Burnett and his 18 wins. Roy Halladay continues to toil away up north. Halladay has been one of the most consistently excellent pitchers in the majors since 2001 and he won 20 games for the second time in his career last season. At 6'6", Halladay gets a great downward plane on his pitches, but he doesn't strike out as many as one would expect, relying rather on groundballs to generate outs. He should be penciled in for yet another terrific season. Behind him are lots of question marks but a fair amount of talent. Top starters Shaun Marcum, Dustin McGowan, and Casey Janssen all went down with injuries last year. Marcum and McGowan are both expected to miss significant time this year as well. If Janssen is healthy, he's a junk-balling lefty who happens to be right-handed and quite effective. Jesse Litsch and David Purcey stepped up to fill the void last season. Litsch is a youngster who doesn't strike out many but has pretty good control and good breaking stuff to get hitters out. Purcey showed flashes last season and if he can properly utilize his big frame, he could be a solid starter. The rest of the rotation will be filled with a collection of journeymen and prospects, with youngster Brad Mills and former Cub Matt Clement having the inside track. Keep an eye out for former Maryland star Brett Cecil, a big, hard-throwing lefty with a great slider. The bullpen looks to be pretty deep. BJ Ryan made a very successful return from Tommy John surgery to reclaim his spot as one of the better closers in baseball. In addition to any players who miss out on the rotation, you can expect to see a medly of effective pitchers like Scott Downs, Brian Tallet, Jesse Carlson (who can also start if need be), Jason Frasor, and Brandon League.

Baltimore Orioles:
Well the Orioles are going to be bad again. But there is geniune hope. General Manager Andy McPhail has been quietly assembling a solid collection of young talent through the draft and trades. The team has little-to-no hope of competing this year, but if development goes according to plan, contention in 2011 and 2012 won't be that farfetched. That being said, it's the Orioles and, just to spite me, they'll mess it up somehow.

The Orioles look to be thin at catcher. Greg Zaun is fine as a backup but is stretched as a starter and will turn 38 this season. Behind him, backups like Guillermo Quiroz and Robby Hammock don't provide much beyond third catcher talent. There also seems to be nothing on the horizon. Nothing whatsoever. A complete wasteland for talent...oh wait...there is this one prospect...MATT FANCYSAUCE WIETERS! Seriously, I know I have a huge man crush on the dude and he has yet to play a game above AA, but have you seen him play? If you haven't, I'll help you out and do a quick survey of anybody who has ever seen him play. In a word: greatness. Still don't believe me, Clay Davenport of Baseball Prospectus used his EqA stat (which is an adjust value per out statistic, similar scale to batting average, but league-average changes per position, the average catcher, is somewhere just south of .270) on Wieters and all catchers in a projection for 2009. Brian McCann of Atlanta got a .299, a very excellent number, especially for a catcher. That was good for second in the league. Wieters was projected to have a .319 EqA. I'll let my love for Wieters subside for now, but just know that when he gets called up in late May or early June (so as to add an extra year of contractual control), the boy is going to tear things up. At the corners, the Orioles are old but steady. At first, Aubrey Huff had his best season in years and arguably the best season of his career, swatting 32 HRs with a .360 OBP and a .552 SLG. While that same production is unlikely this year, 25 HRs with a .350 OBP and a .490 SLG is perfectly reasonable and quite solid. Over at third, Melvin Mora has lost some bat speed and doesn't field as well as he once did, but he's still very useful and a good stopgap while some prospects, such as Billy Rowell, develop. Mora can realistically be expected to hit about 15-18 HRs with a .340-.350 OBP. Huff and Mora are currently just holding spots until top hitting prospects Brandon Snyder and Billy Rowell develop. Both are professional hitters who should be ready either next year or the year afterwards. At second base, Brian Roberts has been a mainstay in Baltimore and one of the better cornerstones in baseball since 2003, his first full season. Roberts is lightning fast and a great fielder who possess great doubles power (an astounding 51 doubles last year). His new double play partner is Cesar Izturis. After a revolving door/bottomless pit at short last year, Izturis should provide some stability. Izturis is a whiz with the glove but, predictibly, isn't much with the bat. Still, despite his abysmal .299 career OBP, he's a career .260 hitter capable of stealing 20+ bases and there's no way he could be worse than the shortstops of last year (or could he?). The outfield looks to be a team strength again this year. Nick Markakis has established himself as one of the best all-around players in the bigs. He is an excellent fielder with one of the best arms in baseball. He also has legitimate 20+ HRs power that will only develop and should routinely hit .300 with a .400 OBP and around a .500 SLG. In center, Adam Jones, the centerpiece of the Erik Bedard trade, had his growing pains but also showed flashes of his 5-tool potential. He looks to be a real keeper and should be a mainstay for years as he develops. Left should belong to Felix Pie, an offseason acquisition from the Cubs. Once Chicago's top prospect, Pie was buried by notorious rookie-hater Lou Pinella. Now in Baltimore, he should get the chance to play every day and have the opportunity to realize his immense potential. He should also give the Orioles by far the best defensive outfield in baseball. The DH should be Luke Scott, who also can play outfield and 1st in a pinch. Scott was a great pickup last year when he was acquired along with prospects for Miguel Tejada, hitting 23 HRs and slugging .472 while playing good defense. Scott has probably reached his ceiling as a player, but a lot worse could be done and he should be a good stop gap while Nolan Reimold, who projects as a rich man's Scott, develops. The bench should be very deep with players like Ty Wigginton, super-sub Ryan Freel, Lou Montanez, Chris Gomez, and Scott Moore providing great part-time abilities.

The pitching staff has long been Baltimore's bane and that likely won't change for now. There's a bevy of talented arms in the system, but not many are big-league ready. Pretty much the only sure thing in the rotation is Jeremy Guthrie, the Orioles' best pitcher the past two years. Guthrie is probably best suited to be a 4th or 5th starter, but is the de facto ace because of his consistency. Behind Guthrie, who knows? Rich Hill figures heavily into the equation. A former Cubs prospect, Hill started his career strongly, but has faltered recently. Hill has kind of soft stuff and relies on his control, which, if off, can betray him. Japanese import Koji Uehara is a potential starter. He was far superior as a reliever in Japan, however, and probably will end up there for Baltimore at some point. Other candidates include veteran Adam Eaton as purely an innings eater, the horrendous Dannys Baez who is returning from major surgery, the super-tall Mark Hendrickson, and prospects Hayden Penn, David Pauley, and super-awesome-nice-guy Radhames Liz. None have particularly high ceilings, but Liz has good stuff and could be a middle-of-the-rotation guy or a very good reliever. Again, these guys are all stop-gaps for the big four in the minors: Chris Tillman (acquired with Jones and George Sherrill for Bedard), Brian Matusz (last year's top draft pick), Jake Arrieta, and Brandon Erbe. All four project to be big league starters, with Tillman and Matusz projecting as aces, Arrieta projecting as a number 2 and Erbe as a back of the rotation guy. All four are at least a year away but do give hope to the Orioles faithful (aka me). The bullpen should be deep. George Sherrill was solid as the closer last year. He doesn't have great stuff, but works hitters well, not really giving them anything to hit. Sherrill's predecessor, Chris Ray, is back from Tommy John surgery. If he can return to form, he'll be a lights out late-inning pitcher. The rest of the bullpen will be filled by those who miss out on rotation spots amongst others such as veteran Jamie Walker and youngsters Jim Hoey, Jim Johnson, Troy Patton, Matt Albers, Dennis Sarfate, and Chorye Spoone.

Part 1 of Ben's Uber Baseball Preview 2009

2009-03-14T23:14:00.003-04:00

It's that time again folks. Time for me to prove that I have no life.

Baseball!

Once again it should be a great season as the most perfect sport continues to weather any and every storm and issue that arises.

With the words of Darth Earl Jones in our hearts and minds, I give you my brief overview and predictions for the upcoming 2009 Major League Baseball season.

Standings:
AL East-
1. Boston Red Sox
2. Tampa Bay Rays
3. New York Yankees
4. Toronto Blue Jays
Ben's Despair. Baltimore Orioles

AL Central-
1. Detroit Tigers
2. Kansas City Royals (WHAT?!?!?!?!?!)
3. Minnesota Twins
4. Cleveland Indians
5. Chicago White Sox

AL West-
1. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim von Porkenstench del Rocca Turlingtonshire
2. Oakland Athletics
3. Texas Rangers
4. Seattle Mariners

NL East-
1. Philadelphia Phillies
2. New York Mets
3. Atlanta Braves
4. Florida Marlins
80. Washington Nationals

NL Central-
1. Chicago Cubs
2. Milwaukee Brewers
3. St. Louis Fightin' Pujolses
4. Cincinnati Reds
5. Houston Astros
6. Pittsburgh Pirates

NL West-
1. Los Angeles Dodgers
2. Arizona Diamondbacks
3. San Francisco Giants
4. Colorado Rockies
5. San Diego Padres

Playoffs:
ALDS-
Boston over Detroit
Tampa Bay over Los Angeles

NLDS-
Philadelphia over Los Angeles
Chicago over New York

ALCS-
Boston over Tampa Bay

NLDS-
Chicago over Philadelphia

World Series-
Boston over Chicago

AL MVP- Evan Longoria, 3B, Tampa Bay Rays
NL MVP- Albert Pujols, 1B, St. Louis Cardinals
AL Cy Young- Josh Beckett, RHP, Boston Red Sox
NL Cy Young- Johan Santana, LHP, New York Mets
AL Rookie of the Year- Matt Wieters, C, Baltimore Orioles
NL Rookie of the Year- Cameron Maybin, CF, Florida Marlins
AL Manager of the Year- Trey Hillman, Kansas City Royals
NL Manager of the Year- Joe Torre, Los Angeles Dodgers

Some extra thoughts:

My beloved Orioles will show a lot of improvement, and are still destined to be dead last in the AL East
The Royals will compete until the end of the season because 1) they've quietly improved themselves and 2) the AL Central is a terrible division...like really terrible, every team in the AL East would win the division except the Orioles, who would probably place second
The Boston Red Sox didn't make as much noise as the Yankees, but got a lot better over the offseason
The A's are very close to challenging the Angels, don't be surprised if they win the division, especially with Ervin Santana out
All my Phillies related predictions are contingent upon Chase Utley being healthy. If he's out, so are the Phils.
The Braves are also really close to competing...keep an eye on them.
If Wieters doesn't win ROY, it will be because he simply didn't qualify due to plate appearances. The other option is Elvis Andrus, SS, Texas.

Baseball!

2009-03-13T17:12:00.000-04:00

Brought to you by Kenny Powers of Eastbound and Down

Verdict?

2009-03-11T17:24:00.008-04:00

Sam Raimi directed Spider-Man. Which, you know, whatever. But long before that, he directed The Evil Dead--which remains to this day one of the finest horror films ever shot. (100%!)

Now he's at the helm for the well-titled Drag Me to Hell, starring Professional Good Actress Alison Lohman and Inexplicably Likeable Justin Long.

I don't get it!

As I'm sure you're all aware, genuine American horror cinema has been in the toilet for approximately 257 years. The Descent, 28 Days Later, Let the Right One In, [REC] -- for my money the best horror films of the decade -- are all foreign.

This bothers me, but not as an American; our film industry is beyond unsinkable. Instead, it irks me as a genuine fan of film. I personally am more than willing to go out of my way for a quality horror film. But the average American is not. The average American, if he or she is in the mood for a horror film, will simply go to the nearest theater and watch whatever is playing. More often than not, this happens to be House of Wax or Cabin Fever or The Hills Have Eyes 4: Back 2 da Hillz.

This is what drives me crazy. These poor people have been force-fed schlock hackery for their entire lives, or, if they're old people, they probably never saw The Exorcist or Rosemary's Baby anyway. The vast majority of Americans have never experienced exceptional horror filmmaking.

I wouldn't feel so strongly if American comedy or drama or action cinema were so weak, because, in my opinion, horror is by far the hardest genre to get right. Just look at this year's Oscars--everyone agrees The Reader was a pile or garbage, but it still landed the most prestigious acting award in the business for its leading lady. Slumdog Millionaire, a film that deserves heaps of praise simply for the logistical nightmare that must have been its production, won Best Picture despite a plot that relied exclusively on the audience's continuous suspension of disbelief.

Professional wrestling provides a good parallel. In wrestling, there are "faces" and "heels." Faces are the old-fashioned Gary Cooper good guys. They support the troops, they respect women, they play by the rules. Heels, on the other hand, are Snidely Whiplashes on steroids (literally). They're rude, they disrespect the crowd, and they cheat. Who gets the tribute DVD's? Who sells the action figures and the T-shirts? Who gets to hear the roar of approval from the crowd? Most importantly, who gets to win every night? Only the faces. The heels get booed and spit on, with popcorn and jeers flying at them from every direction on a nightly basis. I'd like to remind everyone that wrestling is fake; none of the "heels" are in fact villainous men. They're simply professional actor/athletes who have been assigned to play a role, and accept the repercussions that come as part of playing said role. In the case of the heel, he gets no glory, he gets no title belt, and he doesn't even get the satisfaction of a win. The heel is the most underrated man in wrestling. It's why I root for heels and heels only. Because they deserve it. They're working ten times harder than their opponent. The horror movie is the heel of the film industry. The studios say it's not accessible, it's not for kids or families, we can't afford to throw our support behind it or the revenue stream will run dry. So they end up greenlighting one of two kinds of horror movie: the PG-13 snoozefest with cheap jumps for the kiddies or the Eli Roth torture porn with nary a consideration for plot or character development for the bloodthirsty 17-to-34 year old white guys who, for whatever reason, love watching people get mutilated.

I'm not saying it's easy to make a drama film, but I am saying it's a lot easier to convince people that it's good and worthy of their money. In 81 years, only one "horror" film has won Best Picture (The Silence of the Lambs), and it was more psychological thriller than anything else. Horror is, for whatever reason, considered a niche genre of film.

I'm not asking Raimi to reinvent the horror film. I'm not asking him to resurrect American horror. I'm not even asking him to recapture the terror he brought in The Evil Dead, because I know that would be impossible. All I'm asking for is a step in the right direction.

Promising? Or same old hat? YOU DECIDE.

For what it's worth, a review is already up at BloodyDisgusting.com who declares the movie to be fantastic. That's all well and good, but B-D hands out positive reviews like it's going out of style. Not as egregiously as Ain't It Cool News, but still. This is the same website that gave the new Friday the 13th four out of five skulls.

Personally, I don't think the trailer inspires much confidence; it looks formulaic at best and atrociously boring at worst. Most notably, the budget looks too high. Raimi's magnum opus made its impact through extreme claustrophobia, novel lighting and framing techniques, and perhaps the best use of silence ever. You will never be more afraid of a movie than when you're watching Evil Dead and the sound cuts out intentionally just as Ash reaches for the mirror. Still, I will attempt to withhold judgement until the MPAA delivers a rating: if it's R, I'm in. If it's PG-13, it's The Grudge 3.

BEE TEE DUBS: Every single person in the world needs to see [REC], from Barcelona. It is the coolest thing in the world and it's not hard to track down. As a bonus, the Spanish in the movie is really easy to understand. If you're like me, and all of your Spanish professors have been from Spain, you should watch this with a bunch of friends so you can tell them what's going on and feel smart.

The Funk has been brought

2009-03-07T11:55:00.001-05:00

Blackstreet's No Diggity

Yessir

What's funnier than drunk athletes?

2009-03-05T19:44:00.004-05:00

Nothing.

Here's a link to a hefty amount of pictures of drunk athletes.

My two favorites?

Maryland basketball coach and veritable legend of sweating and high blood pressure Gary Williams:

And the biggest douchebag in the NFL, Steelers kicker Jeff Reed:

Huzzah!

Better Than Zardoz?!

2009-03-04T20:52:00.004-05:00

Okay so my favorite movie of all time is 1995's Heat, starring Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino and directed by Jesus aka Michael Mann.

On July 1st I might just have a new one.

According to the MPAA's website, Public Enemies will be rated R "for gangster violence." THE BEST KIND!

Actual sports commentary coming soon...

2009-02-26T00:22:00.004-05:00

But for now, enjoy this tid-bit garnered from the American League Mount Rushmores article on ESPN.com:

Billy Beane is a genius and my hero. Don't believe me? Since 2000, only two franchises have had more wins than the Oakland Athletics. Those teams? The New York Yankees and the Boston Redsox. Let's breakdown the money spent on payroll during that time for these three winning franchises. Yankees- $1.47 billion. Red Sox- $1.05 billion. A's- $460.6 MILLION. The Yankees spent almost that much this offseason alone on 3 players. Billy Beane makes it happen.

Btw, don't be surprised if the A's challenge for the AL West this year...I'll go in depth into this in the coming weeks during my uber-preview for the up-coming baseball season.

Uhhhhhhhhhhh OK

2009-02-25T22:02:00.000-05:00

null - Watch more free videos

Swamped

2009-02-15T20:53:00.003-05:00

Hey guys.

One week until Spring Break for me, and unsurprisingly, I can't spare a minute.

But I can spare a minute for this.

A long-awaited return with commentary

2009-02-12T11:15:00.004-05:00

Time for me to make a few comments about each of the 4 major sports (although this is up for debate, I'm going to say that Basketball, Hockey, Football, and Baseball are these sports).

This is turning out to be a truly fantastic season for the NHL. Sadly, hockey doesn't have the same following as the other big three do, but seasons such as this one can only enhance the reputation of the sport. A list of teams that could challenge for the Stanley Cup? Sure! My hometown team, the Washington Capitals, must be considered dangerous. They have one of the best records in the league and have the best player in Brontosaurus Ovechkin. They're young, deep, and hungry. Let us also remember that they've been fully endorsed by BARRY MELROSE. The only thing stopping them is Jose Theodore, who has played fantastically so far, but doesn't inspire huge amounts of confidence. In addition, Brent Johnson going down hurts and leaves the team without an experienced backup. Still, it's tough to beat Ovie and the boys. Boston doesn't particularly scare me, but as long as Tim Thomas keeps playing like he has, this team can beat anyone at any time. The New York Rangers have buttloads of talent, but can't stay consistent. However, if they get hot come playoff time, there is no team in the East that can hang with them. The last Eastern team that could contend is the New Jersey Devils, who have played much of this season at a very high level without Martin Brodeur, arguably the best goalie of all time. We he gets healthy, watch out. Out west, it comes down to three teams. The Chicago Blackhawks are a similar team to the Caps and stand a similar chance, methinks. The San Jose Sharks have been one of the best teams in the league all year and should continue to be able to beat anybody on any given night. But the best team, in my mind, is, and always will be, the Detroit Red Wings. Quite literally the only good thing in Detroit right now, the Wings are loaded with tons of experienced talent, including 47 year old Chris Chelios. They are the most accomplished franchise in hockey in the past 20 years and I don't think that will change. There's a reason that Detroit is called Hockey Town, USA.

The NBA has had a truly bizarre season as we approach the All-Star break. There have been a lot of ups and downs. There has been complete dominance on one side (Cavs, Celts, Lakers) and complete futility on the other (Clippers, Wizards, Kings). There has been an emergence to greatness by some teams (Magic) and a return to the pack by others (Pistons). But when it comes down to it, there are 5 teams who can be seriously counted on to compete for the NBA Championship. First, the two half-teams involved. The Hornets are very frustrating, because they looked to be quite good last year, and added valuable James Posey to the rotation this year. But they haven't gotten any better, and perhaps even a bit worse. Still, CP3, David West, and Tyson Chandler is a pretty good threesome and they're the kind of team that could sneak up on you come playoff time. The other half-team is the Magic. I would have considered them real contenders until Jameer Nelson's injury. Easily the team's second best and most valuable player, Nelson made that team go as much as Beastman Howard does. Without Nelson, I don't see the Magic making it past the 2nd round of the playoffs. Some of you may wish for me to include the Nuggets and the Trail Blazers. Well the Nuggets make a living beating up on crappy teams and recently got blown out by 44 by the Nets and almost lost to the Spurs at home when 4 of the spurs top 6 players, including the entire Big 3, did not play. As for the Trail Blazers, they actually are a very intriguing team but for some reason they don't jump out at me as completely legitimate contenders. But who knows? Maybe I'm stupid. So the real contenders? Celtics, Cavs, Lakers, and Spurs. The Celtics and Lakers are the easiest to see why. They were the last two standing last year and haven't lost a step. The Celtics need to worry about their bench and the Lakers need to worry about being complacent. Otherwise, there is no reason that those two won't meet up again in the finals. The Cavaliers have finally stopped being the Fighting LeBrons and become a legitimate team, led by biggest All-Star snub Mo Williams. The team has a good flow and knows what it can and can't do well and pretty much everybody plays at least some modicum of defense. Oh, and LeBron is better than Kobe. There is no way you could convince me otherwise. Kobe's a great player...a really great player. But LeBron is simply better. Once again, the Spurs are going to challenge for the title. As long as Gregg Popovich and Tim Duncan, one of the best coaches and one of the best players ever, are together, the Spurs will be serious contenders. The Spurs can do anything and it is and odd year, so really it should only be a matter of time before they lock up yet another NBA Championship.

NFL? Good Super Bowl, already looking forward to the Draft. Brett Favre? I don't care. If Gene Wojciechowski likes Brett Favre, I hate Brett Favre. Sorry, Brett. Biggest potential free agent pickup?Ray Lewis? Kurt Warner? Don't kid yourself. The three best players are the defensive trio of DT Albert Haynesworth, CB Nnamdi Asomugha, and DE Julius Peppers. Haynesworth is an absolute beast and the man that makes that great Tennessee defense go. When he cares, he is absolutely unstoppable one-on-one and often unstoppable two-on-one. Asomugha has a hard-to-pronounce name and has played in relative obscurity in Oakland, but he's the best cover corner in the NFL. He has reached the same level Champ Bailey was a few years ago where teams won't even throw to his side of the field anymore. Peppers is a freak. Anyone who saw him return an interception almost 100 yards a few years ago can attest to that. At 6'7" and 287 lbs, Peppers moves like a man half his size. Motivation is and always has been his problem though. When he's on, you're simply better off just taking a knee because he will bust up your play.

Baseball. What to say about baseball? To be honest, I don't know what to think about ARod and steroids and such. As anyone who knows me, or has read some of my stuff on this site can tell you, this is a rare occurrence. To be sure, I wasn't surprised at ARod's admission. I never really thought of him as a potential roids user but it didn't shock me. I thought ARod seemed very sincere in his apology and his interview with Peter Gammons (which I suggest watching if you haven't already). ARod made a great point about how it was a different culture even 8 years ago. Many of the supplements guys were taking in the late 90s and early 2000s weren't illegal back then but are now. The general public is far too quick to judge these players. Look at your own high school athletes. Drinking a protein shake before working out is taking a performance enhancer. To be sure, it's not the same as shooting HGH in your ass, but most serious athletes take some sort of performance enhancer (I never did, could that be why I was a terrible athlete?). What we can take from this however is this: Years of a murky steroids policy has led to a generation of roided up players. It would be impossible to penalize guys retroactively because we can never know the full scope of things and we can never fully say that somebody is 100% guilty as nobody could ever really say what was illegal. To punish ARod now would be like punishing Gaylord Perry for using a spitball back in the day. All baseball can do is move forward; you have a very solid policy in place now, punish players who violate it. What cannot happen is people retroactively punishing guys like ARod, Mark McGwire, Roger Clemens, and Barry Bonds in the public arena (although that clearly has already happened). Unfortunately, all we can judge these players by is their accomplishments on the field. If they were aided by something external, that's a shame perhaps, but it's not something that we can necessarily punish them for.

In other baseball news, ESPN has a great piece called Battle of the Budgets that I suggest you guys check out. It's a pretty neat little competition that endorses my theories that it's not always about how much money you can spend, but rather how you spend it. Also, Adam Dunn signed with the Nationals. This instantly makes the Nationals better...but not by much. Dunn is a very useful hitter, but he's the kind of player that need protection in the lineup, something the Nationals are simply incapably of giving him. Still, he gives the team a star of sorts and he certainly won't hurt the team (although at this point, I wouldn't really hurt the team). Finally, it looks like the Mariners are on the fast track to sign Ken Griffey Jr. From a purely baseball standpoint, this is not a smart move. Griffey can't get around on fastballs anymore and he's an average at best outfielder. Still, Griffey Jr. is the best player of the 90s, a first-ballot Hall of Famer, and one of the best people to ever play the game. It'll be nice to see the man where he belongs and probably never should have left for at least one more season.

Draw

2009-02-10T23:18:00.002-05:00

The Ultimate Throwdown

2009-02-04T01:09:00.002-05:00

We all know Matt Millen sucked as GM. Well it seems like the good city of Detroit has finally gotten some measure of retribution on this abomination of a general manager.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

It will never make up for all of Millen's transgressions, but it's a start.

On a happier note, that was really quite a good Superbowl. Some are saying the best ever, but I'll only go so far as to say that was one of the best endings ever. I think that the '99 Rams-Titans Superbowl was actually still better. But whatever, it was a good way to end a pretty up-and-down season in the NFL.

My favorite commercial?

Easy choice.

Also: I've been in the middle of rush and starting a new semester and been a little sick over the past few weeks so I haven't been writing, but that will be remedied soon (much to the dismay of everyone). Expect something about baseball or basketball very soon.

On Facebook Friends and Creepiness

2009-02-03T23:48:00.003-05:00

Over at MGoBlog, MichFan1997's recent Facebook conversation with Ricardo Miller has rekindled the shouldn't-be-but-is awkward topic of how much access to high school athletes is necessary, appropriate, and/or healthy.

For the record, I am a 21-year-old junior at the University of Michigan; I am Facebook friends with many members of the football team, including William Campbell and Tate Forcier, who only recently arrived on campus. However, I have never made any attempt to communicate with them except Andre Criswell, who often asks his "friends" to guess his current weight. I have never posted on anyone's wall or added an optional "personal message" when I friend request them. I simply hit the friend request button and wait for a confirmation.

But isn't that counterintuitive? Am I not requesting this man's friendship because I want to be his friend? Because I want him to acknowledge me?

At the present apex of online activity and access, I would actually contend that such is not the case. I don't particularly care what Bryant Nowicki is up to or what kind of music Dann O'Neill likes. Adding a football player as a Facebook friend is simply the current generation's trading card. There is nothing in the friend request transaction that belies sincerity; the athlete in question never has to look at my name again and most likely never will. He simply hits "accept" and I get the satisfaction of listing Johnny Sears, Jr. as one of my "friends." That's where it ends. Or at least should end.

But unfortunately, it doesn't end there, because high schoolers with no obligations or commitments to a university also have Facebook accounts, and it is in these situations that the creepiness escalates.

In the comments section of the Ricardo Miller diary entry, chitownblue said:

"Every time I hear about an (adult?) fan having facebook and myspace conversations with 17-year-old kids, I get completely and utterly skeeved out, and worried for these kids. Not because you're a rapist (you're probably not), but because these kids naively let hundreds of people gain access to their lives, and the second they decommit, or drop a pass, or get arrested with weed, or anything, they have hundreds of strangers whom they've 'disappointed' with access to give them a piece of their mind."

This is a legitimate concern; I looked through the "previous posts" on William Campbell's wall and found these comments, dated December 29th, 2008--the height of his decommitment.

"Wow, bro...All I gotta say is what ever happened to loyalty?? UR not a true Michigan man, get the hell out and stay out!!!!"
-Brandon Coot Kusz of Kalamazoo Valley Community College (a true Michigan man if there ever was one)

Obviously that kind of message is despicable and Mr. Coot Kusz is an irredeemable pile of shit, but, as rude as that post was, I found the resultant comments way "creepier."

"Dude, Brandon. STFU, Big Will hasn't even made his mind up yet. Dude, Coot get a life."

"Dude So What. He shouldn't be bitched at for changing his mind."

"hey brandon get a fucking life you fucking loser"

"it unreal that u guys make these comment on here. its reall uncalled for i mean im crushed too that he prolly wont be donning the maize and blue, which by the way u would look really good in big will, but i mean hes still just a kid. tone it down with all the criticizum. Hey Big Will if u change ur mind Michigans here. Youd start right away ya no" (spelling unchanged)

Keep in mind that all of these comments were posted on William Campbell's wall, not Mr. Coot Kusz's. Campbell's "defenders" didn't want Campbell to feel better, and they didn't really care if Mr. Coot Kusz regretted his asshole comment. They believed that Kusz's comment cost Michigan ten Recruit Points and they wanted the glory of restoring them. "Gosh," Campbell said in their minds, "that Kusz guy is a total dick who makes me want to eschew Michigan for LSU, but thanks to Jordan and Dylan's reaffirming pep talks, my faith in the Wolverines is restored to an amount identical to the moment immediately preceding Kusz's comment."

These are the creepers. Anyone who friends a high school football or basketball player is doing so with the warped and fictional assumption that he can actually recruit the kid simply with the power of the internet. These are the same people who start groups like "Bring Jelani Jenkins to Michigan" and actually accrue enormous memberships.

Facebook friendships with enrolled college football players is not inherently creepy because there is no recruiting fantasy involved. They're already there; there's nothing to sell.

The 81st Academy Awards: Don't Bother

2009-01-24T12:30:00.000-05:00

I'm furious.

2008 was unquestionably one of the finest years in filmmaking in my lifetime. Not only were the releases exquisitely framed, produced, edited, and presented, but for the first time in many years, the theme of 2008's films could best be described as "craftsmanship through entertainment."

In recent years, the darlings of the awards circuit have been dreary, laborious exercises in execution, favoring cinematic precision over the entertainment of its audience. Perhaps no film better embodied this trend than 2007's Atonement, a film that was universally lauded by critics yet reviled in equal consension by any average person who paid to see it. It was beautifully shot, yes. It was crisply acted, yes. But it was boring. Cripplingly, inescapably, mind-blowingly boring. And it was nominated for Best Picture.

Fortunately, it didn't win, and a good film did: No Country for Old Men. There was new hope for entertaining films to receive the adulation that the standard American filmgoer knew they deserved. (As an aside, I'd like to briefly offer the opinion that as great as No Country was and is, Paul Thomas Anderson's There Will Be Blood will ultimately be remembered as one of the greatest American films of the 21st century despite losing the Best Picture to the Coen Brothers.)

Fast forward to 2008. January has us off to an undeniably awful start, with releases like One Missed Call, Uwe Boll's In the Name of the King, 27 Dresses, and Meet the Spartans. But the first four months of the year are always marked by trash; studios know that Academy voters have short memories. But, bit by bit, the good stuff begins to show itself. At the end of January, 4 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 Days. February, In Bruges. And May 2nd brings Iron Man.

I enjoyed Iron Man. I don't think it deserves any Oscar consideration for its acting or directing, but it was a nice surprise to see a film that was both highly enjoyable on a most aesthetic level and well-crafted at the same time. This sentiment would return a few months later, albeit to a violently higher degree.

I am, of course, talking about The Dark Knight. Directed by 37-year-old badass Christopher Nolan, who first Rocked Your World at age 29 with Memento, The Dark Knight is arguably one of the finest examples in the history of the medium of a masterful balance between art and entertainment.

I blanched briefly in August when IMDB's reliable voters had sent The Dark Knight shooting up to a 9.4, good for first place all-time, otherwise known as Best Film Ever. It currently sits at no. 5, which is still rather high for my tastes; however, it is one spot below The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, which is all that really matters to me. After all, Sergio Leone's masterpiece is the original Dark Knight, an impossible combination of craftsmanship and entertainment. A number of active directors have called The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly the "best-directed film" ever made, and it's hard to argue. If you thought The Dark Knight was better than Pulp Fiction, I'll buy that. If you thought it was better than Star Wars, I won't bat an eye (not everyone likes Star Wars...). Hell, if you told me that you thought The Dark Knight was a better film than Casablanca, I won't even try to argue with you. Because they're all different films with different intentions and different methods of execution. The audience isn't meant to feel the same emotions and sensibilities during Schindler's List that they do during The Empire Strikes Back. But one would be hard-pressed to compare The Dark Knight and The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly and objectively declare Nolan's work of art to be superior.

It was with utter repulsion, then, that I read the list of nominations for the upcoming 81st Academy Awards--the pinnacle of recognition in filmmaking. This is no SAG or DGA or WGA Award; this is the Oscar. Films that are nominated for Academy Awards are held to impeccably high standards--and so should the governing body that nominates them.

Like I said, 2008 was one of the finest years in filmmaking in my entire life. But you would never know it if you watch this year's Oscars.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is by all accounts (and I do mean virtually all accounts) a pedestrian and forgettable yarn that is almost shot-for-shot the same film as Forrest Gump (one review site even went so far as to call it "Forrest Gump with no AIDS"). This same jalopy of a movie is nominated for 13 Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actress, and Best Adapted Screenplay. It is presently rocking a 72% on Rotten Tomatoes, 24 points lower than WALL·E, 22 points lower than The Dark Knight, and 26(!) points lower than The Wrestler, all of which were snubbed for a Best Picture nomination. What the French, toast?

While we're mentioning Best Picture and Best Director, why don't we take a look at the nominees.

Best Picture

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire
Frost/Nixon
Milk

Best Director (same order, same films)

David Fincher
Stephen Daldry
Danny Boyle
Ron Howard
Gus Van Sant

OK. Let's start with the two with which I have no problem whatsoever. Danny Boyle, director of Slumdog Millionaire, is also responsible for the most underrated film of the 21st century, 28 Days Later. Taking his previous body of work into account, and more importantly, the fact that he made a reputable film starring nothing but unknown 20-year-old Bollywood extras, is a testament to his directorial talent. Ron Howard, likewise, has proven himself to be a professional filmmaker. Frost/Nixon was written and originally performed as a stage production. Translating such dialogue and spacing to a screen is an immense challenge, and Howard was clearly up for it. Again, no beef. I'd like to say Gus Van Sant is totally undeserving, but I know nothing about Milk other than that it was highly acclaimed. So he stays just on principle. But David Fincher, as wonderful as he is as a director, should not be on this list. Benjamin Button is a stale, boring hike through hock scenes and bad Louisiana accents and Blanchetting all over the place. Objectively: this movie is not very good. That should have freed up one spot for two very deserving men: Darren Aronofsky, who directed The Wrestler, and Christopher Nolan, who directed The Dark Knight. While much deserved credit for The Wrestler's quality is given to Mickey Rourke, it's obvious that The Wrestler would not have been the same under the direction of Paul Verhoeven or Michael Bay or Whoever Keeps Directing Ice Cube Movies. One of those two men, if not both, deserved a nod.

As for Best Picture, the same quarrels apply. Slumdog Millionaire is, by all accounts, a spectacular film with authenticity and panache. Enjoying it requires the viewer to accept some mega-implausibilities, but on the other hand, the impossibly good fortune of the protagonist is sort of the point of the film. Peter Bradshaw of The Guardian wrote: "Despite the extravagant drama and some demonstrations of the savagery meted out to India's street children, this is a cheerfully undemanding and unreflective film with a vision of India that, if not touristy exactly, is certainly an outsider's view; it depends for its full enjoyment on not being taken too seriously." That's not a bad thing...for WALL-E. But is such schmaltz the sign of a Best Picture contender? Didn't Crash and No Country teach us to know better? Why is the Academy changing its mind now? And the inclusion of Benjamin Button is a contemptuous slap in the face. Finally, not to be snide, but did anyone actually see The Reader? What is it doing there? It wasn't released--limited, wide, or otherwise--until January 9th of this year. Why is it allowed to count towards the year in film for 2008? More importantly, how is this film--presently possessing a near-rotten 60% on Rotten Tomatoes--voted one of the five best films of the year? This is a film that critics have called "an emotionally distant, Oscar-baiting historical drama," "a thumb sucker," "An airless vacuum labeled Serious Film," and "naive and glib and meretricious" that "left no emotional impression. It happened and I left." WHO VOTED FOR THIS MOVIE?!?!

There are two obvious omissions here. First is The Wrestler. Somehow the Academy saw fit to nominate Mickey Rourke for Best Actor and Marisa Tomei for Best Supporting Actress--two staple roles of a critical hit--yet the film in which these two nominated performances appear doesn't warrant a Best Picture nomination? Is everyone else in the film that bad? There can't be more than ten speaking roles in the entire movie.

The absence of The Dark Knight, is, of course, the even more atrocious oversight. The Academy Award for Best Picture, though the most prestigious of all the Oscars, is arguably the simplest to define: the winner is the best film of the year. How, then, does the second highest-grossing film in the history of the world not qualify? What does the Academy know that $1 billion worth of filmgoers don't?

The final snub is more heartbreaking than infuriating. Clint Eastwood has been delivering iconic performances in front of and behind the camera for over 40 years. Our generation thinks of Clint Eastwood as the ultimate asskicker. Our parents' generation thought of Clint Eastwood as the ultimate asskicker. Death, taxes, and Clint Eastwood annihilating fools.

So when I left the theater having just seen Eastwood's Gran Torino, I knew I had just seen another chapter in his legacy of unsurpassed filmmaking. At age 78, Clint Eastwood is still one of the finest tacticians of the silver screen that we will ever see. His performance was magnificent. His directing was flawless. There's a good chance we will never see him act again. And not only was he not rewarded for his execution, he wasn't even considered for the reward. The voters watched his modern American masterpiece and said, "I'd rather vote for Brad Pitt." I hope when (or maybe I should say if) Clint Eastwood dies and we're treated to a retrospective of his career, they know what they took from him.

Take it away, Sergio.

Performance by an actor in a leading role

Richard Jenkins in “The Visitor” (Overture Films)
Frank Langella in “Frost/Nixon” (Universal)
Sean Penn in “Milk” (Focus Features)
Brad Pitt in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.)
Mickey Rourke in “The Wrestler” (Fox Searchlight)

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

Josh Brolin in “Milk” (Focus Features)
Robert Downey Jr. in “Tropic Thunder” (DreamWorks, Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount)
Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Doubt” (Miramax)
Heath Ledger in “The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros.)
Michael Shannon in “Revolutionary Road” (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount Vantage)

Performance by an actress in a leading role

Anne Hathaway in “Rachel Getting Married” (Sony Pictures Classics)
Angelina Jolie in “Changeling” (Universal)
Melissa Leo in “Frozen River” (Sony Pictures Classics)
Meryl Streep in “Doubt” (Miramax)
Kate Winslet in “The Reader” (The Weinstein Company)

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

Amy Adams in “Doubt” (Miramax)
Penélope Cruz in “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” (The Weinstein Company)
Viola Davis in “Doubt” (Miramax)
Taraji P. Henson in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.)
Marisa Tomei in “The Wrestler” (Fox Searchlight)

Best animated feature film of the year

“Bolt” (Walt Disney), Chris Williams and Byron Howard
“Kung Fu Panda” (DreamWorks Animation, Distributed by Paramount), John Stevenson and Mark Osborne
“WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Andrew Stanton

Achievement in art direction

“Changeling” (Universal), Art Direction: James J. Murakami, Set Decoration: Gary Fettis
“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), Art Direction: Donald Graham Burt, Set Decoration: Victor J. Zolfo
“The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros.), Art Direction: Nathan Crowley, Set Decoration: Peter Lando
“The Duchess” (Paramount Vantage, Pathé and BBC Films), Art Direction: Michael Carlin, Set Decoration: Rebecca Alleway
“Revolutionary Road” (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount Vantage), Art Direction: Kristi Zea, Set Decoration: Debra Schutt

Achievement in cinematography

“Changeling” (Universal), Tom Stern
“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), Claudio Miranda
“The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros.), Wally Pfister
“The Reader” (The Weinstein Company), Chris Menges and Roger Deakins
“Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Anthony Dod Mantle

Achievement in costume design

“Australia” (20th Century Fox), Catherine Martin
“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), Jacqueline West
“The Duchess” (Paramount Vantage, Pathé and BBC Films), Michael O’Connor
“Milk” (Focus Features), Danny Glicker
“Revolutionary Road” (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount Vantage), Albert Wolsky

Achievement in directing

“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), David Fincher
“Frost/Nixon” (Universal), Ron Howard
“Milk” (Focus Features), Gus Van Sant
“The Reader” (The Weinstein Company), Stephen Daldry
“Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Danny Boyle

Best documentary feature

“The Betrayal (Nerakhoon)” (Cinema Guild), A Pandinlao Films Production, Ellen Kuras and Thavisouk Phrasavath
“Encounters at the End of the World” (THINKFilm and Image Entertainment), A Creative Differences Production, Werner Herzog and Henry Kaiser
“The Garden” A Black Valley Films Production, Scott Hamilton Kennedy
“Man on Wire” (Magnolia Pictures), A Wall to Wall Production, James Marsh and Simon Chinn
“Trouble the Water” (Zeitgeist Films), An Elsewhere Films Production, Tia Lessin and Carl Deal

Best documentary short subject

“The Conscience of Nhem En” A Farallon Films Production, Steven Okazaki
“The Final Inch” A Vermilion Films Production, Irene Taylor Brodsky and Tom Grant
“Smile Pinki” A Principe Production, Megan Mylan
“The Witness - From the Balcony of Room 306” A Rock Paper Scissors Production, Adam Pertofsky and Margaret Hyde

Achievement in film editing

“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall
“The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros.), Lee Smith
“Frost/Nixon” (Universal), Mike Hill and Dan Hanley
“Milk” (Focus Features), Elliot Graham
“Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Chris Dickens

Best foreign language film of the year

“The Baader Meinhof Complex” A Constantin Film Production, Germany
“The Class” (Sony Pictures Classics), A Haut et Court Production, France
“Departures” (Regent Releasing), A Departures Film Partners Production, Japan
“Revanche” (Janus Films), A Prisma Film/Fernseh Production, Austria
“Waltz with Bashir” (Sony Pictures Classics), A Bridgit Folman Film Gang Production, Israel

Achievement in makeup

“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), Greg Cannom
“The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros.), John Caglione, Jr. and Conor O’Sullivan
“Hellboy II: The Golden Army” (Universal), Mike Elizalde and Thom Floutz

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)

“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), Alexandre Desplat
“Defiance” (Paramount Vantage), James Newton Howard
“Milk” (Focus Features), Danny Elfman
“Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), A.R. Rahman
“WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Thomas Newman

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)

“Down to Earth” from “WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Music by Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman, Lyric by Peter Gabriel
“Jai Ho” from “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Music by A.R. Rahman, Lyric by Gulzar
“O Saya” from “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Music and Lyric by A.R. Rahman and Maya Arulpragasam

Best motion picture of the year

“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), A Kennedy/Marshall Production, Kathleen Kennedy, Frank Marshall and Ceán Chaffin, Producers
“Frost/Nixon” (Universal), A Universal Pictures, Imagine Entertainment and Working Title Production, Brian Grazer, Ron Howard and Eric Fellner, Producers
“Milk” (Focus Features), A Groundswell and Jinks/Cohen Company Production, Dan Jinks and Bruce Cohen, Producers
“The Reader” (The Weinstein Company), A Mirage Enterprises and Neunte Babelsberg Film GmbH Production, Nominees to be determined
“Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), A Celador Films Production, Christian Colson, Producer

Best animated short film

“La Maison en Petits Cubes” A Robot Communications Production, Kunio Kato
“Lavatory - Lovestory” A Melnitsa Animation Studio and CTB Film Company Production, Konstantin Bronzit
“Oktapodi” (Talantis Films), A Gobelins, L’école de l’image Production, Emud Mokhberi and Thierry Marchand
“Presto” (Walt Disney), A Pixar Animation Studios Production, Doug Sweetland
“This Way Up” A Nexus Production, Alan Smith and Adam Foulkes

Best live action short film

“Auf der Strecke (On the Line)” (Hamburg Shortfilmagency), An Academy of Media Arts Cologne Production, Reto Caffi
“Manon on the Asphalt” (La Luna Productions), A La Luna Production, Elizabeth Marre and Olivier Pont
“New Boy” (Network Ireland Television), A Zanzibar Films Production, Steph Green and Tamara Anghie
“The Pig” An M & M Production, Tivi Magnusson and Dorte Høgh
“Spielzeugland (Toyland)” A Mephisto Film Production, Jochen Alexander Freydank

Achievement in sound editing

“The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros.), Richard King
“Iron Man” (Paramount and Marvel Entertainment), Frank Eulner and Christopher Boyes
“Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Tom Sayers
“WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Ben Burtt and Matthew Wood
“Wanted” (Universal), Wylie Stateman

Achievement in sound mixing

“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), David Parker, Michael Semanick, Ren Klyce and Mark Weingarten
“The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros.), Lora Hirschberg, Gary Rizzo and Ed Novick
“Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Ian Tapp, Richard Pryke and Resul Pookutty
“WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Tom Myers, Michael Semanick and Ben Burtt
“Wanted” (Universal), Chris Jenkins, Frank A. Montaño and Petr Forejt

Achievement in visual effects

“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), Eric Barba, Steve Preeg, Burt Dalton and Craig Barron
“The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros.), Nick Davis, Chris Corbould, Tim Webber and Paul Franklin
“Iron Man” (Paramount and Marvel Entertainment), John Nelson, Ben Snow, Dan Sudick and Shane Mahan

Adapted screenplay

“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), Screenplay by Eric Roth, Screen story by Eric Roth and Robin Swicord
“Doubt” (Miramax), Written by John Patrick Shanley
“Frost/Nixon” (Universal), Screenplay by Peter Morgan
“The Reader” (The Weinstein Company), Screenplay by David Hare
“Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Screenplay by Simon Beaufoy

Original screenplay

“Frozen River” (Sony Pictures Classics), Written by Courtney Hunt
“Happy-Go-Lucky” (Miramax), Written by Mike Leigh
“In Bruges” (Focus Features), Written by Martin McDonagh
“Milk” (Focus Features), Written by Dustin Lance Black
“WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Screenplay by Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon, Original story by Andrew Stanton, Pete Docter

Now wait just a minute!

2009-01-23T14:05:00.001-05:00

...

...

...

...Barry Melrose.

Australian Pedophiles: A Comparison

2009-01-21T14:04:00.003-05:00

This Australian pedophile: heavily monitored, widely outspoken, purveyor of empirical evidence of his crimes. Also comically loud and fat, giving away his position at any given moment. No big threat.

This Australian pedophile: exceedingly creepy, totally anonymous due to shittiness of music, master of the ice-cream-truck-come-hither-glance, purveyor of borderline-illegally bad music video, looks like Shawn Michaels with Down Syndrome, grasps microphone like a small child's dead, limp wrist. Also a meth addict.

Who's the real danger here? I've got my eye on you.

THIS HAS TO HAPPEN

2009-01-16T13:48:00.000-05:00

A Recruiting Scoop?

2009-01-09T21:17:00.005-05:00

I just came home from dinner at South Quad, where I briefly saw Michigan's courtship with
LA outside linebacker Barkevious Mingo. Young Mr. Mingo, his mother (presumably) and his aunt/grandmother/family friend(?) were eating dinner with Brandon Graham, Fred Jackson, Calvin Magee, and some hyper-gregarious lackey far too white and chunky to actually be a communicative member of the proceedings. Let's call him Preston.

That was the scene as I entered South Quad. (There is another, smaller dining room in
South Quad only accessible by the entrance closest to Blimpy Burger; that room was where
their group was eating.) I didn't stop to watch them eat, because that would probably be
peculiar and off-putting to Barkevious and the Mingo Bunch, and I wanted to harm
Michigan's recruiting efforts as little as possible.

I was lucky enough to run into them again after dinner as I left, where I was able to
witness a more substantive interaction without gawking and jeopardizing Mingo's comfort
level.

Mom and Other Woman stayed behind with Coaches Jackson and Magee while Barkevious,
Graham, and Preston stepped outside. Preston zealously asked Mingo if he wanted him to
bring the car around to return to the hotel; Barkevious declined, as Graham had a mini
campus tour planned for him. Mingo basically told Preston to go away and leave him alone.
If Preston is a university employee, I would consider looking for some new talent.

Graham gestured toward West Quad and told Mingo he would be living there for his first
two years. Graham had no problem with the accommodations and according to him the RA
ensures that nobody harasses the athletes while living on-campus.

As I turned downhill away from the duo, someone in West Quad shouted to them out of his
open window about playing XBox. Graham obviously knew the person because he responded in
the affirmative and they headed towards the dorm.

Though I, as an unpursued individual, am unqualified to gauge the success or sincerity of
someone's recruitment, I must say in my capacity as a dude that I saw nothing but
friendliness and candor from Graham and that Mingo, as a dude, could not have been
anything but impressed. I think Graham genuinely wants Mingo to come to Ann Arbor and
that has to reflect well upon the football program. I couldn't tell what the coaches
talked about with Mingo's family, but it was visible that Fred Jackson is a suave and
silk-tongued Dapper Dan Man. The Mingo ladies simply ate him up. If this is recruiting
SOP for the new coaching regime, I don't care how many decommits we have during
Rodriguez's tenure--this is the right way to recruit kids to Michigan.

The only other observations I had were of Mingo himself. Rivals lists him at 6-5, 209.
This is false. I am 6-2 with shoes on and about 165 pounds and Mingo was barely taller than me. Also, it's possible that he has 70-pound legs, but I have a hard time believing this gentleman
actually cracks 200 pounds. His arms are shockingly thin. Nothing to worry about in our
new Republic of Barwis, but still worth a mention. And finally, Mingo put on a varsity
jacket to go outside, but instead of "West Monroe" or something akin, the back said
"Mingo" in old Redskins font and was encrusted with some type of stone. So we know a low
profile is of the utmost importance to him.

Previous reports indicate that Mingo favors hometown LSU, but...who knows?

Ridiculous

2009-01-08T10:05:00.005-05:00

I've been beaten to the punch by both Rob Neyer and Buster Olney of ESPN I think, but that's not going to stop me from commenting on Rickey Henderson not being a unanimous Hall of Famer.

Writer Corky Simpson (really?) recently wrote in his column about his selections for the 2009 Class of the Baseball Hall of Fame, the most prestigious honor that can be bestowed upon an individual in baseball and perhaps in all of American Sports. Now he made some ridiculous picks (which I'll cover) but the most absurd was the pick he didn't make: Simpson completely omitted The Great Rickey.

Rickey Henderson is a Hall of Famer.

That is perhaps the understatement of the century. As revolutionary statistician Bill James once put it "If you split [Henderson] in two, you'd have two Hall of Famers." Henderson was a 10-time all-star, the 1989 ALCS MVP (stealing 8 bases in the series, still the record for most SBs in a post season series), the 1990 MVP, a Gold Glover winner in 1981, a 3-time Silver Slugger award winner, and a generally cool cat ("But today, I'm the greatest of all time"). Statistically, Rickey was also the greatest leadoff hitter of all-time. Don't believe me? Henderson has a career OBP of .401. He's first in career runs scored. He has 3055 career hits. He's second all-time in walks. According to baseball-reference.com. he's 10th all-time in runs created. Oh and he's got those stolen bases (His 1406 steals are a full 468 more than Lou Brock, the number 2 all-time, that's over 50% more). Henderson led off a game with a homerun 81 times, a staggering number. Perhaps just as staggering was that he led off an inning with a walk an astronomical 796 times. Some guys don't walk that much in their entire careers, let alone to lead off an inning. As Joe Posnanski put it, "He walked more times just leading off in an inning than Lou Brock, Roberto Clemente, Luis Aparicio, Ernie Banks, Kirby Puckett, Ryne Sandberg, and more than 50 other Hall of Famers walked in their entire careers." If one thinks about the ramifications of having any man lead off an inning with a walk, and then considers that Henderson was also the all-time stolen bases leader, that statistic shows how great an influence Rickey had.

The great sportswriter Tom Verducci put it best when he wrote "Baseball is designed to be an egalitarian sort of game in which one player among the 18 is not supposed to dominate... Yet in the past quarter century Henderson and Barry Bonds have come closest to dominating a baseball game the way Michael Jordan could a basketball game."

Now I don't know if Corky Simpson is one of those idiots who believes that nobody should be a unanimous selection (a load of crap, if you ask me, which by coming to this website and reading this you have), or he's just an idiot period.

Well actually, we do know that he's an idiot. Here are some other highlights from his piece.

He wants Tim Raines in the Hall of Fame. Now I agree with putting Rock in. But Rock Raines is what Bill James was referring to: half of Rickey. And to think, I was nearly involved in the death-by-yellow-VW-Beetle of Rock at a minor league baseball game...
He wants Tommy John inducted. Now from a statistical standpoint, one could make an argument for Mr. John, perhaps not a very strong one, but a moderately valid one. But Simpson's reasoning for his inclusion mentions Tommy John surgery. While this is certainly an achievement, using it as a criteria for Hall of Fame admission is like saying that Lou Gehrig belongs because he had Lou Gehrig's Disease. Really, if Gehrig belongs in for something extraneous like that, it's that his nickname (other than the Iron Horse) was Biscuit Pants.
He wants Matt Williams inducted. Here is his reasoning: "Matt Williams, my first Hall of Fame vote for an Arizona Diamondback player. Matty played 17 seasons for the Giants, Indians and Diamondbacks. Nobody ever played the game with more intensity, nor with more reverence for the sport. He was the inspirational leader of the 2001 World Series champion D’backs." Now that does sound like a nice player...but a Hall of Famer? Anything to say about his actual performance on the field, Corky? Saying he played for a long time with intensity and reverence for the sport and being the inspirational leader for a team would be like saying Mark "Mad Dog" Madsen belongs in the basketball Hall of Fame. What Corky just described could be nothing more than a glorified cheerleader who over-stayed his welcome. Now in actuality, Williams was a very solid player who had a career that could be envied by most (including one of the all-time "what-ifs" for his homerun total during the 1994 season). But is he a Hall of Famer? No. If Albert Belle isn't a Hall of Famer, Matt Williams certainly isn't.

In addition, Corky says he can't vote for Mark McGwire because of the unsure nature of his chemical enhancement. Well, it's pretty established that McGwire was using something. But regardless of that, you'd vote for Matt Williams but not McGwire? Matt Williams was named in the Mitchell Report as a player who had purchased steroids. So you'd vote for a steroid user who still wasn't as good as another steroid user because he "played the right way"? What the hell is the right way?

This brings me to a larger point about the sanctimonious nature of the sports fan, specifically the baseball fan. Baseball is a game steeped in tradition. Few sports, or any American institution for that matter, are so ingrained in our culture and history. Football may be more popular, but what kind of hats do the players wear on the sidelines? Baseball hats. No sport has as rich a tradition as baseball does, well over 100 years of professionalism strong. But too many are lost in tradition. I, like many, think its important to honor the past, but not at the expense of the present or the future. People remember the good old days in baseball and talk about how players only do it for the money now. Please. The good old days? What when black players were scared for their lives because they were black? When players had to have a second job in the offseason to pay their bills? Guys played for the money back then too...if you're good at a game and someone will pay you for it, why wouldn't you do that? If the players of yore really played for the love of the game, they'd do it for free. When Sandy Koufax (who old school guys love) and Don Drysdale threatened to sit out the 1966 season, they weren't doing because they loved the game...they wanted to get paid. And what about the right way? Does that mean scrappy? Ty Cobb was scrappy. But he also was a huge prick who would spike the opposition any chance he got and once fought an armless man who was heckling him. Does that mean they put their head down and just play and forego the flashiness? Rafael Palmeiro was considered the consummate professional; nice guy, worked hard, no glitz, and now he's vilified for taking performance enhancers. The thing is not that the game or the players have changed, it's that the fan has changed. The fan has changed what they're bitching about. But really, all we are doing is holding these men to absurd standards. If you could get paid to do something you're really good at that you've always considered leisure, wouldn't you? If you could take a pill that would make you better at your job with little chance of consequence, wouldn't you?

My long, rambling, convoluted point is that folks like Corky Simpson need to get off their high horse. They need to simply look at objective barometers for success and worry about upholding the tradition of excellence that sports' most hallowed club holds: on-field achievement. Rickey Henderson should be in the Hall of Fame. Mark McGwire should be in the Hall of Fame. Matt Williams shouldn't be (although I wouldn't worry about that happening).

Gay-tham for Statham

2009-01-06T20:21:00.003-05:00

We all knew that Jason Statham was the man. (See below)

But now Patton Oswalt, of KFC Famous Bowls fame, has put a definitive marker on just how awesome the man is.

Here is the greatness that is Statham.

Happy Kwanzaa

2008-12-26T02:15:00.002-05:00

Today marks the beginning of Kwanzaa. If you celebrate this holiday, good for you.

Please note that I refrained from showing one of my favorites, the Charlie Brown Kwanzaa.