Saturday, March 22, 2008

Daily SAll-Star: Mel Brooks

I am a huge fan of Mel Brooks. Even in the archaic part of the twentieth century before risqué comedy was popular or even acceptable, Mel Brooks said "fuck it" and made fun of everything and everyone. He has never been afraid of controversial material and has never taken anything--even his own Jewish faith--seriously.

One of the wonderful aspects of Brooks' comedy is his ability to seamlessly combine intelligent subtleties with sophomoric poop joke humor. Few men or women can match his balance when it comes to pushing the envelope.

A tremendous example is his 1968 film-turned Broadway musical-turned film again The Producers, in which a failed musician and his accountant try to scam their financial backers by writing a musical about Adolf Hitler. There is, quite frankly, nothing funny about Adolf Hitler; Brooks sought out the most impossible subject to ridicule and did it marvelously.

Brooks is actually at his best when incorporating Judaism into his stuff. Here's a great tune from The Spanish Inquisition.

And finally, as promised, he delivers the piss jokes and uninvited motorboating.

Did I mention he's one of only nine people in history to win an Oscar, an Emmy, a Tony, and a Grammy?

Friday, March 21, 2008

My Childhood in two 30 minute installments

Throw a lot of baseball in with these videos and you basically have the summation of me until age 12.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Daily SAll-Star: Muddy Waters

That cigarette is made of misery.

Muddy Waters, born McKinley Morganfield in Mississippi in 1913, was one of the finest blues musicians to ever grace the earth and was the father of Chicago blues. His nickname came from his childhood pastime of playing in the mud. No Devil-at-the-crossroads story for ol' Muddy.

Like many celebrated musicians of the early twentieth century, there was no particular "big break" for Waters. He moved to St. Louis at age 25, recorded a few meaningless blues records, and continued on his merry way to the City of the Big Shoulders. He played at especially rowdy bars and nightclubs without much success until his uncle bought him an electric guitar so he could be heard over the din of the audience. His popularity in America reached its pinnacle in the mid-1950's as he had established himself as the manliest man in the music business. He later moved to England and blah blah blah. Let's just watch the manly stuff.

Let me elaborate a little bit on the following performance. I had heard "Mojo" on a Greatest Hits album a few years ago at a much slower and traditional-bluesier tempo. I liked it a lot. Then I found this absurd explosion of The Manly Blues and I literally could not control my body. I started dancing like a lunatic all the way down my hallway as this song blared from my computer. Fortunately, my reputation at Michigan as a lunatic with rabies was already in place and nobody really noticed.

I contend that there is no genre of music more universally enjoyable than the blues. My evidence is that nobody skips a track when they play a blues CD. Every blues song is just as enjoyable as the next except for a rare few. And those rare few are true monuments to quality music. There is no such thing as a blues song that is anything less than enjoyable, but there are many that can be counted among Best Songs Ever.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Daily SAll-Star

Today's SAll-Star(s) are Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, the creators and stars of the Adult Swim television program Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! I have seen this show or at least clips of it on many occasions, yet I could not tell you what it is about or what it means.

Still, the show is very humorous and draws on the strength of many great celebrity cameos such as John C. Reilly, Jeff Goldblum, and "Weird Al" Yankovic.

I recommend you check them out.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

This Makes Me Mad

Yeah...this guy has no passion for basketball.

The news today from the big cheese at the Fargo Timberwolves' headquarters is incendiary, to say the least.

Anyone who has watched five minutes of professional basketball during the last ten years knows that if there is one player out of all the hundreds in the National Basketball Association who can never, EVER be accused of giving anything less than full effort, it's Kevin Garnett. The Big Ticket is undeniably, indisputably, title belt-unifyingly the hardest-working man in basketball, and nobody comes close. He has played at least 76 games per season every single year in the league except one, and his career low in minutes per game is 37.9. He has averaged 45 minutes per game in eight playoff appearances, all with Minnesota (until this year). At age 31, he's already 25th all-time in rebounds and 33rd all-time in minutes played--one spot ahead of Shaquille O'Neal, six years his senior.

Basically, Glen Taylor is a douchebag piece of shit who obviously never watched his own basketball team play basketball. If he had, perhaps they wouldn't have lost in eight straight opening round playoff series. Ooh, did that sting, Glen? Are you feeling a little emasculated now that the best athlete in your state has finally kicked you to the curb and your once-promising franchise is the second-worst team in the league? Well, fuck you. You deserve it.


Just in case you haven't already seen it. Although I think everyone who calls himself a man is familiar with MANDOM.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

I realize I'm a bit late, but my sleep schedule is a tad off right now so I've just finished sleeping from approximately 4pm until about 11pm.

Anyway, Nick and I both have some Irish blood in us. And we both love the Muppets. So enjoy this.


Rejoice, they told us, for the fourth installment in the Terminator franchise shall no longer be called Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins. Which would have induced a Nick Coston Suicide Bomb were it to have actually seen the light of day.

But McG loves to torture, for the newest title to reach mine ears is none other than

"Terminator: The Return of the Terminator."

Some people simply deserve to die slow and painful deaths. Why not really put some thought into it and call it:

"Terminator: Piece of Shit" or

"Terminator: Mean Robot?"


Daily SAll-Star: Robert Patrick

"Stop farting."

Today's SAll-Star is a man renowned for his genius backup acting ability. Although I contend that he is not, in fact, a man. He is the T-1000, known by his human alias of Robert Patrick.

Total badass Robert Patrick, unsurprisingly, was a track and football stud at Bowling Green before dropping out to pursue a career in "acting," which was really just a cover for his assassinations. It's no coincidence that T-1000 Patrick dropped out of college precisely at the same time Jimmy Hoffa disappeared.

Patrick's big break in Hollywood, obviously, was his turn as the extremely excellent T-1000 model Terminator (compared to Arnold's shitty T-800; the T-900 made waffles). If you watch Terminator 2's director commentary you will hear James Cameron, acclaimed film director and admitted egomaniac, praise the shit out of Patrick specifically for his fluid motion and athleticism as the T-1000 character.

After T2, Patrick's biggest roles were stints on The Sopranos and The X-Files. He also narrates Spike TV's Disorderly Conduct: Video on Patrol program. No word on his NASCAR loyalties.

Also, it might not matter to you, but Patrick has been married only once and to the same woman for nineteen years. His two kids are named Samuel and Austin.


Monday, March 17, 2008

Daily SAll-Star: Sensei John Kreese


(seriously...go see Karate Kid right now)

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Daily SAll-Star: Jaleel White

Hidey hidey ho!

I feel confident in saying that nobody watched more Family Matters than me. Carl Winslow was my surrogate father between 1992 and 1996.