Saturday, May 17, 2008

I'm Pretty Sure That Would Be Illegal

Ordinarily I step aside and let FilmDrunk handle this kind of news, but, like...holy shit. I don't know the extent to which our beloved reading audience is familiar with the assorted works of directors David Lynch and Werner Herzog, but in case their names don't ring any bells, just know that these two men are universally considered two of the most viciously psychopathic minds not currently in prison. They are absolutely, positively, beyond reparation batshit insane.

How so? Herzog's three finest moments, all of which came during the production of Aguirre, the Wrath of God:

-He wrote the entire script in two days; 30 pages of it went used because a friend of Herzog's vomited on them and he didn't bother rewriting the soiled scenes.

-He paid Peruvians to capture 400 monkeys and pretended to be a veterinarian to keep the monkeys from being shipped to Los Angeles after the Peruvian monkey-catchers had double-crossed. After he used them for a single shot he released them into the Peruvian rainforest.

-After actor and fellow nutjob Klaus Kinski shot an extra's finger off for making too much noise during a break in shooting, Herzog reloaded the gun, cocked the hammer and aimed it squarely at Kinski's face, rolled the cameras, and forced his star to act at gunpoint.

As for Lynch...well....

Someone Please Kill It

Friday, May 16, 2008


I have no problem with Finland, as I have some Finnish blood in me, but I'm glad to see America kicking ass. (Although they lost this game). Link from With Leather. - Watch more free videos

Daily Cannibal: Sir Anthony Hopkins

It's impressive when an elderly and somewhat fey Welshman can count himself among the most badass men in Hollywood, but Sir Anthony Hopkins has made it look easy. What makes Sir Tony an amazing actor is no secret or individual act of magic--he's spent over forty years in the Royal National Theatre, beginning his career in the ever-so-gigantic responsibility of playing understudy to thespian extraordinaire and fellow Knight Sir Laurence Olivier.

What is less obvious is how Hopkins came to embody the modern popular culture image of a murderous sociopath--calm, suave, and socially adept, but only thinly disguising the true nature of a cannibalistic monster. Without Anthony Hopkins' portrayal of Dr. Hannibal Lecter, there might not be a thriller genre anymore.

Fortunately, when The Silence of the Lambs was released in 1991, the Academy recognized Hopkins' contributions to filmmaking and awarded the film (and Hopkins) with their highest honors. Never before or since has a horror film been so much as nominated for Best Picture, let alone win. (Of course, some credit must also go to actor and previous SAll-Star Ted Levine).

Personally, I find Sir Tony's performance in Titus just as awesome as when he played Dr. Lecter. Whether you enjoy Shakespeare or not, Titus simply kicks too much ass to ignore.

Top Gun is Manly and Super Hetero

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Daily SAll-Show

The Office.

Just the best show on television not name South Park (which has entered Simpson territory in terms of quality over time).

The season finale was tonight...I managed to pry myself away from studying for finals for this.

I'm sorry for the brevity but I must back to studying.

Dikembe Mutombo actually does know what dinosaurs sound like

...because he was there.

Arlen Specter is an ass...

...who also happens to be named Arlen. The joke really is on him.

But now Specter is calling for a special investigation for the New England Patriots' "Spygate" Scandal. Why? Specter claims that, like the baseball steroid investigation, this is an attempt to uphold the integrity of a nationally treasured institution.

A few issues:

1) I love football. It's a truly wonderful sport, rivaled by few for it's combination of action, intensity, teamwork, and athletic feat. But no matter what it does, football is not nationally treasured in the same way that baseball is. Baseball is and always has been held to a higher standard than other sports. It was only a few years ago that football rewarded Shawne Merriman with a Pro Bowl trip and being named the runner up for defensive player of the year despite his having violated the league's steroid policy and being suspended for doing so. In addition, the overall fan base of baseball is far less crass and more intelligent than the football fan base. Don't believe me? Watch a football game. Ever seen a retarded beer commercial during one? Football is also constructed as such that it keeps the attention span of the viewer because of it's constant action (if Clinton Portis breaks off a 42 yard touchdown run, everyone knows who succeeded and they know that a star did it) whereas baseball's action is sometimes more subtle (nobody would confuse Miguel Cairo for a star, but his RBI bloop single turned out to be the winning hit for the Mariners yesterday). Basically, baseball is held (unfairly or not) to an absurdly high standard.

2) Specter is an Eagles fan. That's the first sign he is not to be trusted. But if one remembers not too long ago, it was the New England Patriots who defeated the Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl XXIX. So, Arlen, are you really acting on behalf of America or are you hoping that your shitty sports city can retroactively get a championship it didn't earn? (Sidebar: Arlen Specter is a pandering turd.)

3) How is this an issue Congress should be worried about? There is a war in Iraq. There is a gargantuan housing crisis. There are plenty of secondary issues out there like global warming, social security, and healthcare that could quite easily be top-billing issues were it not for the previous two. In the top 100 issues facing America today, one team possibly cheating in their sport after they've already been dealt with pretty well by their sport should rank about 4192nd. Baseball was investigated because the steroid issues were possibly violating the league's substantial anti-trust exemptions. (Although it's about the easiest thing to pursue if you're a politician..."I'm for baseball and against drugs that harm you!" is not exactly the most controversial stance out there)

Summarily: Arlen Specter, blow it out your ass. Leave football alone to let it handle itself. It's done very well so far without your crusty grundle interfering.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

A serious post

Most of what we discuss in this forum is silly and stupid and designed to entertain (with varying degrees of success).

But in all seriousness, please pray for the people of China. China was hit with a devastating 7.9 earthquake and the death toll has become catastrophic.

China is allegedly accepting any aid they can get. So I encourage anyone reading this to donate to the Red Cross (or any other charity or aid group...the Red Cross has a history of excellent service and they're my preferential such group). Whether you can donate money (not all of us can afford to) or donate blood or whatever, even if all you can do is pray for them, please help however you can.

Thank you.

EDIT: A link to the American Red Cross donations website here. And a link to find where you can donate blood near you here (I donated a few weeks ago...if you are disease-free, donating really is an easy way to give something back and really help out as our country almost constantly has a blood shortage). Again, please consider helping out in any way you can.

And the winner is...


It's hard to find a winner in the announcement that Jimmy Fallon will take Conan's old spot when the Cone Zone moves into Jay Leno's spot.

Look, Jimmy Fallon is clearly a funnier guy than most people out there, just not funnier than most comedians out there.

It's possible that this is right in Fallon's comfort zone, as the best part about him on SNL was his weekend update segments where he could deliver simple set 'em up and knock 'em down jokes. But I wouldn't bet too heavily on it. He'll undoubtedly need a good set of writers. Still, Fallon is clearly a personable guy who shouldn't have too much trouble with the interview segments, unfortunately nobody really watches that time slot for the interviews. That's like reading Playboy for the articles.

The only possible good I could see of this is that if people sour on Fallon, more viewers will go to the second half of Jimmy Kimmel's show, or watch the extremely underrated Craig Ferguson.

Of course, the ultimate good is that this is a reminder that the least funny man in late night television (and I'm including Ted Koppel in this) is being forced out. Jay Leno sucks ass. He's not funny and he's a douchebag to his guests. Fuck you, Jay Leno.

Daily SAll-Musician......?

Vanilla Ice.

Just chew on that for a moment.

Do those words bother you? Inspire you?(Lord, I hope not) Do those words invite you to hearken back to a simpler time?

For me the third is certainly the case.

To me, Rob Van Winkle represents my childhood: white and possessing zero street cred. Perhaps that's why his star rose so fast. Or perhaps it's because he sampled one of the finest bass lines ever for his big hit "Ice Ice Baby."

Regardless, Vanilla Ice is a 90s icon. For better or worse.


Mr. Ice's Opus

His only other "hit"

In my opinion, VI's greatest work, from the 1991 film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze, one of my favorites

Monday, May 12, 2008

Daily Street Fighter: Zangief

I don't know how you fine folks spent your childhood, but I spent mine playing Street Fighter II on Brian Brady's Sega Genesis just about every damn day after school. And although I almost always chose Ryu or Vega as my personal combatant (Brian undoubtedly having selected Guile--he loved Guile), the character that always stuck in my mind was Zangief. Considering the infantile stage in which my brain existed at the time, it would make sense that the largest and most strangely-named Street Fighter would stick out in my memory. But it was the attention to detail that made Zangief the true classic that he is. For one, Zangief did not simply have a massive pelt of chest hair, but also shin hair that erupted from the tops of his boots. Capcom clearly wanted to deliver the message that Zangief is extremely hairy and probably should not be crossed.

Now here is my favorite Street Fighter-related video. For your unnecessary information, the version that Brian owned was Hyper Fighting. It featured Guile and M. Bison on the cover and was rated the unforgettably useless "MA-13" rating. That system obviously did not last long.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Daily Robot: Optimus Prime

In continuing (kinda) with Nick's theme for the week, today's SAll-Star is Optimus Prime.

As leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime is the finest warrior in the Transformers universe. Able to change form from his warrior state (seen above) to a big-rig truck (see below), Optimus acts a father figure to the other Autobots in their fight against Megatron and the Decepticons.


Very cool video found on