Saturday, December 15, 2007

Daily SAll-Star

Today's star? Lemmy, the song writer, lead singer, and bassist for legendary metal band Motorhead.

Why? Lemmy is a rock star...he's a severe alcoholic, he smokes 80 packs a day, he has reportedly bedded over 5000 women, is a noted acid-user, and is British. Known for his gravelly voice, hideous facial moles, and distinctive mutton-chops/handlebar mustache combo, Lemmy is an undeniable rock legend; the kind of guy who'd play a killer show, get hammered, snort some coke and have a 3-way with some groupies. Sidebar: he also deserves props for creating two of the best theme songs in wrestling history (the game for triple h and a line in the sand for evolution).

So, Lemmy, we salute you, because you, like Keith Richards before you, have lived life to the fullest...despite all odds.

Friday, December 14, 2007



Maybe We're Off the Hook

Appalachian State is murdering Delaware in the third quarter of the Football Championship Series (formerly I-AA) division championship game. Not to excuse Michigan's historic defeat or anything, but the Mountaineers are about to become three-peat national champs. Who decided Western Kentucky would move up a division and not these guys? If you gave App State a Sun Belt schedule, they'd win six games by forty points. This is a damn strong program.

P.S. Les Miles is still coming to Michigan. Stop with all the nonsense. It's a done deal. Don't tell me to let go. Fuck you.


It is clear at this point that Nick, who holds the beloved Michigan Wolverines to the highest of standards, as he should, will settle for nothing less than Les Miles. Now Les is clearly out of the question, fortunately there is someone, or rather something, better than Miles...Motherfucking Will Motherfucking Mus-motherfucking-champ Motherfucking McMotherfuckington

Concerning David Eckstein, Piece of Shit

Ben touched on this quite eloquently, but allow me to provide the more distasteful analysis of David Eckstein's horseshit new contract with the Purple Chickens.

Fuck you, David Eckstein. Fuck you and your stupid face. I hate you.

God, you suck, Eckstein. I swear whenever I watch you at the plate I think I'm watching a Little League game. And you're the one mandatory retarded kid who gets an at-bat every once in a while but only manages to shit himself and cry when the ball gets too close to his already-disfigured face. I would say you suck dick, but that would be a tremendous insult to men who suck dicks.

You're terrible. You're so fucking bad at baseball it hurts my testicles every time I realize you're in the Major Leagues. Don't you know how fucking stupid you look when you choke up on the bat halfway to the fucking trademark? Hey, douchebag, here's a newsflash: it doesn't work. You still suck gas nozzles.

You know what else? You're small and ugly. If I met you I would break your ugly nose and make you cry your dirty little midget tears. Why don't you own a computer, Eckstein? More importantly, why are you proud of the fact that you don't own a computer? Is it because you're embarrassed that you masturbate furiously whenever you are within five hundred yards of electricity?

Who the fuck do you think you are, making $4.5 million dollars to play baseball? I've never heard of such injustice! It makes less sense than appointing Danny Almonte chief of the INS.

Eat shit and die, Eckstein. I hope a rhinoceros fucks you to death.

Crazypants McGillicutty

At this point I trust ESPN's college football coverage about as much as I trust Elton John with my penis, but word on the street is that Rich Rodriguez, head coach of West Virginia and recent underachiever, has been in super-secret meetings with Sir Bumblefuck Bill Martin and The Mary Sue Terminator.

Now, factually, there is no news to report. This whole story is a bunch of unverified shenanigans. But we were introduced to a poor sap named Ed Pastilong, athletic director at WVU. The man is clueless to the situation ("Pastilong said he was unaware Rodriguez, who has a hefty buyout clause in his contract, was in Toledo") and could be on the brink of losing two of his coaches to Michigan in the same calendar year. Couches beware.

As for this potential hire by our beloved Wolverines, I must say it seems like they are trying to find Low-Carb Les. Rodriguez built the West Virginia football program from inbred hicks and spare sphincters and can claim every last inch of its success for himself. He is a winner whose National Championship hopes have been dashed year after year (although, until this year, he was more a victim of unfortunate circumstances than an Art Shell fuck-up. But this excuse.)

As great as Double-R's track record is, he would get demolished in the Big Ten, which obviously tells you I am not so thrilled by this development. Think about the tremendous offensive success that WVU has found under Rodriguez. They run the ball at will, even against the most talented defenses. Now think about replacing Pat White with Ryan Mallett and see how that scheme plays out. Does it still work? Are you off the crack pipe?

Look, Rodriguez has done well for himself and I'm happy. He's right where he belongs. But he can't close, he can't coach a Big Ten offense, and he can't keep his players out of prison. This man sent Pac-Man Jones and Chris Henry to the NFL. Until they got, you know, suspended and fined for getting tossed in the slammer.

The point is that Michigan blew its chance with Les Miles, a fiery caveman of a coach, and they went looking for the next-best attitude instead of the next-best coach. There is nothing, abso-fucking-lutely nothing about Rich Rodriguez that says "Michigan" to me. Except for the fact that he wouldn't have to change his wardrobe.

David Eckstein sucks ass

David Eckstein is the most overrated player in baseball. A player who gets by on speed (though he's not really that fast), small ball (though he doesn't draw a walk), and hustle (does have plenty of that...kudos). But while he adds character, hustle, effort, etc. he just sucks. His has terrible range at short and is much better suited to be a second basemen (although he'd only be average at that). He is often banged up (he missed 45 games last years). If he'd qualified, he would
have ranked 143rd in SLG% and 131st in OPS (keep in mind there were only 162 qualifying players, and most of those below Eckstein provide some skill, usually defense, which again Eckstein doesn't). But general managers, journalists, and fans become enamored with his hustle (read: he's short and untalented).

And now the Blue Jays are going to pay him $4.5 million to suck ass...he sucked in the very weak NL Central, imagine what'll happen if he has to play in the same division as the Redsox and Yankees. Keith Law, my favorite baseball writer, explains it better.

The DBacks are the NL favorites for next season

The Arizona Diamondbacks, run by my hero, Josh Byrnes, completed two trades today that improved their NL West winning team, making them the early favorites in the NL for the World Series. The first trade netted the DBacks starting right-handed pitcher Dan Haren and right-handed relief prospect Connor Robertson from the Athletics for a collection of 6 prospects of various repute. The second trade, completed with the Astros, garnered for the DBacks relievers Chad Qualls and Juan Gutierrez and infielder Chris Burke for last year's closer Jose Valverde.

In the Oakland deal, the DBacks acquired an ace-caliber pitcher in Haren, an All-Star last year. He joins the absolutely stellar Brandon Webb to form one of the best 1-2 punches in the addition Doug Davis and Livan Hernandez for very good back of the rotation starters especially in the National League. If Randy Johnson returns as expected and performs to a level even 75% of his prime the DBacks have a great looking rotation. In return, the A's received an assortment of prospects. No names jump out as great, however they all have decent to good potential, and knowing Billy Beane's track record, at least one will end up being useful, even if they end up being traded for someone else.

In the Astros deal, the Astros replaced their closer in addition to cutting $1.5 million in salary at the position, added bullpen depth, and acquired a good utility player to bolster their depth. While Valverde is certainly a good pitcher, Qualls is of comparable quality. Gutierrez adds another arm to the bullpen mix. And Burke is a versatile fielder who can run...does that remind you of any other player who recently changed National League Teams? Perchance Kaz Matsui? Matsui is a slightly better version of Burke, which is not a bad thing except that the Astros recently signed a decent at best player to a 3 year, $16.5 million contract...terrible. Astros general manager Ed Wade is a moron. He signed a copy of a player he already had to a absurd contract. He traded away closer Brad Lidge, who was inconsistent yes, but still one of the best relievers in the NL over the last 5 years for an average 3b prospect (later traded to the Orioles for the aging Miguel Tejada, now a noted steroid user) and a 4th outfielder, Michael Bourn. And then he tried to cover that up by trading away three players for a good pitcher (although one of players he traded was essentially the same with a smaller salary) who collected a lot of saves (an overrated stat that relies as much on opportunity as skill).

Anyway, point of this article, the Diamondbacks are my early pick for NL champs.

Kangaroo Balls

Found this link on With Leather.

30 Rock is one of the better television shows out there

"Why?" you may ask. Well as a member of NBC's loaded Thursday gauntlet of funny television programming you'd think they wouldn't be able to pay homage to a website that has surprised many a student aiming to use a computer for research (games and porn) only to be greeted with old, gay men doing their thing but 30 Rock came through in the clutch.

Daily Fucking SAll-Star: Ed Fucking Harris

Ed Fucking Harris is a critically fucking acclaimed actor, appearing in many fucking films such as Pollock, Apollo Fucking 13, The Firm, A Beautiful Fucking Mind, and, of course, Fucking Glengarry Glen Fucking Ross Fuck. This fucking clip shows Ed Fucking Harris doing what the fuck he does best. Congratulations, cocksucker. You've just been named the Daily Fucking SAll-Star for December 14th.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Shaquille O'Neal's Top 5 movies of all time

Yes, yes. I realize that this should be its own book, but I'll attempt to narrow it down here.

Without further ado...

5) Freddy Got Fingered- Never actually seen it. Not sure how well known a fact this was: but Shaq, unfortunately, has not been in that many movie. However, I have heard of this movie so it's the de facto #5. Congrats, Tom Green. You slide by. Again.

4) Scary Movie 4- This was actually an ok movie. Stupid humor 'n such. Unfortunately Shaq only had about 5 minutes of screen time and he shared it with Dr. Phil, but it was golden while it lasted.

3) Kazaam- Shaq plays a rapping genie. Quite frankly, I shouldn't have to say any more. Well I will. Yes it is currently rated as #45 on the bottom 100 films of all time, but don't let that fool you, it is a non-stop cavalcade of laughs. In fact, there is one moment in the film where Kazaam (Shaq's genie case that was unclear) is arguing with a compatriot, and so Shaq becomes fed up with said friend, balls him up like a basketball (for a few reasons such as playing basketball is his primary skill when not acting and he's a genie so he can do so without actually damaging the integrity of his friend's bone structure), and dunks him into an air duct! Ha! Hilarious!

2) Steel- A comic book adaptation, Steel follows Shaq's character, a retired military weapons developer, who returns to his hometown and decides to fight crime with a big hammer and steel armor (hence the name of the movie, creative genius) that he fashions himself in Uncle Joe's (not so creative) junkyard. Heart-pounding, non-stop action.

1) Blue Chips- Shaq stars along with Nick Nolte and Penny Hardaway. Go watch it now!

more dicking around

from one of the world's greatest television shows, American Gladiators...which is triumphantly making its return in January to NBC hosted by the great Hulk Hogan

because i can!

no final tomorrow...time for me to dick around

mitchell report: the culmination of a witch hunt

So the Mitchell Report was released today. It included some surprising names (Brian Roberts), some not so surprising names (Barry Bonds), some humorous names (Maurice Vaughn), and some El Guapo names (Rich Garces)...

I have a few thoughts:

1) While I do not approve of steroid use, I feel like this was a ridiculous endeavor in that Congress should never have gotten involved in. Doesn't our federal government have more important things to worry about than baseball? I always thought things like war, healthcare, and social security were more important than a game.

2) This list of players, while expansive, tells me one thing: steroids make you stronger and heal faster...they can't help you hit a curveball or have a backdoor slider hit its spot. More than half the players on the list were, at one point or another in their careers (often for their entire career) straight up terrible. Manny Alexander? Wilson Delgado? Felix Heredia, Jr.? Ismael Valdez? Yes, those are the superstars of the game who cheated and should be banished...steroids help your margin of error; they don't give you skill...hell otherwise I wouldn't be writing this, I'd be shooting up and playing leftfield for the Pirates (not sure why I put myself on the worst team in the majors...)

3) This report was flawed. ESPN's Howard Bryant can do a better job of articulating than I can.

Report: Raul Mondesi Took Steroids, Sucked Anyway

Today's the day that the Big Shiny Mitchell Report officially sees the light of day, but those scrappy, upstart young punks at WNBC in New York have leaked the list. However, about an hour ago, MLB forced them to take it down, citing "party-pooping" as the main offense. With Leather still has the list available on their site. If you're truly bold and you just can't get enough legal paperwork in your life, peep the authorized 400-page PDF by The Mitchburger himself.

Daily SAll-Star

In honor of my recently (as of about an hour ago) finished philosophy exam, our all-star today is Rene Descartes, French philosopher and mathematician. Dubbed, by some, as fathering not only modern philosophy but also modern mathematics, Descartes was the metaphorical Travis Henry of his day. He was also a literal, albeit milder, version of Sir Henry, as he fathered a bastard child with a young servant girl. With such great ideas as cogito, egro sum and the Cartesian coordinate system, Descartes took intellectualism to then next level...making it cool to be a 17th century Frenchman with a Ultimate Warrior haircut (no word yet on if he wore the face paint but i like to think he did).

Late Night YouTube

Just for fun, here's Earl Weaver and an umpire exchanging fuck-you's sometime during the 80's.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

and now i cry...

good bye, miggy

the baltimore orioles, unfortunately the squad that i support with great fervor, today traded the only "star" they've had since the retirement of venerable baseball god, cal ripken jr., when they traded miguel tejada to the houston astros for 5 players

all i say is that it's about fucking time

tejada, while still a good player, is no longer a franchise player...his production has declined since he first signed with the orioles and he's just not good enough any more to be paid $13 million a year (which the astros now have the pleasure of doing)...he was never a patient hitter, and as he gets older this will only hurt him more...his slg% dropped down .442 this past year, almost 60 points below 2006...his range at short has declined to the point that he's average at best and will probably be moved to addition, it must be noted that all those consecutive games played (1152, the 5th longest streak in big league history) have probably taken their toll...the reason cal could handle it and miggy couldnt is simple: cal was a gigantic 6'4" and 225lbs, miggy stands at only 5'9" and 210lbs...that being said, he still has a good bat, and will certainly receive a statistical boost playing in the worst division in the inferior national league and instantly upgrades the astros paltry lineup

this trade was actually a decent one for the orioles...luke scott is a decent player: a good 3rd or 4th outfielder with some power in his bat and a versatile glove capable of playing all 3 outfield positions, and while he's probably better suited for part-time duty, he will immediately be asked to contribute on a regular basis in some capacity...matt albers is an average-to-good pitching prospect, which the orioles have an abundance of, who doesnt walk many, but also doesnt strike many out, he has gotten a lot better the last couple of years, a positive trend considering how many of the orioles pitching prospects seem to hit a wall and plateau...troy patton seems to be the top prospect of the deal, he has good stuff and decent only 22 but should immediately compete for a roster spot in spring training, though he'll likely be sent either to AAA norfolk or AA bowie for some more seasoning...Dennis Sarfate seems to be an afterthought and throw-in, a spot-starter/long-reliever type who has minimal big league experience; still, he likely will be given a chance to prove himself given the orioles overall shittiness...michael costanzo, besides possibly being related to argentine goalkeeper franco costanzo, is a very good prospect coming from the phillies system (he was acquired in the brad lidge trade) who has a very good power bat and is likely the orioles 3rd basemen of the future (or even the present) which does the orioles many favors: namely it allows billy rowell, arguably the orioles best position prospect to move to first base and focus more on hitting, and it allows the orioles to move melvin mora to a bench position instead of having him continue to eat up space on the field

in general, this worked out about as well as the orioles could have hoped...especially considering they blew it two years ago by not trading tejada to the angels for ervin santana and either erick aybar or brandon wood...this gets an aging star off the books with a pretty good return and frees up money to help sign erik bedard to an extension or to sign an impact free agent next offseason

Ben is Dead

Wow. I know Miguel Tejada isn't the elite superstar shortstop that he was three years ago, but was this really the best they could get for him? Of the two position players acquired, only the 29-year-old rookie has Major League experience and he sucks. Of the pitchers sent to the Orioles, only this douchebag has more than 17 career innings pitched. Dennis Sarfate gets some points for being from Queens and having a face made of meat, but alas, he's still terrible. Speaking of faces, young Troy Patton doesn't seem to have one. Although judging from the buffet of shit presented to the O's, he seems to have the most promising future. The 22-year-old's best start came September 1st against the Cubs in which he lasted six innings, struck out three, and gave up three runs (all earned) in a 4-3 loss. He gave up five earned runs over 12.2 innings for the entirety of his Major League season.

If Patton can blossom into a top-five rotation man, then this deal might not be the worst of all time. But the other four are clearly wire waivers included for salary purposes only, unless this catching prospect turns out to be a success. Although if the Astros included him in this trade well aware that Brad Ausmus was 67 years old, I don't think they would have let him slip away.

My condolences, Benjamin.

this is me, procrastinating

it's finals week and i really, really don't want to study at all

so instead i'll post this:

which comes from this list of farts caught on camera


Daily SAll-Star: Dexter Jackson

Dexter Jackson has muscles. Big ones.

I simply hate what bodybuilding has become (somebody needs to shut up when he poses). If you've ever seen Pumping Iron, then you know what a championship physique used to look like. It demanded symmetry over size, discipline over doping. But today when you look at the Mr. Olympia competitors you see inhuman freaks. When I see Ronnie Coleman or The Violently Overcooked Jay Cutler, I simply don't know what I'm looking at. They're not humans, that's for sure. Each man's off-season weight is 320 pounds. These dudes are 5-9! How can you justify that sheer mass? Arnold, listed at six-foot-two, weighed 240 pounds at his absolute heaviest. He had four inches on these men yet gave up eighty pounds. Part of the judging process of a bodybuilding competition should be the question, "Is this the body that a normal many would envy?" In Arnold and Dexter's case, absolutely. But, in all honesty, who wants to look like this? Cutler is a microwaved dickless freak.

Fortunately, Dexter Jackson is a throwback. He is short (although not Franco short) and comparatively slim standing next to his cattle-sized competition. His nickname, "The Blade," comes from his meticulously defined abs. It's no surprise that Dexter is a two-time winner of the Arnold Classic, which claims to retain "classic" judging criteria.

Though he's not an "athlete" in the typical sense of the word, Dexter Jackson is today's SAll-Star for looking like a man in a world of hot air balloons.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

the legend continues!

kentucky may finally get shawn kemp to attend and only 20 years late!

The Official Les Miles to Michigan Theme Song

It's dead, Jim.

Hi, I'm Bobby Petrino and I'm a Big Wet Turd

The following was recorded from Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank's office phone on Tuesday, December 11th, 2007.

"Hi, Art. It's Bobby. Bobby Petrino, your head coach."
"Oh, hi, Bobby, what can I do for you?"
"Well, Art, my star quarterback was just sentenced to 23 months in federal prison. I'm sure you heard about it."
"Yes, Bobby, I did. Mike and I were very close before this ordeal began. It's been a public relations nightmare for the organization."
"And my current starting quarterback is Joey Harrington. You probably knew that, too."
"Yes, of course."
"Art, I'm sure you're also aware that this team is 3-10 and only getting worse, right?"
"Well, I don't know if I would say that, Bobby. I trust you to turn this franchise around within two or three years."
"Say, Art, do you remember when you gave me $24 million?"
"Yes, of course I do, Bobby. I paid you with my own money."
"And do you remember my qualifications for this job?"
"I certainly do, because the list was about one item long. You led a spectacular offense at a midcard school and experienced moderate success before I threw wads of cash at you. Why do you ask?"
"Well, you see, Art, the Falcons suck. I mean they really suck balls. This is a bad team. And, shucks, I'm a pretty fucking bad coach. I was absurdly overhyped for an NFL head coaching position. Also, my balls itch."
"Bobby, what are you saying?"
"What I'm saying, Art, is that the University of Arkansas just called me. Now I don't know if you've heard of it, but it has a reputation for ridiculous expectations with minimal talent. Somehow, they consider me the man most capable of satiating their ludicrous desires. I noticed your mouth was open. It's crazy, I know! I mean, here you have me, Coach Bobby P., a man who never should have left his cushy post at a school where nobody gives a shit about the football team. I took a job that I didn't deserve and I got a bum deal with my star player. So I'm just doing what any man would do: jumping ship like a total pussy. The funniest part is that I'm bound to be a spectacular failure wherever I go! Especially the SEC!"
"You're speechless. I understand. You've been good to me, Art. Way too good. I probably deserve to be paid in parking tickets. But you didn't. You actually gave me money. And for that, fuck you, Art. Fuck you fifty times."

daily sall-star

three words: scotty. 2. hotty.

there are few men in this word better than scotty 2 hotty...the hair, the dancing, the worm, the tag team all adds up to the pride of westbrook, maine

Monday, December 10, 2007

a great submission from one christopher basil

just when you thought the nationals were smart...

...this happens.

The nationals pulled of a coup earlier this offseason when they traded a ham sandwich and a six pack of new coke for the world's greatest baseball-playing butler...but then they went and signed the 35 year old paul lo duca, who was let go by the mets and replaced by the aforementioned ham sandwich...

in the words of the immortal charles barkley "that's just turrible..."

Sweet Mother of God No

The rational part of me, the part that thought the University of Michigan was full of intelligent and rational people, is being beaten to death by a gigantic purple rubber penis because we actually have to take this man seriously.

The very best coach in the MAC, would still not be, in my opinion, nearly qualified enough to have his name mentioned as a candidate for the Michigan head coaching job. I wouldn't even give the Michigan basketball team to a MAC coach.

It's not even annoying or frustrating. It's terrifying. It frightens the shit out of my beloved sweatpants to think that Mike DeBord and Brady Hoke are SERIOUS CONTENDERS to coach MY football team.

It would be like following a 2008 Presidential race between Al Gore and Arnold Schwarzenegger only to find that the supposedly rational citizens of the United States had instead elected Carrot Top.

This is the glaring fact of the situation, not just my opinion: Brady Hoke is fourteen games under .500 at a MAC school and our university has him on a list of men whom they believe can beat Jim Tressel. No. Fuck no.

mike vick

what vick did was clearly wrong...but honestly, did we expect anything else from him? he's related to marcus vick! the same marcus vick who had issues concerning sexual misconduct with a minor and once was caught on national television maliciously stomping on the great elvis dumervil whilst dumervil was on the ground...let us also not forget that mike once got caught trying to smuggle weed on to an airplane in a water bottle, which is stupid on so many levels (namely...mike, you signed the 3rd richest contract in football really cant afford to get some more weed when you land?)

but whatever...

on a lighter note, it has been a while since i shared this:

Atlanta Falcons Quarterback Jean Valjean Sentenced

The NFL's premier direct-snap running back got tossed in the slammer today for 23 months.

While I believe that hard jail time is a bit excessive for killing some ugly, unwanted dogs, Vick showed bizarre cruelty in their executions. Hopefully, his sentencing will teach the young kiddies out there a lesson: If you murder dogs, don't get caught. Because it makes people angry.

Daily SAll-Star: Rick Rossovich! YES!

Today's SAll-Star might be a little too awesome for this list. Haven't heard of Rick Rossovich? You're not alone. But haven't seen Rick Rossovich? Unlikely. This dude has stealthily made his way
into thirty films for the past twenty years, including some of the most ass-kicking adventures of all time. He played Charlie Sheen's partner in Navy SEALS, studly firefighter Chris McCornell in Roxanne, Slider in Top Gun, and most importantly, Matt!

You remember Matt, don't you? From The Terminator? Oh, sure, he died. He got his ass absolutely handed to him while his bitch girlfriend was making a sandwich. But at no point was he frightened. He is the only character in the three Terminator films to threaten to bust Arnold up, man.

In a stunning display of unstoppable badassery, The Rickmobile also has the good fortune of Italian and Croatian heritage. You don't even have to ask Ben why this matters to me. Perché sapete che un uomo italiano e croaziano è un uomo come io.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Daily SAll-Star

today's all-star is tim tebow, "qb", florida gators

tebow became the first underclassman to win the coveted heisman trophy and congratulations are in order for him...he put together a stellar season with 29 passing tds and 22 rushing tds leading the gators to a very respectable 9-3 record and a #9 ranking in the AP poll...while i think the award should have gone to the incredible darren mcfadden of arkansas, tebow certainly played well enough to garner much of the praise he is receiving

but the real reason that tebow is our all-star is that tim tebow should not be good...he's not particularly big or strong...he's not that great a quarterback in a classic sense of a dropback passer...but he's not really fast or shifty enough to be considered a true scrambler like west virginia's pat white...tebow just gets the ball and makes it work somehow...this works in college, but will not succeed at the pro level, simply because everyone there is too good of an athlete to be caught out of position on the plays tebow makes to be successful

however that is not to say that tebow has no pro career ahead of fact, i'm very excited for the impending draft day where tebow is selected in the 6th round as an h-back/full back type of player...he's big and smart enough to be a decent backfield blocker...he's fast and strong enough to be a good short yardage runner...he's shifty enough to be able to catch swing passes and make a guy or two miss for good the trick play possibilities are endless with him

and so that is why tebow is our all-star for today