Wednesday, October 22, 2008

RIP Dolemite

Many thanks to Ben for his In Memoriam post for Dolemite...generally when we recognize a person's death on this site we only do so in a single article. But Dolemite was not a person. Dolemite was The Person. The Baddest Man with a Plan. His Almighty Pimpness. The Mack, The Daddy, and The Holy Shit. And we will miss him more than white people will ever know.

As before, language is rather unsafe for your mom.

Rudy such thing as "not in character."

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Daily Mack Daddy

It's a sad day for blaxploitation fans everywhere.

Rudy Ray Moore passed away on Sunday at the age of 81. Moore was a comedian and actor known for his crude and in-your-face act that made Richard Pryor look tame. But Moore was best know for his character Dolemite, a pimp who just didn't take crap from anyone. It spawned two movies and created a cult following that would ensure Moore's legacy.

*NSFW language and breastises*

Monday, October 20, 2008

Not Acceptable

This is what happens in the unfortunate circumstance wherein a referee is unable to get out of the way of the ongoing play.

Nothing objectionable there.

This is what happens when a referee is victimized by an athlete for missing a call.

This is what happens when a referee is a terrific son of a bitch.

But this...
What is this?


That's indefensible! He's standing at a safe distance from the play, strafes into position like any good linebacker would, lowers his shoulder, and lights the quarterback up. What was going through his mind?

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Vamos a la playa

This is what I did in Spanish class on Friday.

Just a Little More Matt Stairs

Might As Well Legislate

So Barack O'Boutros is going to run a preposterously long advertisement/documentary/biopic/ice cream sandwich before Game 6 of the World Series. I say whatever. If you are like me and Ben and many other Americans, and you're simply not satisfied with the two major-party candidates, don't forget: in America, you can vote for literally whomever you want. It might be illegal, and your ballot will likely wipe someone's butt, but you can write anyone's name on that sumbitch. Which is precisely why we need our ridiculous and stupid voices to be heard: Vote David Lee Roth for President!

THAT'S RIGHT, DAMMIT, we're voting for Diamond Dave. And you should too.

Let's face facts: John McCain is preposterously old. He's probably going to die in a week or two. So if you vote for him, you're not really voting for John McCain. You're voting for President Sarah Palin. You do not want this, because you do not want a president who lack the cognitive ability to operate a can opener. And Barack, he's got fancy words. He's young, he's change-y. But when Habib Falafel sends a million pounds of gasoline flying into the Sears Tower, who do you want calling the retaliatory shots? Probably not a man with two years in the Senate under his belt. Although his Muslim telepathy could prove useful in foiling many a Taliban plot.

So there's only one choice. After all, how many men have caught malaria and had clauses written into their performance contracts banning brown M&M's from the dressing room? Only Diamond Dave.