Saturday, April 12, 2008

The Smoldering Corpse of Jim Armstrong

Read this article by Jim Armstrong. Pretty bad, right? It's mean-spirited, it's close-minded, it's full of personally nasty remarks, it's poorly written, it has horrible jokes, and, of course, it's got a highly inappropriate Nazi reference.

So you're probably asking why I would link to it. Well, as you may have seen at the bottom of the article in the comments section, everyone and their grandmother justifiably hates this article. However, most of us are too woefully inarticulate to properly rebuke this article with what Alec Baldwin would call a BUUUURN.

So Fire Joe Morgan did it for the rest of us. ¡Zapatería!

Daily SAll-Star: The Best Character in the Star Wars Universe

Spike is having a Star Wars marathon today. And naturally I was very excited for the big debut (and subsequent death) of my favorite character: Jek Porkins.
If one reads the Wikipedia bio for Mr. Porkins (which I implore you to do), one will learn that Jek was in fact a skilled pilot who gave his life for a cause he believed in.

So he's to you, Porkins, hope you're enjoying your fried fat sandwich in heaven.

Friday, April 11, 2008


Daily Cheesemongers: Los Hermanos Molina

Los tres Molina brothers--Bengie, Yadier, and Jose--are all Major League catchers. I find that impressive. Not only are three brothers professional athletes, not only are they professional athletes in the same sport, not only are they professional athletes in the same sport in the highest level of competition, they are all professional athletes in the same sport in the highest level of competition at the same position on the field. That's right, all three hermanos are catchers.

Sin embargo, los tres receptores have experienced significantly different levels of playing success despite their equal status in the majors. Bengie, while an excellent defensive catcher, is a little bit on the old side. His prowess at the plate, whilst not terrible by any measure (career batting average of .275), is marked by his record-shattering, humanly-impossible slowness. If you switch onto a Giants broadcast at any point during this season and you happen to catch a shot of Bengie Molina on the basepath, you will almost certainly think you have stumbled upon a rerun of the 1996 Special Olympics. Here's Bengie working hard to field a bunt.

Yadier, meanwhile, is easily the most heralded, talented, and least cement-assed of Los Hermanos Molina. At age 25, he is only the third catcher ever to play in two World Series before turning the quarter-century, being preceded in that category by Hall-of-Famers and best-catchers-ever Johnny Bench and Yogi Berra. Yadier is also considered one of the smartest catchers in the game. While all catchers relay signals to the pitcher, most do so at the behest of the pitching coach and/or manager. Not all catchers have the responsibility of calling their pitchers' pitches. Yadier, however, calls over 75% of Cardinals pitches during a game according to pitching coach Dave "Doughnuts" Duncan. Here's Yadier mashing a home run for St. Louis.

And here's Jose.


Thursday, April 10, 2008

Daily SAll-Star: Andy MacPhail

The Baltimore Orioles are 6-1.

Yes, those Orioles.

It's still early and I still anticipate them ending up losing at least 90 games, probably more, but they finally have the look of a team that gives a crap. That is to say they're genuinely young players and are low on the pathetic old players (I'm looking at you, Melvin Mora) who simply eat up money and retard the growth of prospects.

Why this turn of events? Andy MacPhail.
The team's Chief Operating Officer in charge of baseball operations, came to my beloved team this past offseason from the Chicago Cubs, and it would not be an understatement to say he has completely changed the trajectory of the franchise. Now if only I can get a guarantee that Peter Angelos won't interfere...

And this is why environmentalists are bad people

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Wade Boggs approves of this video.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Daily SAll-Star: Sparty

My current digs, the University of Michigan, can lay claim to many top-notch academic programs and concentrations. However, our oft-maligned sister school, Michigan State, absolutely destroys us in the field of journalism, not to mention basketball.

Which is exactly why this crisp and well-edited video footage, if shot by an MSU student, is entirely within reason. Spartans just know how to make good photojournalists. Ann Arbor hosted Hash Bash just one weekend prior to Lansing's Cedarfest, and not one person filmed it, let alone rioted. It was more or less 2,000 square feet of unwashed and unshaven hippie flesh covered in a thick cloud of marijuana smoke. Dude.

Fast forward one weekend to Michigan's other land-grant institution and we see lesbian debauchery, tear gas, and Natty Ice.

Now, when we take away the rockin' tunes, the scene is not entirely unlike early-90's Bosnia. With more brosephs.

I'm still unclear as to the original stated purpose of Cedarfest. Besides thousands of drunks in one spot. I love house parties (although not as much as I love House Party); I get to talk shit to people who won't remember me and hook up with hot girls totally free of emotional responsibility. Usually there's free food too. But none of that stuff is possible with thousands of people in attendance and the whole thing is outside, unless I'm grossly underestimating MSU students' comfort with public sex. I guess never mind.

Is there anything cooler than cello covers of popular music?

I say no.

Europe's The Final Countdown

Metallica's Nothing Else Matters

The Mission Impossible Theme

The Ghostbusters Theme

Van Halen's Eruption


The reason hockey might be the greatest sport ever:

a beatdown your authors saw in person involving the Great Donald

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Daily SAll-Star: Mike Haresign

Many of you probably don't know Mike Haresign...but I coach youth baseball with him.

Anywho, after practice today, Mike and I had an almost three hour conversation about everything from wrestling to baseball to politics to religion. I have a calculus exam to study for tomorrow, and this was a huge was of time for me.

That being said, I want to thank Mike for a much more enjoyable evening than I ever would have had with my calculus text book.

Since I'm not going to put a picture of Mike up (for privacy reasons), I'll put up an artists rendering of a similar man:Enjoy, Michael.

College Journalism in the Trenches

That's just how he chills.

Kind of reminds me of....


Monday, April 7, 2008

Daily Boutros: David Garrard

In a league where nothing is guaranteed except old white male ownership, franchise quarterbacks are hard to come by. Out of 32 teams in the NFL, I would say that as of today, there are only three who can claim this generation's Golden Arm: New England, with Tom Brady, Indianapolis, with Peyton Manning, and Minnesota, with Tarvaris Jackson.

After those gentlemen, there is a second tier of high talent that has yet to yield the ultimate success: Carson Palmer, Marc Bulger, Jay Cutler, Derek Anderson, Matt Hasselbeck. The rest of the league's field generals are virtually interchangeable. Would anyone notice if Chad Pennington and Alex Smith traded places? Brodie Croyle and Rex Grossman? Matt Leinart and Joey Harrington?

One of the pleasant surprises at QB last season was Jaguars journeyman David Garrard, a career backup whom many around the country believed deserved a chance to start. There was just something about him.

He got his shot at the numero uno and he performed most admirably, finishing third in the league (and somehow third in the AFC) in passer rating (102.2) and leading the Teal Panthers to the AFC Divisional Playoffs where they lost to Tom Dreamboat and the Boston Evils.

Well, today, Garrard was rewarded for his 2007 performance with the richest contract in Jaguars franchise history. At age 30, Garrard is young for the position and could play for another ten seasons or so. Hopefully he will do so at the same level of production that he did in 2007.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Daily SAll-Star: Chuck

Yesterday, Charlton Heston, one of the world's most prolific and accomplished actors passed away at the age of 84.

Heston appeared in over 60 films in a career that spanned over 6 decades. Some of his more famous roles include: Marc Antony in Julius Ceasar; Moses in The Ten Commandments; Capt. Colt Saunders in Three Violent People; Ramon Miguel Vargas in Touch of Evil; Judah Ben-Hur in Ben-Hur (for which he won an Academy Award); Major Amos Charles Dundee in Major Dundee; George Taylor in Planet of the Apes; Robert Neville in The Omega Man; Detective Robert Thorn in Soylent Green; and many more.

But Heston should also be remembered for his work off the Silver Screen. Many know Heston for his work as the President of the National Rifle Association. (I will abstain from making any comment on this, as both Nick and I prefer to keep politics out of this site and our conversations- which this site basically is a collection of) But Heston also was also a staunch Civil Rights activist, who picketed theaters that were segregated, even those playing his movies, and marched with Martin Luther King, Jr. in Washington, DC in 1963. In addition, he took roles in films that supported various environmental causes.

So, Chuck, you will be missed.

RIP Charlton Heston, man's man and general badass.

Regardless of what side of the gun-control argument you fall upon, it is undeniable that Heston composed himself with class during this interview with World-Class blowhard Michael Moore.

I Am Legend, before it was cool.