Thursday, January 3, 2008

And by B-12, I Totally Mean Steroids

Roger Clemens made another half-assed and unnecessary attempt to salvage his beloved reputation today, claiming that although former personal trainer Brian McNamee did indeed pump his buttocks full of briny liquid, his cocktail was made exclusively with Lidocaine and vitamin B-12.

The only problem with such a claim is that taking either of these supplements (Lidocaine is a mild anesthetic found in everyday items like aloe vera; Vitamin B-12 can be found in pretty much every natural food source you can eat) VIA YOUR ASS is extremely weird and uncommon.

More importantly, though, this defense by Clemens will inevitably lead to Clemens finally "admitting" under pressure that he didn't know what his trainer was putting in the syringes and that his injections were McNamee's responsibility.

"I trusted Brian with my body," Clemens will say. "I had no idea he would put steroids in my body. I never noticed that I was growing huge tits or my back looked like a pepperoni pizza. This isn't my fault."

Finally, what's up with that "Swear" business? Here's the quote:

Wallace asked Clemens if he swears he didn't use banned substances. "Swear," Clemens responds.

I don't think I'm reading too deeply into the situation to say that too much is on the line for Clemens to start suspiciously truncating his sentences. If you really mean it, just say, "I swear I didn't use banned substances," or "I swear," and we don't have to ponder your brevity. But instead you went weasel and eliminated the subject. Who swears, Roger? If you swear you are innocent, say so. Otherwise, accept your new, sad place in history and go away.

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